My favorite s’mores dessert

Food/Drink

Most people do s’mores at camp grounds when going camping, some do it at bon fires or even in the back of their home. This is one of my all time favorite summer foods to make especially on a late quiet night.

What you will need

1.Graham crackers-any flavor (I prefer honey)

2.Hershey’s chocolate bar( whatever you like)

3.Marshmallows

4.Fire Pit

5.Disposable bamboo sticks

6. Family/Friends who wanna have fun

At my home

At my house we have a fire pit in the back yard so, my dad will light it and then we get started on the family fun but wait before we get into all that let me reverse and tell you how it’s done.

What’s next

You take your graham cracker squares and break them in half, then place a piece of Hershey’s chocolate on to the graham cracker and place a marshmallow, then you proceed to stick the bamboo stick between the cracker. Make sure your fire is all lit and ready to go Also, be safe as you extend your s’mores into the fire give it a few minutes and wallah you have a perfectly melted s’mores ready to eat, this is a summer favorite in my house and not to mention it’s great to do with your kids.

Cheat day

If your dieting as I am it’s ok to have one cheat day to eat a s’mores and if your really worried you can get sugar free candy bars or candy with less sugar and calories. It’s ok to be bad for one day, I promise!

Final words

I hope you guys enjoy this favorite desert of mines and try it with family and friends.

One of those days..

weight loss/Healthy food choices

Thursday’s oh typical Thursday’s, the day where the weekend is pretty much almost here and we celebrate Because Friday is our last day of work for most of us. My goal is to not trigger anyone with this blog post and to only tell my story while also educating. If your struggling with weight I’m here standing with you and we can do this together. Please don’t jump to conclusions on this post again it’s my experience and the things I’ve dealt with but as always I want to share with you all.

I still remember being the girl who flipped through all the magazines, the girl who was destined to be happy. The mirror use to be my best friend, it’s weird now standing at 4″11 and looking at myself no longer seeing anything that looks attractive to me, the world does not help when every where your turn someone is telling you how much weight you gained or what you should or should not be eating. The struggles to be what the world wants me to be continues to beat me down day in and day out. The girl who was once a size 7 now wears 11-12 and of course that’s not attractive to most ( in my mind) I’m still at a lost on how it started or how to fix it.

It seemed like over the course of the last couple of months food became a scape goat for me it was there when I was sad, it was there when I was happy it was there for every occasion. I found myself eating just to eat at times. I kept pretending like my weight gain didn’t exists people would make comments but as always, I ignored it and kept eating what I wanted. I miss the girl who could eat whatever and never gain weight or the girl who simply didn’t care. I miss the girl who once loved who she was and didn’t care about what the world wanted her to be but some where down the line she lost herself and does not know when she will be back.

I remember taking diets pills and starving myself and exercising constantly, I remember being so desperate to be happy at one point that I even went to a pro Ana website Because in my mind being thin was the goal. I spent countless hours looking at calories and documenting what I ate. It was pure torture some days but again the goal was to be thin. The weird part is sometimes, I’ll go to twitter and look at girls profiles who still struggle with weight and my heart breaks for the girls who don’t eat all day or the girl who lies to her parents about eating a meal knowing she threw it up. I go to YouTube and watch videos of girls stories and the recovery at the end of the video always makes me smile.

I spent an hour on the phone with my boyfriend tonight and we talked about my weight gain and I broke down because I’m ashamed to even have allowed myself to get this way I’m ashamed because it’s no longer about my weight but the goal is to be happy and healthy again. I say to anyone struggling tomorrow is a new day please love yourself and know that it will be ok. Let’s not worry about the number on the scale so much let’s focus on being happy and healthy. My nutritionist calls it a lifestyle change not a diet. We can do this ladies and men because I know we all struggle or have struggled at some point in our lives.

To anyone struggling with body image issues please get help, you are not alone and to anyone who feels like giving up on weight loss please don’t you can do this, I’m standing with you. Enjoy your Thursday night and know you are loved ❤️

Finally back!!!

mental health, weight loss/Healthy food choices

I’ve honestly missed blogging and it’s so much that I’m wanting to say. I’ll try to keep it short and simple with you.

