Does it even really make sense or do we not always realize how much mental illness actually takes over our life, we long so bad to be normal, to be understood yet no one truly gets us no one truly understands they all say ” you can turn it off” like it’s a light switch and once the lights go down we all of a sudden become normal again, do they really even understand the countless nights of crying or the countless nights spent awake wanting to be heard.
I’ve always been told my whole life that, I was different not normal. Growing up in a small town everyone knows everyone and going to school across the street from a farm the quiet shy girl didn’t exactly fit in with the “normal” people, they ridiculed me and taunted me day in and day out and it’s funny now those same people see me out and try to act like nothing happen, try to act like we were friends. I smile and laugh, because who looks pathetic now me or you? I’m apparently normal enough for you now well it’s too late I’m already over you.
Waking up in the middle of the night often to wonder why me, why did I have to be the one with anxiety and depression everyone in my family seemed fairly normal. I’m always being told I’m like my grandmother, she passed away in 2008 of breast cancer we shared the same traits because well she too had a mental illness, it started when she was a young teenager and lead into adult hood she also took medication to control it and sought therapy. I’m always being compared to her, I’m always seeing how much we were alike and it would be nice to have her back so we could talk about life together. Either way my grandma hopefully is looking down and proud of me.
I will always be that weird girl to most but it’s ok I’m in love with being a loner most of my days being spent inside, I mean don’t get me wrong, I do have a few close friends but being alone is more of my thing. My boyfriend understand that he truly gets me. It took me so long to except who I am and be ok with me. I’m finding out it’s ok to not be normal and I’ll wear the title of being the weird girl any day. I’m also learning it’s ok not to be ok all the time because really in the end all that really matters is what makes you happy.
To anyone out there struggling with finding your identity, remember it’s ok to be different and love who you are always.
Ps: I have good news guys, I’ll be back blogging everyday again, Starting on Monday!!! Look out for my blog post daily.