Saturday morning thoughts.

Waking up, I’m grateful for seeing another day and as I sit here in my thoughts, I’m starting to think about everything I’ve been through the past year and how strong I truly am, I remember being the quiet shy girl in school never speaking up for herself never being able to be vocal due to fear and now I can’t shut up lol. I always have something to say or I wanna vocalize something.

My courage.

I talk a lot about mental health now with people around me where as before I was scared to tell anyone, I suffered with depression or anxiety, it was like a hidden secret that the world could not know about in my mind it was embarrassing and a secret I kept from everyone around me but now, I find myself talking about it with everyone around me and you would be surprised to know how many people around me suffer as well. The medication helps me a lot it gets me through the the tough days. I’m learning to smile again and not let the little things bring me down.

The world šŸŒŽ

The world is such a cold place now so much wrong going on and so many people suffering it really truly makes me sad to see all the things going on. To see so many people dying or attempting to reach out for help and no one is there for them. I use to watch the news every night but cannot even stomach it anymore due to all the bad things happening. Its so easy to reach out and touch someone and let them know they are not alone and it will be ok, I think that’s why mental heath has become such a big thing for me this blog has helped me with that lot and also because so many people suffer and no one knows.

Final thoughts..

I encourage you to be a light in someone else’s life and make someone smile on this beautiful Saturday morning and let them know “you are not alone” I am here. Enjoy your Saturday and don’t forget to smile and tell someone you love them today.

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Iā€™m back!!

It feels good to be back, I know I’ve been gone for a while the last post I did was on Christmas Eve like I’m the worse, I already know. I’m going to dedicate myself more to my blog, I’m going to be posting every Saturday/Sunday starting this week. Those are the best days for me, I’m going to start this blogging thing off right and be more dedicated to keeping up and letting you guys know what’s going on with me more.

So basically I’m going to catch you up on where I’ve been and what’s been going on since the last post. So hang in here with me guys because it’s about to get long winded lol jk or am I? šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø so let’s get started.

Anxiety update:

My anxiety has been so good and I’m happy to say, I haven’t been depressed or sad in a while and that’s a good feeling for me. I’ve been seeing my doctor on a regular basis and he has me on my anxiety meds witch are working amazing , he even up my dosage at our last visit and it’s been going well so far, the only side effect I’m not liking too much is the drowsiness and feeling sleepy but other then that the medicine is perfect, I’m learning I’m one of those people that needs meds to function and I’ve accepted that and I’m not ashamed I’m actually proud to admit I’m far from perfect. I would rather be safe then sorry. I’ve been trying to stay up beat and positive about anything and keep the negative out my circle and away from me. I’ll definitely keep you updated on my anxiety.

Relationship:

I was so happy to celebrate my one year anniversary with my wonderful boyfriend on the 6th of January, it’s been an amazing year, his been an amazing guy and he treats my daughter so well so, I couldn’t ask for a better man to be in my life this is the happiest I’ve ever been with someone and I’m glad we met each other when we did. It’s nothing like good timing to help you meet the right person when you lease expect it. I also wanna do a blog post this up coming weekend on relationships. I’m going to do more post on relationships in the upcoming future.

My diet:

I don’t even wanna deal with this lol but geez I gotta get back on track I’ve gained a few pounds back unfortunately, so can’t say I’ve been on track but I do plan on starting the keto diet next week with my mom so, I will let you guys know how that works. It’s so hard to stick to this diet thing, I do so well for a month or two then I slip up again and it’s disappointing but I’m human and I’m going to keep pushing and love the skin I’m in. I’m going to get healthy this year and do what’s best for me on my terms and my standards not what everyone else wants me to do. I will keep you guys updated on this aspect of my life as well let’s keep those fingers crossed šŸ¤ž

What you can expect:

So with it being a new year, I really wanna blog more about different things, I don’t wanna stick to always talking about my anxiety or dieting so my next steps is to talk more about hair, makeup, relationships, and all other things and I’ll even post videos on here as well. I’m going to kick this blog up going forward and you can also expect a Q&A from me soon as well. So guys, I hope you had an amazing new year and I hope you enjoy your week I’ll be posting again on Saturday so look out for it.

Life goes on..

So crazy how Life can be sometimes and how things happen that we don’t always expect to happen. So in my last post things we’re looking up for me or so I though. I don’t wanna make this super long so I’m going to get right into it.

My anxiety/depression –

I was honestly happy for a while, I felt good everything seemed to be fine, however so much has happened and honestly I’ve come to the conclusion and so have others around me that it’s best I stay on my meds. I honestly wish that it was possible for me to be medication free but for now and because it seems for the best I’m seeing my doctor this week about more medication to help me. The weird part is I try to be happy and I try to not be depressed but it’s sad because I find myself always on edge and upset most of the time and I can’t control it like I want too. I think it’s best for me to take my medication and seek my therapy until things get better. This is not a set back for me more so something that I have to get through and I know in the end things will come out better and I’ll be stronger. I’m learning it’s ok to take medication and please don’t ever be ashamed to do that.

The Job-

In my last post, I stated that I had a great interview that was suppose to lead to a Job and please excuse any bad language in this post but it’s how I feel. The lady that supposedly hired me is full of shit, she basically played me in a way because she told me that the position was mine even the doctor there told me that it was mine,then she told me she was going to send me some paper work to fill out and call my job for a reference so needless to say a week goes by,I don’t hear from her at all, so today I decided to call.she picked up and acted like she didn’t know who I was or what was going on, it was crazy then she has this bull shit excuse saying that she has been busy because the office was closed due to bad weather yesterday it was a bunch of crap to me like how do we go from two interviews to telling me I’m hired and your going to email me paper work to this, now she’s claiming she’s doing more interviews as well, I honestly feel like you can’t trust anybody now a days but honestly I blocked the number because I don’t want any more parts to this company and I don’t want her calling me to offer me anything because she’s full of shit. (Again sorry for the language).

