Does age really matter|when dating|in relationships!

FYI I’m not promoting someone who is super old to date someone 17 or under/ or the other way around, just wanted to put that out there when it comes to this topic I would never promote that.

I been thinking about this post for two days now and I keep posing the question in my mind, I hear it constantly being talked about online also in person and it makes me wonder does age really matter at all?

My Story:

In my early 20’s I dated a guy who was 30 and it never really bothered me, he saw me as his equal and I didn’t treat him like he was older, we had a some what of a great relationship but every couple has it’s ups and downs. I did realize some people were like your really dating someone that old or she’s so young but it never really bothered us and I remembered my grandma telling me she was happy for me but again that relationship didn’t last for other reasons but the age never really bothered me.

Fast forward:

My boyfriend and I now are two years apart, I feel so old don’t even wanna reveal my age but what the hell who cares right? So anyway when we met he was 26 and I was 28 well fast forward I’m a year older now and his 27 the point is age should not matter his not immature I’m not strict or trying to be his mother because I’m older we really mesh together he gets me and I get him, his my best friend and the best thing that’s ever happened to me age doesn’t matter when you love someone so why do people make such a big deal about it?

Let’s get down to the bottom..

People really need to let others be happy, worry about yourself and not other people. stop preaching and telling people how they should live their life or what they should be doing. Age doesn’t matter it’s what in that persons heart and think about it this way, someone could be the same age as you and still be immature someone who is older could still be immature it’s really no way of telling but it’s whoever your compatible with and when looking to date age shouldn’t effect how you feel for a person. Going back to favorite motto “if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all” choose happiness and let others be happy as well.

Final words..

I feel like society puts so much pressure on the world when it comes to certain things and it’s sad that we fall prey to what society thinks about us or how we should be when it’s not even necessary to be that way, Life is short so Do whatever makes you happy and don’t worry about what others are going to say or think. Age is a number it does not matter and we should all be happy and love hard. So to anyone out there who is dating someone older or younger don’t listen to outside voices do what makes you happy and live your life.

I’m sorry this is so short, I’m kind of taking a mini blog break again gotta hit the reset button so me not blogging as much means I’m taking a mini break but I’ll still try to blog in between. Sometimes I value my “me time” nothing against anyone Just need time to clear my head. Enjoy your Wednesday night I’m off to relax then off To bed 🙂

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Bad relationships/why do we stay?

The reason I’m making this blog post is because we all have that one friend or family member who has been with the wrong guy or girl and we continue to tell them over and over it’s not going to work but to them we sound crazy and should mind our business, well today at work we had girl talk and of course the topic of discussion was relationships and how we feel about certain things that men/women tend to do and why do we stay sometimes even when we’re miserable.

Let’s get started..

So one of my co workers is currently dealing with a relationship dilemma,she’s not sure weather she should leave her relationship or stay. she’s not happy but doesn’t want to leave him “when his down” as she says and honestly I think a lot of women feel this way, I know I’ve stayed in many bad relationships because, I thought I loved that person and I thought things Would work out but it didn’t and it left me stuck and full of emotions and trying to figure out how to deal with them. So then poses the question is love really enough? Honestly in my opinion it’s not you can love the hell out of someone but love is not going to keep me there especially when I’m miserable and unhappy. I’ve learned that I have to love me first and do what makes me happy.

Let’s dig deeper..

In all my past relationships I wasn’t happy with myself and it caused me to cling to the wrong type of men,in my mind they loved me but it wasn’t love at all it was me being stuck in bad situations and thinking it was enough when clearly it wasn’t, I was always finding myself pondering back and fourth trying to please others over myself and no matter how many times i got hurt it never stopped me from giving love a try again even though in my mind it was clear what the outcome would be, my heart indured so much pain and it cause me more heartache then anything and it honestly wasn’t worth it in the end. I will also add this if you feel like you have to cheat on your partner because they are not giving you attention or you are that miserable being with them, my biggest suggestion is move on and leave them don’t hurt that person because you are hurting that’s make no sense to me at all and I seen it happen to many time with friends or people I know so leave the situation don’t make things even worse.

When do we start to love us enough..

It really breaks my heart to see women even men with the wrong person and watch them waste their time so many times over and over and at some point we have to have that self love for ourselves because when we don’t it turns in to us picking the wrong person to be with, I’m always challenging people around me to stay single and focus on themselves until they really know what they want and can find self love first before beginning to love another person. In the end it causes a lot of unresolved problems and causes us to resent that person even though we had a choice to leave or stay. I watch my co worker talk daily about her relationship and anything you say to her she gets mad because she has talked herself into being happy when in reality she’s not she vents and complains to us daily and we give her advice but she never takes it and in no way shape or form am I degrading her or trying to make her look like a bad person because trust me I’ve been that girl before in relationships I more so wanted to use her story as an example to help others because we have all been there at one point in time.

