What makes you happy!

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This is my challenge for you today, figure out what makes you happy and no materialistic things. Think about the positive and what makes you smile and what makes you feel alive and keeps you going everyday.

1. My daughter

2.my career

3.love for god

Those are the three things that make me the happiest in this world. So now I’m challenging you to think of your happiness. Enjoy your Sunday ❤️ think happy thoughts and start to see positive results.

Sunday “my happy place”

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I woke up this morning excited for church but also excited for another day of life. I feel great knowing my anxiety is in check, my depression isn’t nearly as bad and mostly everything in my life for the most part feels in order.

I still weep for the people out there who still don’t know where their next meal is coming from or don’t know where their life is heading next. I’m always watching the homeless people that stand on the side of the road asking for food or money. I wonder about their back stories and what keeps them going everyday. My co worker always stops to give them money she has a good heart and she would help the whole world if she could.

I wish, I could save everyone who wanted to give up on life and let them know it’s going to be ok, the countless stories of suicide all over the news makes me sad, I wonder what led them to that place and why no one intervened to help. The deeper that, I get into church and my religion, I’m starting to understand more about people and also the changes that,I need to make within myself. I get it no ones life is perfect not even mine some days are better than others. I try to stay above it all and not think too much on the negative.

Life can put you in dark spaces sometimes, believe me I’ve been there countless times, where I wonder why I’m still here and when it would get better, going from the girl who cried everyday to now being able to deal with my problems better is an accomplishment for me. I continue pushing no matter how hard life gets. It’s never easy but it’s always worth it, I will always believe that it’s ways to get around my anxiety. sometimes I’m often wondering will I be on medicine for the rest of my life or will the day come where it’s no longer needed, honestly it’s become safe for me to be on medication then without it. Some function better when they are medicine free me on the other hand it helps a lot.

I hope everyone will have a wonderful Sunday keep praying for better days and keep a positive mind, God will guide you and get you through the next steps in your life. It may seem hard today but believe me it does get better. So to anyone struggling, know I’m here for you and please don’t give up.

My favorite s’mores dessert

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Most people do s’mores at camp grounds when going camping, some do it at bon fires or even in the back of their home. This is one of my all time favorite summer foods to make especially on a late quiet night.

What you will need

1.Graham crackers-any flavor (I prefer honey)

2.Hershey’s chocolate bar( whatever you like)

3.Marshmallows

4.Fire Pit

5.Disposable bamboo sticks

6. Family/Friends who wanna have fun

At my home

At my house we have a fire pit in the back yard so, my dad will light it and then we get started on the family fun but wait before we get into all that let me reverse and tell you how it’s done.

What’s next

You take your graham cracker squares and break them in half, then place a piece of Hershey’s chocolate on to the graham cracker and place a marshmallow, then you proceed to stick the bamboo stick between the cracker. Make sure your fire is all lit and ready to go Also, be safe as you extend your s’mores into the fire give it a few minutes and wallah you have a perfectly melted s’mores ready to eat, this is a summer favorite in my house and not to mention it’s great to do with your kids.

Cheat day

If your dieting as I am it’s ok to have one cheat day to eat a s’mores and if your really worried you can get sugar free candy bars or candy with less sugar and calories. It’s ok to be bad for one day, I promise!

Final words

I hope you guys enjoy this favorite desert of mines and try it with family and friends.

One of those days..

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Thursday’s oh typical Thursday’s, the day where the weekend is pretty much almost here and we celebrate Because Friday is our last day of work for most of us. My goal is to not trigger anyone with this blog post and to only tell my story while also educating. If your struggling with weight I’m here standing with you and we can do this together. Please don’t jump to conclusions on this post again it’s my experience and the things I’ve dealt with but as always I want to share with you all.

I still remember being the girl who flipped through all the magazines, the girl who was destined to be happy. The mirror use to be my best friend, it’s weird now standing at 4″11 and looking at myself no longer seeing anything that looks attractive to me, the world does not help when every where your turn someone is telling you how much weight you gained or what you should or should not be eating. The struggles to be what the world wants me to be continues to beat me down day in and day out. The girl who was once a size 7 now wears 11-12 and of course that’s not attractive to most ( in my mind) I’m still at a lost on how it started or how to fix it.