What’s next-

So basically I even told my Job that, that I was leaving so imagine my embarrassment so now to make a long story short gotta tell my Job tomorrow that I’m not leaving, so yes this has been a Hugh mess but no matter what I’m going to keep smiling and keep pushing. Gotta be grateful to have a job now a days so can’t let this break me I’m going to keep pushing and keep moving and do what’s best for me. I wish this post was a little more positive, I gotta speak my truth even when it doesn’t feel right or always sound the way I want it too. Anyway going to end this and enjoy the rest of my day off because it’s back to work tomorrow so enjoy your Tuesday.

Life update :)

Hey guys, I’m going to make this post quick and to the point, I been double missing lately but I also been super busy and Trying to get ready for the holidays. I wanted to wait to even talk about this but might as well spill the beans and give you an update on life and what’s been new with me.

Anxiety-

My anxiety lately has been so good, I haven’t had any major set backs, I haven’t had to take my anxiety meds or anything. Ive been super calm no stress, just living a great great life and I pray it stays like this for a long time. I don’t want anything flaring my anxiety up so I don’t wanna jinx it either but for the most part it’s been so good and I’m happy.

Depression-

My depression is also very well lately, I haven’t really been sad I been in a great mood, I’m not crying all the time or being with drawn from everybody around me or feeling not like myself so far I’ve been in great sprits and I’ve decided not to go see my therapist since I’m doing so well. This is another thing that I don’t wanna jinx and i pray doesn’t resurface anytime soon because being sad/depressed is honestly no fun and I was miserable everyday. So gotta keep my fingers crossed.šŸ¤ž

My job-

I’m still at my current job, things there have been looking up actually, no drama between my co workers and I, everyone is getting along and were getting the job done and it’s actually been a good work environment here lately. I’m grateful for the position and the job that I’ve been given but I also had an interview at another drs office last week and they called me back and they want to meet with me again this up coming week to discuss the job more and let me meet the dr, so it’s looking good so far and I think I may have a new job but don’t wanna jinx that either or jump the gun too quick so I won’t go into to much detail about it yet but guys if I land this job things will definitely start looking up and this would be a good look for me so I will keep you guys posted on it.

Conclusion-

Nothing is perfect but I’ve been doing well lately and I want it to stay that way so I’m trying to stay positive and keep the negativity away from me. I’m sorry I suck at blogging lately the app is on my phone, I really have no valid excuses for my lack of blogging but I’m going to get better( I know I say that a lot) I really am please be patient with me and if you wanna see what else I’m doing you can go subscribe to my YouTube channelhttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UClMlsfycn0FYkgBkQU4Ik6A ,I’ve been doing a lot of videos lately and I’ll be doing one later and posting it tonight so be on the look out for that. Enjoy your Sunday I’m back to watching movies on Netflix. Talk to you soon!

The way I been feeling..

so much has happened in the past couple of weeks I’m feeling really weird about everything to be honest, I’ve held so much in haven’t said a lot about half the things that really bother me, I’m always that girl in the crowd who’s smiling who’s always so put together and people always say to me ” you’re always so happy, are you ever sad, you always smile” the truth is I wear a smile all the time to hide a lot of the things that go through my head or that I’m dealing with. I been feeling so un easy lately like I’m here physically but mentally I’m some where else.

I’ve been dying to tell my boyfriend about my thoughts but honestly his been so busy with work and dealing with his own things so I don’t wanna burden him but inside I’m dying I’m dying to get out I’m dying to tell anyone who will listen about these thoughts. I keep telling him I’m not ok but does he even really hear me, Ive told my mom a little bit and she says “take your anxiety meds you will be ok” I get that helps but what if I don’t wanna feel like a zombie or something I’m not for a day. I’ve been dying to get away so this weekend I’ll go out of town to spend some time with my boyfriend and his family witch I’m looking forward too because I’m in desperate need of a get away maybe I’ll come back and feel better maybe I won’t either way it’s worth a shot.

I been beating myself up about finding a new job trust me I love where I work but I wanna be closer to home driving an hour back and fourth everyday is getting old and taking a toll on me and my car, I’ve had to do so many repairs lately and I’m tired to say the least. I hope some new opportunity will present itself soon as far as my career goes only time will tell have to keep applying for jobs and sit back and wait not only that but my daughters father coming back in my life has been nothing but pure hell and I wish he never came back I’m starting to hate him literally we got into a Hugh argument through text yesterday and it didn’t end well at this point I no longer want him around me or my daughter she has a good life and is loved and I’m done trying with him it’s costing me too much peace and I can’t have my inner peace being destroyed.

I feel broken and I never thought I would say that out loud to be honest, I want everything to be different but it’s not instead it’s the complete opposite and I hate how someone can come into your life and turn it upside down by being an asshole and threatening to do things to you I’ve never dis liked someone so much but it’s ok because the next time we speak it will be through my lawyer because I cannot cannot take it anymore with him, he needs to be taught a lesson and I’m here to be the teacher today. I’m going to try my best to pep up try my best to wear a smile and not let all the drama bring me down but it’s hard sometimes. My anxiety is at an all time high so I do indeed think it’s time to contact my therapist and it’s time for me to get back on my meds for a while until everything dies down. I know I’m going to be ok, I know eventually things will get better and I’m going to keep having hope and stayed prayed up.

Thanks for listening to my long vent guys, I’m going to go lay down now because it’s back to work tomorrow and I have an intern I have to train so gotta get all the rest I can get my sweeties. Enjoy your Sunday! Ps: this post probably won’t go up till Monday.

also I’m feeling a bit better today but last night I was so over it!