I’m always honest with you, I’m always going to tell you the truth and be opened minded when it comes to my mental Illness, Sunday night was so bad for me and honestly it hasn’t been like that in a long time for me. I’m hopeful this won’t happen again and that no matter what as always I’ll remain positive.
I was on the phone with my mom talking and apparently my dad thought it was ok to insert himself into our conversation because he didn’t like what was being said, needless to say it lead to a Hugh argument between him and I and it was very upsetting because at the time my mood was good and he had not too long ago gotten in from church,so I’m assuming he would of been in a decent mood. We got into a yelling match and it was horrible, so the end result was me walking out the living room and back in to my bedroom.
My mom was still on the phone with me and I broke down crying, could not breath, couldn’t even get my words out and felt like all control was gone at that point, my mom proceeded to stay on the phone with me and keep talking to me to calm me down she even got on my dad and explain to him that his behavior was unnecessary, yet I still don’t think my father gets it, he does not fully understand what it’s like to be me, I was basically minding my business yesterday and then some how I’m getting attacked for no reason. My dad and I are not as close as we use to be the years have drifted us apart of course I love him and I am grateful to even have a father but at the same time it’s frustrating trying to deal with negativity sometimes.
Being a single parent, my parents have done so much to help me and I’m grateful, I think it’s time for me to get my own place, I need my own space and my own privacy to get away plus I plan on living with my boyfriend soon so it’s better for me to spread my wings and leave. My father has since apologized but it’s still that weird feeling and those weird awkward conversations between us and honestly he may be sorry but I’m done with trying to be close to my father and I’m done trying to get him to fully understand me and my mental Illness at this point it all seems hopeless and I’m drained and tired.
I’m looking forward to going out of town this weekend to be with my boyfriend to get away for a while and clear my head. I wish this thing wasn’t bugging me so much but no matter what words tend to stick with us the most and when it’s people we love that hurts even more. I’m working on finding a balance and finding a peaceful place to go too and not allowing anything or anyone to bring me down. I will continue to pray that the world be more open minded and that the stigma of mental illness will eventually be broken, so more people understand it. I’m still Hurt and maybe a little fragile but the one thing I’m never going to be is broken.
If no one supports you or loves you, I do and I’m here for anyone. Let’s keep pushing and keep smiling and know we can get through anything that gets thrown our way. Spread love and give lots of Hugs today ❤️