Why I stepped away?

I had so much going on in my personal life, I was trying to figure it all out and it was hard for me to blog and give my all to my site, when in my mind, I wasn’t a hundred percent available. I was going back in fourth with my podcast and YouTube but eventually that interest faded too. I’m still trying to figure it all out. I know for sure that blogging is a Hugh passion for me and that’s why keeping this site up and running is so important to me and me being back is honestly a good thing for me and I’m looking forward to giving you guys more great content and being open to more conversations.

What’s been going on in my life?

My anxiety and depression for the most part has actually been ok, I see my doctor every three months for refills on my medications and we talk about what’s going on in my life. I still have moments of being anxious or a little emotional but it’s nothing that consumes me like in the past.

My weight?

My weight has been an on going battle for me lately the past couple of months have been hell when it comes to that, I’ve gone through spells of binge eating and not caring and spells where losing weight is all that’s on my mind. I started seeing my nutritionist again then the old habits came back with bad eating, the good news is I’ve found a new nutritionist in the area who will see me as a new patient next month and I’m super excited to see what happens with that, my doctor has even expressed concern about my weight gain and my blood pressure is now high and It’s all scary to be honest my health has to come first. I’ve finally got On board and chosen to eat healthy and do the right thing my goal is to eat clean and stay away from sweets and bread as my dr has advised me to do as well as exercising daily. I will keep you guys update on my weight loss.

Work?

Honestly work has been so stressful lately it’s been hectic and all over the place, one of my co workers is out on maternity leave so we’re short staffed and I’m doing her job now and it’s been chaotic and crazy at the drs office lately, I’m trying to hang in there and be strong but all the negativity I’m dealing with is not worth my sanity any longer and I’m realizing it’s time for a change in my work life, I try to always remain positive and remember why, I became a medical assistant but sometimes it’s hard and it’s honestly not even the patients it’s the people around me that make make my job so hard at times. I won’t got in to too much detail on that but I will say I’m looking forward to new career opportunities soon.

Love?

My love life is still amazing, my boyfriend and I are still together and still happy in love. We’re still trying to figure out the moving situation and what’s next but everything has been amazing thus far and our two year anniversary is coming up soon, I’m super excited for that and can’t wait to spend more years with him.

Church?

I’ve recently Began going back to church again and I’ve finally found a church home for my daughter and I we enjoy the people there and the pastor it’s been so great going and getting to know everyone and the best part is my moms best friend is a member there so she’s always looking out for me. I’m genuinely happy about allowing god back into my life and allowing myself to go back to church and put god first again. It’s been one hell of a journey when it comes to my religion and trying to figure out where I belong and where I should be, however finally it’s all happening the way I want it too.

Final words-

I know, I rambled a little bit had to catch you up on some aspects of my life and I’m finally back guys so keep looking out for more post from me, I promise not to leave again for months like that again. I’m still figuring it all out but CHERELLE is finally back! Enjoy your Wednesday night, this girl is off to bed. I have another 5am wake up call. 🙏

Mental illness:Speaking My truth.

mental health

Speak-Your-Truth-Even-If-Your-Voice-Shakes (1)

I apologize for being gone so long, i never like to admit when i’m not OK or when everything is a mess, i’m always trying to wear a fake smile or pretend like i’m doing OK when its not OK. For a while things in my life appeared good and my smile was the highlight of everything around me. I couldn’t shake the voices in my head any longer and knew it was time to admit not only to myself but to the world that Cherelle is not OK and that’s OK.

I went to my doctor with a fake smile on my face and blatantly lied about everything, he asked about my progress and with a smile i replied “everything is great, I’m doing fine” he brought everything and said “that’s great Cherelle, i’ll see you back in three months, i’m happy for you.” i smiled full on knowing this was all a lie, he didn’t even know about the sleepless nights or stressful events that occurred at my job daily or the depression that took me over daily, i convinced myself is was all OK. I  stopped taking my medication and my moods starting to switch and change, i could feel myself getting angry and on edge the littlest things would make me cry. I spoke with my mom who was extremely concerned and even my boyfriend asked me to get back on my medication. i knew best and told myself life was better without it.

