Wednesday night thoughts.

It’s always weird, when I’m doing so well and then out of no where my anxiety decides to flare right back up again, today at work my anxiety was at an all time high and my mood was a little off at the same time. I felt myself being a little moody and certain things were bothering me a lot more then usual and the feeling of being anxious was taking over me.

I’m seeing my doctor Friday and honestly don’t wanna tell him what’s been going on, it’s like fear because my first reaction is “what is he going to think or say” I don’t wanna be judge and I clearly know at this point my mood has been a little off due to my lack of medication and me being careless and forgetting to take my meds.

I was on twitter today and a girl, I follow stated that she felt suicidal but was making it and doing her best, that broke my heart because we all know what that’s like especially when having mental illness and you have to go day by day being broken down and hurt, yet still trying to wear a fake smile and make it through the day not knowing what each day entails or how it will end for you. I’m always wondering when more help will be available for those of use suffering and why is it so hard to get help sometimes, why do we wait until it’s too late when it’s all gone? I keep being plagued by the thoughts of other people out there suffering and why suicide seems to be so heavy lately.

It has to get better one day right? The stigma has to be broken one way or the other. Let’s spread more love and less hate. I’ll keep you guys posted on my doctors visit Friday and I’m hoping it goes well. I’m not sure what’s next for me but whatever is next I’m hoping it’s great. Enjoy your Wednesday night I’m off to watch tv and relax and sit in my thoughts for a while.

ps: give lots of hugs today and help someone in need.

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