Conclusion..

At the end of the day I hate to say it but we only have ourselves to blame when we choose to be in bad relationships with the wrong person because the door is always open but we chose to leave it closed. I hope that this helps someone out there know that you are loved and the right person is coming to you so be patient and keep being you also don’t jump too quick into relationships without knowing more about the person and always always make sure to love you first. I’m rooting for each and every one of you and I know things will be ok. Stay positive my sweeties.

I have to get back to work now we’re starting to get busy ✌️

When someone from the past tries to come back into your life 😮 (let those ex’s go)

This topic actually came to mind when I was at a red light in my car yesterday and now I’m finally getting around to talking about it. I know every girl and even some guys have had an ex come back into your life or at least TRY to come back in your life, it’s like with no warning all of a sudden this person has found you on Facebook or Instagram or some how gotten your phone number from a friend and you receive and Anonymous text message out of no where, You have basically moved on with your life but of course they haven’t.

The guilt trip..

So many know how ex’s will pop up all of a sudden acting brand new and telling you all the problems they now have in their life and how they need a friend and your suppose to feel sorry for them, (I think not) I won’t even lie I’ve had people from my past try to pop up and it annoys me honestly, I have cut you out my life for a reason this means don’t contact me and I won’t contact you. I once had an ex who was going through hard times and he called me cause he didn’t have any food in his house so me being nice I gave him money well that was my mistake because he kept asking and I refused to help anymore because at that point I already knew he was taking advantage of my kindness. We should never feel guilty behind what someone else has done and trust me I’ve learned the hard way on that one (also this was all before I had my daughter and got into my current relationship) I would never ever do that now.

Why do they come back…

I think most times they feel bad for things they did and they feel that they need to redeem themselves, I’m one of those People who chooses to forgive but I will never forget. I’ve had ex’s tell me they messed up and they feel bad because I was a good girlfriend, ok all that sounds cute and all but it’s too late and I’ve already moved on, I never see the point in re living the past again. I never really dated a good guy before until my current relationship it’s crazy to think back to all the wrong guys I dated and why I picked them, I was so insecure in myself and who I was and they saw that and took advantage of that. I never want my daughter to feel pain from a man as I have. So ladies even men do not let your ex come back forgive them but find the strength to move on to something even better.

Conclusion..

When your relationship is done and over with move on, change your number(if you want too), Block them on social media or if you choose to keep that person in your life just strictly keep it as friends that’s it nothing more but I will say In my opinion, I don’t want any of my ex’s back and I don’t want them contacting me and trust me it has happened and I always shut it down quickly because I’m not for all the drama. You have to remember it’s a reason that you and that person didn’t work out so don’t fall prey to being a victim to them again.

Enjoy your Friday guys and stay away from those ex’s (get you something better) ✌️

5 ways to get over a break up/heartbreak.

Ok, so I blog a lot about love because let’s face it I’m a big fan of love and happiness so we all have had our heart broken at some point or another and it hurts. I know a lot of times we don’t know how to deal with it or even what to say when someone we know is going through a bad break up so I’m here today to share my thoughts and my opinions on what has helped me get through some tough breaks up.

Also…

No I’m not going through a

Break up!! Just wanted to put

That out there.

Let’s get started….

1. Don’t blame yourself-

I know a lot of times after a bad break up we tend to blame ourselves thinking “what did I do?” ” how can we fix what has happened” or “maybe I shouldn’t of said or done that” the reality is you can’t change everything that’s happened sometimes two people grow apart and realize it’s not meant to be (loving someone does not mean they are meant to be in your life) it’s not your fault take that blame off of you everything in life happens for a reason.

2. Spend time with family/friends-

In most cases when we get in a new relationship we get so wrapped up into that person that we forget our friends and family even exist every conversation is “Jason this Jason that” (an example) and it drives the people around us crazy sometimes.The best thing you can do is rekindle those friendships and go out with your girls for a night on the town. you never know what could happen or who you could meet, try going to a family function as well being surrounded by family can always lift your spirits up and if anyone asks about your former lover just simply reply with “I don’t wanna talk about it” or “can we talk about something else.”your not obligated to talk to anyone about your relationship unless you want too, the healing process takes time.