It seemed like over the course of the last couple of months food became a scape goat for me it was there when I was sad, it was there when I was happy it was there for every occasion. I found myself eating just to eat at times. I kept pretending like my weight gain didn’t exists people would make comments but as always, I ignored it and kept eating what I wanted. I miss the girl who could eat whatever and never gain weight or the girl who simply didn’t care. I miss the girl who once loved who she was and didn’t care about what the world wanted her to be but some where down the line she lost herself and does not know when she will be back.

I remember taking diets pills and starving myself and exercising constantly, I remember being so desperate to be happy at one point that I even went to a pro Ana website Because in my mind being thin was the goal. I spent countless hours looking at calories and documenting what I ate. It was pure torture some days but again the goal was to be thin. The weird part is sometimes, I’ll go to twitter and look at girls profiles who still struggle with weight and my heart breaks for the girls who don’t eat all day or the girl who lies to her parents about eating a meal knowing she threw it up. I go to YouTube and watch videos of girls stories and the recovery at the end of the video always makes me smile.

I spent an hour on the phone with my boyfriend tonight and we talked about my weight gain and I broke down because I’m ashamed to even have allowed myself to get this way I’m ashamed because it’s no longer about my weight but the goal is to be happy and healthy again. I say to anyone struggling tomorrow is a new day please love yourself and know that it will be ok. Let’s not worry about the number on the scale so much let’s focus on being happy and healthy. My nutritionist calls it a lifestyle change not a diet. We can do this ladies and men because I know we all struggle or have struggled at some point in our lives.

To anyone struggling with body image issues please get help, you are not alone and to anyone who feels like giving up on weight loss please don’t you can do this, I’m standing with you. Enjoy your Thursday night and know you are loved ❤️

Finally back!!!

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I’ve honestly missed blogging and it’s so much that I’m wanting to say. I’ll try to keep it short and simple with you.

Why I stepped away?

I had so much going on in my personal life, I was trying to figure it all out and it was hard for me to blog and give my all to my site, when in my mind, I wasn’t a hundred percent available. I was going back in fourth with my podcast and YouTube but eventually that interest faded too. I’m still trying to figure it all out. I know for sure that blogging is a Hugh passion for me and that’s why keeping this site up and running is so important to me and me being back is honestly a good thing for me and I’m looking forward to giving you guys more great content and being open to more conversations.

What’s been going on in my life?

My anxiety and depression for the most part has actually been ok, I see my doctor every three months for refills on my medications and we talk about what’s going on in my life. I still have moments of being anxious or a little emotional but it’s nothing that consumes me like in the past.

My weight?

My weight has been an on going battle for me lately the past couple of months have been hell when it comes to that, I’ve gone through spells of binge eating and not caring and spells where losing weight is all that’s on my mind. I started seeing my nutritionist again then the old habits came back with bad eating, the good news is I’ve found a new nutritionist in the area who will see me as a new patient next month and I’m super excited to see what happens with that, my doctor has even expressed concern about my weight gain and my blood pressure is now high and It’s all scary to be honest my health has to come first. I’ve finally got On board and chosen to eat healthy and do the right thing my goal is to eat clean and stay away from sweets and bread as my dr has advised me to do as well as exercising daily. I will keep you guys update on my weight loss.

Work?

Honestly work has been so stressful lately it’s been hectic and all over the place, one of my co workers is out on maternity leave so we’re short staffed and I’m doing her job now and it’s been chaotic and crazy at the drs office lately, I’m trying to hang in there and be strong but all the negativity I’m dealing with is not worth my sanity any longer and I’m realizing it’s time for a change in my work life, I try to always remain positive and remember why, I became a medical assistant but sometimes it’s hard and it’s honestly not even the patients it’s the people around me that make make my job so hard at times. I won’t got in to too much detail on that but I will say I’m looking forward to new career opportunities soon.

Love?

My love life is still amazing, my boyfriend and I are still together and still happy in love. We’re still trying to figure out the moving situation and what’s next but everything has been amazing thus far and our two year anniversary is coming up soon, I’m super excited for that and can’t wait to spend more years with him.

Church?