I’m tired of being controlled by medication and feeling like the only way to survive is on my anxiety/depression medicine in my mind their has to be another way out. Looking in the mirror I’m wondering more and more who I am or what’s best for me. I’m tired of living two different lives portraying to be one way with the world and another way in private. I know to most taking the medication is simple, I never wanna be the girl on medication for the rest of her life not being able to function unless something is helping me all day long. It has to be a other way for me to live my life right? Or maybe I’m being dramatic right now either way I’m tired of hiding the truth.

The truth is still hard for me though as, I was at work writing this post and my Co worker ask to read my blog and I politely said no because honestly I’m not ready for my co workers to read or fully know the truth about my mental illness. I will talk about it with them one day but for now it’s my secret. I can tell some people but it’s hard for me to tell others being as how will they react when they know how the other side of me truly is. Once again I’m looking in the mirror and my reflection is looking back at me and some how theirs hope.

I won’t give up yet I’m not ready, again sorry for leaving for so long, I needed to figure me out for a while and as this process continues, I will keep you guys updates also check out my podcast for more updates on how I’m doing and to listen to me talk about other topics. anchor.fm/cherelleh I will talk to you guys soon, keep pushing and stay blessed and happy.

 

Staying strong 💪 😊

mental health, weight loss/Healthy food choices

Once again, I apologize for my disappearing act, I had a lot going on at the time dealing with my depression/anxiety, so it lead me to walk away from some things and start fresh, I’m in a better space again and a lot happier. I’ve been taking my medication regularly and trying my best not to allow anything to come between me and my sanity.

I’m in the midst of trying to lose weight due to health reasons and trying to be healthy and I’ve joined weight watchers so, I’m proud to say I’ve had a few bad moments with dieting but I’m getting back on track as we speak and excited to be back on the meal plan my nutritionist gave me in the beginning. I’m ready to start fresh and begin my road to happiness again.

I’m excited also to be cutting my hair this week, I’ve always wanted to do something drastic and for once it’s happening, I’m choosing to cut it short and go natural, no more relaxer for my hair it’s all natural curls for now on. You ever have moments where starting fresh is the best thing for you or in general you wanna do something different well that’s how I’ve been feeling lately and I’m super excited about it.

My journey isn’t always easy but it’s so worth it, I’m not perfect all the time and things don’t always go right but I’m still here and still standing. I’m going to continue to fight against my mental illness and continue to push through even when it’s hard, my mental illness is not me and i am not my mental illness it doesn’t always have to define me. I will continue to advocate for those who struggle and continue to take care of myself daily.

Enjoy your Sunday guys and don’t forget to check out my podcast on anchor.fm/CherelleH new episodes everyday so look out for it.

It’s going to be ok :)

mental health

I know, I’ve been gone for almost two weeks now, I’m sorry guys. I had a lot going on and needed to re group and deal with some things. I was not feeling like myself and needed a break from everything for a while. I’m honestly feeling a lot better and have dealt with most of the things that were bothering me.

I, finally went back and saw my doctor and got back on my medication and expressed to him the way things have been and that my depression and anxiety had started to kick back in and that my Job was actually a big source of my stress to be honest, we both agreed to up my medication to 20mg, so far it’s been good for me and it’s helped me a lot. It was good to finally tell my story and release it and not keep allowing it to take me over and it helps to know I’m not alone and that it can be ok but it’s up to me to allow myself to be ok and to be able to move forward even when dealing with my mental illness.

I’m also excited to announce that, I’m officially on weight watchers now and it’s been so good so far, as you all know my weight is a issue for me and I’m looking to be healthy and lose a few pounds. I’m hoping this all works out for me, my mom has been really supportive for me and also started weight watchers with me as well so I’m looking forward to seeing what’s next. I’ve had so many people point out that I’ve gained weight and it honestly hurts my feelings. I’m not obese or anything but still why must everyone point out my flaws. Yes I’m 143 now and I get it but geez can people stop. So anyway moving past the negativity I’m hopping to get to 124 pounds witch is a healthy weight for my 4″11 body frame and as always, I’ll keep you guys posted.