3. focus on finding yourself-

The biggest thing you can do is focus on YOU your newly single so this is the best time to get to know you again, do some things alone like go shopping or go get your nails done. Remember all those tv shows or movies your partner hated well lounge around and watch them, go outside and take a long walk, it will relive loads of stress and make you feel a whole lot better. There’s even support groups you can join(only if needed) try taking a trip out of town maybe but remember this is your time to figure you out and get to know yourself better. (don’t and I repeat don’t start talking to other people too quick because your not giving yourself any time to grieve or move on from your ex you cannot let someone else in to your space until your truly ready to close the last chapter and when your actually in the right state of mind to make good decisions.

4. Delete the pictures/phone numbers-

I know this is the hardest guys because pictures hold so many wonderful memories but they have to go you can’t hold on to something that is no longer with you. It’s not healthy to wake up and look at your photo gallery only to see pictures of your ex popping up. The moment when I’m done in a relationship the pictures immediately go because it no longer serves me a purpose to have that person in my phone. I know deleting numbers is also a tough one but sometimes it has to be done or they have to be blocked depending on how bad the break up was some people have a mature break up others don’t so sometimes you have to delete that number to have some peace of mind or maybe you change your number to start fresh again it’s all up to you and how you feel.

4. Live with no regrets-

So it didn’t work out it’s not the end of the world you will have other girlfriends/boyfriends in your lifetime so don’t look at it as a bad thing, I’m sure you have had some great times with that person and Made some wonderful memories, also think about positivity in the situation and have no regrets because at one point in time that person was exactly what you wanted and who made you happen even if things didn’t work out.

Try to find the positive in any situation because unfortunately break ups do happen and heartbreak comes along with it, you have to stay strong and know that you are loved and you are worth meeting the right person some day, don’t give up on love because your soulmate is somewhere out there waiting on you.

Also remember it’s ok to be single, never feel bad because you don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend your time is coming and your main focus should always be YOU (self love is the best kind of love) always remember that.

❤️💜💙

Falling in love, 5 signs i knew (he) was the one.

Happy Sunday, waking up to another day full of life and the first thing on my mind was “love” in my opinion love is one of the most important things you can give someone it’s also one of the best feelings when it’s reciprocated back to you. I haven’t always had the best relationships and I have had my fair share of heart breaks and moments where giving up felt like the only option. I’m here today to share my story and to tell you the 5 signs that let me know my boyfriend was the one.

Everyone’s story is different

This is mine… let’s go on a

Little Journey..

I stated in a previous post (long distance relationships) how I met my boyfriend so I won’t go in to all that detail again but if you wanna know the story you can go check out that post. I remember a year ago being alone trying to be a single parent, working and trying to keep it all together in all honesty I wasn’t looking for love but along the way I kept meeting the wrong people and wasting my time. I was in the middle of giving up on love when I met my current boyfriend he was cute, sweet, loving and most of all he didn’t try to change me and he treated me like a queen and still does.

I was so use to dating guys who had abused me, called me out my name, constantly disrespect me, cheated on me and tried to control me that when he came into my life, I wasn’t sure what to expect. In the beginning I pushed him away a lot because of my fears and I wasn’t as open as I could of been. I did things that he didn’t understand but it was all to protect my heart from getting broken again. Eventually my walls came down and I noticed myself being relaxed with him, I noticed myself being able to talk to him about anything and I started to trust him. In my heart I started to see that he wasn’t like the others, that he was indeed different and it wasn’t just from his words but his actions spoke loud too, he was keeping his promises he would show up whenever I needed him, he made sure that I was ok and the biggest thing here, he excepted my daughter and made sure that we were both ok.

5 signs? Ok let’s get in to it..

1. He excepted my daughter

This is the biggest sign because the moment I explained to him my situation that I was a single parent and had a daughter he wanted to meet her and get to know her. When they met it was beautiful he spent time with her, played with her and got to know her better.

2. He excepted me for who I was

In all my relationships the guy always tried to change me I couldn’t be myself and I felt like I was living a lie honestly, when I met my current boyfriend he liked everything about me he excepted me for who I was he always tells me I’m beautiful and that I can accomplish whatever I want to in life he never wants me to be anything but my true authentic self.

3. He introduces me to everyone as his girlfriend not just “my friend”

This is a major one guys because if a guy/girl introduces you as a friend they are not that into you at all (my opinion) unless you really are just friends 🤷‍♀️ but when I’m dating someone and they say that inside I cringe. When I met his family/friends he said “this is my girlfriend cherelle” he never said this is my “friend” that’s always good, introduction is everything and the fact that he respected me enough and though of me enough to do that it meant a lot.

