So it’s Sunday and I wanna keep up with the theme of love, this topic is so important to me because I didn’t always love myself and I didn’t always like who I was and and it took me a really long time to realize that I was special and that I mattered. I grew up in a household where love was always shown(I’m an only child) my parents they raised me right they taught me right from wrong and I was spoiled of course so it was never a time where I didn’t feel loved or not wanted.
When I got older is when I started to struggle a little, I was being bullied in school kids would say your ugly, your fat, why do you look like that or act like that and I would come home crying, I used to beg my mom to put me in private school she would always say it will get better, it will be ok. I wanted it to be ok, I wanted those kids to leave me alone and stop picking at me but it wasn’t happening. I got to a point where I was skipping school and trying to leave early every day to avoid the kids who would pick on me eventually it started to get a little better but those words they stuck with me for a really long time.
I would stand in the full length mirror at home and wonder why I was so fat, I wanted to be smaller I was tired of feeling unattractive and over weight( I was bigger when I was in middle/high school) some of my family members would even pick at my weight they would tell me I should stop eating or how did I get that big, it use to hurt my feelings and I desperately wanted to be thin, I remember starving myself and not eating for days even going to the store to get diet pills, I was working out every day. I remember that same year I lost a lot of weight and dropped 4 pants sizes I was happy people were complimenting me and saying I looked good but still it wasn’t enough because inside I wasn’t happy with who I was at all.
I got tired of all the criticism, I was tired of trying to be what they wanted me to be. I remember crying out inside because I wanted a way out, the guy I was dating at the time told me I was going to far but in my mind it wasn’t far enough I started cutting myself to not feel the pain at all, no one knew anything I was feeling and I felt trapped and alone, between being bullied and not loving myself I was a mess, I spend more time trying to please the people around me then myself. I had to put an end to all the voices in my head and learn to love myself for me.
Once I started college all that changed, I didn’t feel so trapped or like I had to please anybody around me, I started making new friends and nobody was judging me or trying to change me, it was a good feeling to know for once that I could be myself. I started seeing the brighter side of things and realize that who was, was actually ok and I didn’t need to please anyone but myself. My life was finally the way I wanted/needed it to be with or without the approval of others-around me. The only only opinion I cared about was my own.
Loving yourself is the best thing you can ever do guys no matter what even if you’re in a relationship always remember to love you first, take care of you first and don’t let those outside voices get inside your head, it took me years to finally love myself and honestly some days I still struggle but I take it one day at a time also bullying is never ok and anyone who has dealt with that my heart goes out to you.
Your life is Important and you are loved never forget that don’t let any one ever tell you different. Once you start to love yourself things will get brighter and a lot better and you will see that you are amazing 😉
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