My daughter turned two a week ago and we had a little birthday party for her and it was amazing she’s growing into a wonderful little girl. I was even excited because my boyfriend came to town and we took her out to eat and shopping. I love the way he loves my daughter. They talk on the phone every night and say how much they love one another and he treats her like his her father. It’s been a wonderful experience to be with someone so sweet and amazing and who treats me right. I can honestly see us getting married in the future and I’m looking forward to the rest of our lives together. I know I know sorry guys I could go on and on for days about him though. I’ll stop for now though lol.

I actually got out the house today guys, I’m such a homebody but my co workers invited me out and we went downtown and had a blast, it was great! I won’t lie though, I started to miss my daughter mid way through. I’m so use to being in the house and not going out a lot so it was weird but I’m glad to have finally allowed myself to do something fun for once. I’m hoping to do more things like this soon. I’m sorry for being gone so long and I’m going to do better and I’m sorry if this sounds like a broken record but dealing with mental illness is not always easy and lately I’ve had so many moments where I’ve had to step away from the things that I love doing including my podcast.

I hope everyone has a great Saturday night, I’m off to watch some tv until my eyes close.

You ever feel..

mental health

You ever feel so lost and don’t know what to do next or even who you are anymore, you want so bad to be ok and for everything to be normal again but what the hell is normal when you don’t know what way to go anymore.

It’s funny, I spent an hour on the phone with my boyfriend trying to explain my mental illness and the way I’m feeling. I love him to death, still he has no idea what it’s like to be me or how hard wearing this fake smile is becoming and everything is a complete mess right now and I’m not sure what else to do. I wanna cry and then apart of me wants to leave it all behind. I’m not so put together to the world anymore, I’m crumbling at the seams.

Today was day one back on my medication and it didn’t help much to be honest, it’s going to be a process of waiting for it to get back in my system again and waiting for that happy girl to come through again. I question was, I ever really happy? Or maybe it was me pretending to be so no one would ask “are you ok” either way I’m not sure anymore but nothing seems right, it all seems wrong at the moment. I hate when my anxiety and depression get this bad and it feels like that hold a meeting to decide witch one is going to strike me first.

I knew my depression had won today, when i laid in my bed, in the dark and blocked everyone out. I couldn’t get from my bed and I couldn’t stop all the negative thoughts from coming. Today was short of perfect, two bad things happened at work and unfortunately it’s been with me since, I’ve been home and I can’t shake the feeling of it all. It’s been three weeks of hell trying to get back to me and it feels like I’m in a maze trying to find a way out. It’s funny how no one takes your mental illness serious, until you have done something stupid or harmed someone around you. It’s the fake smiles that keep getting to me and those fake conversations and the lies of pretending to be ok that truly break me everyday day and I’m honestly tired of saying I’m doing ok.

I meet with my doctor next week and I’m planning to tell him everything, planning to tell him that his so called meds aren’t helping and planning to tell him the truth nothing short of the truth, I can’t keep wearing this smile anymore, it’s not me at least right now and I have to live in my truth and tell my story the right way. I’m so tired and drained and no matter what I’m still managing to write this post to help others out there feeling the same as me. You are not alone, we can get through this. Don’t give give up yet. I have to keep telling myself this everyday lately to get through it all.

Someone asked me today, why are you depressed? Do you even know why your sad? And In the moment it’s evident so many people don’t understand mental illness they don’t get sometimes there are no reasons at all, I could of responded In a different way but my only reaction was to explain mental illness and mental health and the daily struggles and how our minds tend to work. It even made me cry a little to be honest because some people will never truly understand and get the daily struggles of mental illness. I pray that one day the stigma be broken and more people start to understand.

I hope everyone enjoys this beautiful Tuesday night I’m off to sleep and be with my thoughts.