4. He has god in his life

I know not everyone is super religious I myself am not either but I do believe in god and I believe everything happens for a reason I was always taught that with god In your life/in your relationship nothing can go wrong and I’m glad that his on my level of spirituality and we both pray for each other. (If your not religious or don’t believe that’s fine I’m not judging at all everyone is different this is just my opinion/my story).

5. He has goals in life

Yes yes this is a good one, I’m very goal Oriented and I have a great career so of course the person I’m with has to be on the same level as me I’m not saying he has to be perfect but I want him to at least be striving to do the best he can in his life. My boyfriend has plenty of goals he knows what he wants out of life and strives to be better everyday. That’s so important when dating you and your partner should always want more and better things for yourself always (again I’m not judging at all just saying it’s always good to have goals in life you may not be where you want to be but always strive to get there, remember everyone has to start some where)

Again these are all my opinions and all the things they made me fall in love with my boyfriend, everyone’s story is different and of course I could of went on with more signs but those are the ones that came to mind when writing this post, remember love is out there so don’t give up on finding the one for you also there is nothing wrong with being single either. I was for a very long time,I spent most of that time trying to find myself and be happy with who I was.

I woke up thinking about “love” it’s Sunday guys so go spread some love and positivity.

My story: Abusive relationships/domestic violence (speaking my truth)

This is probably one of the hardest post for me to write, I’ve been debating for days on posting this or not, I’ve never really told my story out loud before where people actually knew about it I’ve told a few friends or family members but not a lot of people know the truth.

It started in 2014 when I met a guy he seemed sweet and nice in the beginning, he never gave me any warnings or made me feel like something wasn’t right. we would hang out all the time, he made me laugh and he even treated me like a queen and made sure that as always I was ok and taken care of.

The weird part is I remember my therapist asking me ” when was the first time it happened?” I paused before answering thinking back to the first time he laid hands on me we had gotten in to an argument it seemed meaningless at the time but it was obviously bad enough for him to grab me up and shove me in to the wall, I remember telling him to get off me, I remember being scared but that still wasn’t enough for me to leave him.

We moved along as If everything was normal but it wasn’t he was always trying to change me from how I acted, what I wore, who I could and couldn’t talk too. He became extremely controlling and I felt trapped but I still couldn’t leave him after all he was sorry, i recalled another night where he had gotten so angry with me because I said something he didn’t like so he grabbed me up slammed me to the ground and proceed to put his hands on me.I tried fighting him off, even told him I was calling the police eventually he got scared took my phone and his so I had no one to call, he pleaded with me not to call anyone because he didn’t wanna lose everything and I felt bad because his mother was sick, I gave in like I always did because after all he claimed to love me.

So Many nights were spent in fear because in my mind, I never really knew when he would have a moment when he would lose control. I never told anyone what was going on, I was secluded from family and friends and I felt alone. The final straw was when we were in the bathroom, I was getting ready so we could go out and I remember he had a group of friends over they were downstairs he proceeded to start an argument, I wasn’t trying to argue all I wanted in that moment was for him to leave me alone but he wouldn’t go away he was angry and continued to yell and scream at me he raised his hand but instead of hitting me he grabbed me up and threw me towards the tub, I cried out in fear told him to let me go at this moment he was panicking, I remember his friends yelling asking what was going on he lied telling them everything was ok, I continued to try to reach for my phone but he had taken it and tried to keep me in the bathroom so I couldn’t leave.

I remember finally getting the courage to leave him and getting away, yes it took me two years but I finally had enough one day and I was tired of the physical/verbal abuse, I remember my dad telling me he wasn’t the one to be with, I remember my mom telling me she missed the old me. I couldn’t handle it all so I sough therapy, my therapist has gotten me through a lot she talked with me for hours, told me all the reasons I deserved better and helped me get myself together and I never looked back, so to anyone out there in a abusive relationship you deserved better and it’s never too late to get out I stayed longer then I should have in my mind I know I should of left way earlier no abuse is ever ok. This is my story and the whole time I type this I’m scared, scared because the world will finally know my truth. I hope this helps someone out there.

if you or anyone out there is being abused or hurt please seek help for it, I promise you it can get better (yes I know some stories are worse then mine) however I still wanted to share my story. It’s so much more that happened in those two years but of course I can’t type/put everything in this one blog so If anyone has questions they want to ask or want to know anything more I’m here to answer with open arms.

Thank you 🙏

https://www.thehotline.org

(Reach out to them for help)