I’ve recently Began going back to church again and I’ve finally found a church home for my daughter and I we enjoy the people there and the pastor it’s been so great going and getting to know everyone and the best part is my moms best friend is a member there so she’s always looking out for me. I’m genuinely happy about allowing god back into my life and allowing myself to go back to church and put god first again. It’s been one hell of a journey when it comes to my religion and trying to figure out where I belong and where I should be, however finally it’s all happening the way I want it too.

Final words-

I know, I rambled a little bit had to catch you up on some aspects of my life and I’m finally back guys so keep looking out for more post from me, I promise not to leave again for months like that again. I’m still figuring it all out but CHERELLE is finally back! Enjoy your Wednesday night, this girl is off to bed. I have another 5am wake up call. 🙏

Mental illness:Speaking My truth.

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I apologize for being gone so long, i never like to admit when i’m not OK or when everything is a mess, i’m always trying to wear a fake smile or pretend like i’m doing OK when its not OK. For a while things in my life appeared good and my smile was the highlight of everything around me. I couldn’t shake the voices in my head any longer and knew it was time to admit not only to myself but to the world that Cherelle is not OK and that’s OK.

I went to my doctor with a fake smile on my face and blatantly lied about everything, he asked about my progress and with a smile i replied “everything is great, I’m doing fine” he brought everything and said “that’s great Cherelle, i’ll see you back in three months, i’m happy for you.” i smiled full on knowing this was all a lie, he didn’t even know about the sleepless nights or stressful events that occurred at my job daily or the depression that took me over daily, i convinced myself is was all OK. I  stopped taking my medication and my moods starting to switch and change, i could feel myself getting angry and on edge the littlest things would make me cry. I spoke with my mom who was extremely concerned and even my boyfriend asked me to get back on my medication. i knew best and told myself life was better without it.

I’m tired of being controlled by medication and feeling like the only way to survive is on my anxiety/depression medicine in my mind their has to be another way out. Looking in the mirror I’m wondering more and more who I am or what’s best for me. I’m tired of living two different lives portraying to be one way with the world and another way in private. I know to most taking the medication is simple, I never wanna be the girl on medication for the rest of her life not being able to function unless something is helping me all day long. It has to be a other way for me to live my life right? Or maybe I’m being dramatic right now either way I’m tired of hiding the truth.

The truth is still hard for me though as, I was at work writing this post and my Co worker ask to read my blog and I politely said no because honestly I’m not ready for my co workers to read or fully know the truth about my mental illness. I will talk about it with them one day but for now it’s my secret. I can tell some people but it’s hard for me to tell others being as how will they react when they know how the other side of me truly is. Once again I’m looking in the mirror and my reflection is looking back at me and some how theirs hope.

I won’t give up yet I’m not ready, again sorry for leaving for so long, I needed to figure me out for a while and as this process continues, I will keep you guys updates also check out my podcast for more updates on how I’m doing and to listen to me talk about other topics. anchor.fm/cherelleh I will talk to you guys soon, keep pushing and stay blessed and happy.

 

Staying strong 💪 😊

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Once again, I apologize for my disappearing act, I had a lot going on at the time dealing with my depression/anxiety, so it lead me to walk away from some things and start fresh, I’m in a better space again and a lot happier. I’ve been taking my medication regularly and trying my best not to allow anything to come between me and my sanity.

I’m in the midst of trying to lose weight due to health reasons and trying to be healthy and I’ve joined weight watchers so, I’m proud to say I’ve had a few bad moments with dieting but I’m getting back on track as we speak and excited to be back on the meal plan my nutritionist gave me in the beginning. I’m ready to start fresh and begin my road to happiness again.

I’m excited also to be cutting my hair this week, I’ve always wanted to do something drastic and for once it’s happening, I’m choosing to cut it short and go natural, no more relaxer for my hair it’s all natural curls for now on. You ever have moments where starting fresh is the best thing for you or in general you wanna do something different well that’s how I’ve been feeling lately and I’m super excited about it.

My journey isn’t always easy but it’s so worth it, I’m not perfect all the time and things don’t always go right but I’m still here and still standing. I’m going to continue to fight against my mental illness and continue to push through even when it’s hard, my mental illness is not me and i am not my mental illness it doesn’t always have to define me. I will continue to advocate for those who struggle and continue to take care of myself daily.

Enjoy your Sunday guys and don’t forget to check out my podcast on anchor.fm/CherelleH new episodes everyday so look out for it.