Where I’ve been/checking in.

mental health

First, I want to apologize for going M.I.A on everyone, so much has been going on and honestly not having my medication has lead to me feeling depressed and not like myself. I’ve been kinda of distance with everything lately, including with my podcast and it’s all been a process to be honest.

I’ve been working and being a mom and struggling with other things as well that have lead me down a path of trying to figure out what to do next. The good news is my doctor finally approved my medication to be refilled this morning, my pharmacy fought hard for them to do it and for that I’m grateful to finally be able to pick up my medicine today. I have other things that have been plaguing my mind lately as well and you all know it’s no secret that I’ve been trying to lose weight and I’ve been on and off with diets and failing miserably to stick to anything at all.

I’m starting to feel so insecure about my weight, it’s to the point that looking in the mirror has become an issue for me, I’ve gotten to the point where avoiding the mirror is the only thing that works for me. I know I’m not perfect and some days I eat a lot of sweets and other days I don’t. I feel like sometimes I’m binge eating and I don’t know why or eating when I’m bored and it’s bothering me and I’m feeling gross to be honest, I was 136 now I’m 143 and to some that’s not a lot but to me it is and I hate my body right now and all though my boyfriend tells me I’m beautiful everyday some how I don’t believe it anymore. It’s funny last night we were on the phone and he said “baby your making yourself crazy for no reason” I get it but still it’s hard to tell the girl who always struggled with wanting to be super thin and who use to starve herself to lose weight any different. I remember being 122 pounds and being happy because back then weight didn’t bother me as much but tell that to me now.

This girl was so confident and happy but now I’m wondering what happen to her and why now am I stuck 🤷‍♀️

This is me now and to some, I may appear fine but to me I’m so insecure and wondering when this will end to be honest.

I’m also in a space where I’m about to cut my hair short again, my hair grew back out but now it’s starting to break off some in the back and I’m kind of over my hair, so I booked a hair appointment with my hair stylist for the following week to get it cut and Styled and start fresh for a while. I know in due time, things will be back to normal and I’ll be back to my old self, it’s all a process but getting back on my meds is the first start and then Monday I’m starting back on my diet of eating clean and I’m sticking to a goal of getting down to 129, that’s the goal my nutritionist set for me so I’m going get back too it and stay clean this time.

I’m going to be ok and I know everyone dealing with mental illness can get through this and be strong too. It’s going to be tough sometimes but we can see it through. I’m about to finish watching “Halloween” and be scared for a while under my heated blanket. Enjoy your Sunday and be safe and happy 😊

Sunday Life thoughts :)

mental health

It’s been a nice weekend so far, I’ve spent most of my weekend relaxing in bed and watching tv and as we speak I’m laying down in bed under my heated blanket. The weather continues to change, one day it’s cold the next it’s hot and honestly I stopped keeping up. My daughter has a really bad cold right now and I’m in full mom mode and trying to get her better and also trying not to get sick so, theraflu here Cherelle comes.

Yesterday was so rainy and nasty outside and guess who ended up out in the rain 🌧 🙋‍♀️ I had to go to Walmart to get some things for my daughter and pick up food for the house. I’m in the store walking around and a worker was stocking food on the aisle, so it was blocked off and people couldn’t get by, well I’m trying to grab some milk, when a women comes behind me with an attitude saying “excuse me” In a rude tone so at that point, I’m a little annoyed and taken back. I move over and roll my eyes and allow her to go by me, then go back to grabbing my milk. I was mad at that point and honestly wanted to slap her not going to lie and calling my mom was the only thing that would keep me calm, so I pull my phone out and dialed her number and explain what happened, she was upset and freaked out because, she knows how I can be at times, especially when I’m not on my medication.

It’s been a struggle lately without my medication and it’s causing me to be angry and on edge and my next doctors appointment isn’t until March 11th, because his booked again and missing my last appointment didn’t help, all though it was out of my hands and now I’m sitting here waiting. I’m one of those people that needs medication in order to function, because without it sometimes, I’m a complete mess to be honest and for a few days honestly, I was thinking “I’m ok” again but now I’m seeing that I’m not. At this point their is not much for me to do, but wait or maybe see, will my doctor call in a prescription for me, but I’m thinking that’s a no because again, his money hungry and likes to see me before doing anything. I’m hoping to get through these next two weeks, but honestly it’s scary, because feeling the way I been feeling isn’t a good feeling, but gotta stay strong and do the best I can.

I’m not a violent person at all or a mean person and I’m always nice to others, but cannot stand being disrespected especially when, I’ve done nothing wrong and it’s like that quiet girl in the corner has faded and found her voice and became more vocal, because in high school being bullied and not having a voice everyday was horrible and now being older I’m not standing for it. I haven’t slept all weekend and my body is now paying for it. I keep waking up like I’m going to work and then watching tv all morning. I woke up at 8 this morning and paid bills and then watched old episodes of Dr. Phil until my daughter woke up. That’s how my days have been here lately, so I’m really thinking not having my Medicine is starting to mess with me a whole lot.

I’m up bored now, as my daughter takes her nap and I’m sitting in my room looking at the walls, wondering what’s next and seeing how pretty outside it is today, I’m grateful for this beautiful Sunday, but I’m also tired and probably should take a nap while my daughter is sleeping. I’m hoping tomorrow, will be a great work day for me and a great day for you all as well, I’m going to attempt to take a nap or try to catch a show on Hulu or Netflix doing this down time. Enjoy your Sunday! 😊

-Cherelle ❤️

Friday highlights :)

mental health

Ok, so today has been super crazy and busy for me, I woke up early and made breakfast for my daughter and I then we played for a while. I finally got her dressed then got myself together and I’m finally proud to say that IM SPRINT FREE!!! I’ve been with them since, I was 16 and honestly I’m over it and was tired of dealing with them and their bad customer service and high phone bill, so now I’m officially with Verizon and couldn’t be happier the reps were so nice and kind and made me feel great about my purchase on the iPhone XR and I’m looking forward to doing more business with them.

I was out, so long today and it resulted in me missing my doctors appointment and his booked until the 11th of March, so now guess who has to wait another week with no meds again, so I’m kind of frustrated at this rate plus they told me, i have a bill and I’m upset about that because my insurance always covers my visits , so I’m not paying that and I stated for them to re bill my insurance and honestly at this point I’m thinking about switching doctors because I’m tired of my doctor to be honest and he doesn’t really do anything for me yet wants to charge me unnecessary amounts of money for talking to me for 5 minutes and then refilling my meds. It’s not even worth it anymore 🤷‍♀️ and I’m tired.

It seems to be so hard to find actually good help when you have mental illness, like why can’t someone good help me for once and actually have my best interest 😩 a girl can dream and wish can’t she? I’m not going to let that bring me down though, today has been a pretty good day for the most part, the only other thing that didn’t happen was me getting more make up and going shopping but that’s ok I’ll make tomorrow be that day. I love shopping more lately, my boyfriend laughs about that because I’ll literally have him going down every aisle in the store to buy things that aren’t really needed but my mind tells me to grab it especially when it’s on sale, I’m a shopaholic sometimes lol. I’ve been dying to do my podcast today, but my phone is still downloading my apps so can’t really do much on my phone at the moment, so now I’m watching judge shows on tv and wondering what movies to watch on Netflix tonight.

I find so much peace lately in my room curled up in my bed under my heated blanket. I’ve always been a loner anyway, so being alone makes me happy for the most part. I’ll never be that girl with a million friends and always having plans on the weekends, it’s not me at all and I’m perfectly content and happy with that. I love the friends that are still in my life, even though we don’t see each other often, it’s ok with me. I like spending my days with my daughter or my boyfriend anyway, we are homebodies so it works out perfectly. The older you get the more you start to embrace who you are and what makes you truly happy. Although sometimes I’m wishing to be 18 again lol, too bad I’m far from it now.

It’s Friday, so enjoy your day guys and be happy and blessed, I’m off to relax and watch some tv before going to be later on. Take care and stay warm.