Lifestyle

Women to women|Coming together.

It’s crazy because, I originally was going to do another post but instead I ended up picking this topic because day in and day out, I see so much bickering between women and it’s sad that as women we tend to pit ourselves against each other or down one another. we’re our own worse enemy and can’t even see it, it’s bad enough some(keyword some because not all men do this) men put us down but then we turn around and do it to ourselves and I can’t seem to understand why? I’ve watched another women go to another women’s page just to comment on a picture they didn’t like or to tear that women down for no reason at all, how do you sleep at night? And then the main ones that get me are the ones that put “child of god” in their bio like please that has to be a sick joke you cannot call yourself such a thing mean while your putting someone else down or name calling someone and I agree everyone has the right to their own opinion but there’s a difference, when it’s coming from a good place or when your just being plain nasty for no reason.

My experience..

I’ve never really fit into the in crowd, I’ve never been miss popularity but at the same time I’ve never felt the need to be anyone but me, I was bullied all through school by the mean girls as we call them. I never understood why someone can be so cruel, I was name called and told I was ugly, fat, and stupid by girls who didn’t even know me and their words started to eat at me as I got older and I started to believe it to a certain extent witch lead me down a path of destruction, starving myself, going days with no food and exercising constantly, hating the person behind the mirror. It’s weird to say those same girls now are fake friendly whenever they see me out but of course I never forget, my cousins ex also use to bully me in school and then turned around and tried to be nice to me because she was dating him. I can forgive a lot of things but trust me this girl will never forget.

The things I see.

I’m randomly on instagram today and as usual I’m scrolling down my time line and also looking at the search section where they show a bunch of pictures of celebrities, it saddens me to see so many women downing other women or saying ignorant things to be mean for no reason,like what is your motive? I honestly feel a lot of it is jealousy and the other part is women not liking who they are, self esteem is definitely a killer and will have you hating who you are, I’ve been there before. I will say this it’s no ones problem because you don’t like who you are and you should not treat others like shit because you don’t love yourself, it’s up to you to fix the broken pieces in you and get yourself together but don’t down another women or another person in general because you don’t like the shoes your in. I have to give tough love in this post for so many reasons because this is seen so much and it shouldn’t be.

Things to work on..

If you or anyone you know is that girl, I will say this it’s not too late to change who you are, and the next time you get online or even in person and see something you don’t like, keep scrolling it’s not hard, I do it all the time. I think as women we should always back each other the world we live in is already cold enough so why down one another. We have this new “me too” movement in place witch is suppose to be women empowerment yet still in some ways we have a long way to go as far as coming together but that’s a whole other topic. I truly encourage you to love on one another and treat each other the way you want to be treated stop putting others down and love yourself and the next time you think about saying something mean turn it into a positive.

Conclusion..

We have to stick together and show love each time we get a chance, so women even men let’s rise above the drama and be better than ever. I challenge you to go out today/tomorrow and say something nice to someone you love.

Lifestyle

Eating habits..

I’m always trying to eat healthy and put the right foods in my body but sometimes, I do have my cheat days and slips ups here and there, I will say my body feels better since I’ve stopped eating beef/pork but now I’m questioning should I cut meat out all together? I’m glad to say my family is actually on board with my new eating habits, they have been eating some of the same foods I’ve been eating or they will cook something separate for me.

This weekend, I went out of town. I’m visiting with my boyfriend and honestly we ate a lot of fast food yuck 🀒 so my boyfriend lives alone so of course he doesn’t cook a lot he usually eats out more unless I go with him to the store. So we ate at this Japanese restaurant and honestly I felt so sick eating the chicken I’m not sure why but it made me want to vomit literally and in that moment all I could think was “should I stop eating meat” it was gross to be honest. Then I asked my boyfriend what would you think if I went vegetarian he smiled of course and said he wouldn’t care but I don’t know guys and of course I get home and my mom has baked chicken for me of course I wanted to scream lol because I’m like no more chicken.

I proceed to try her food and my stomach was fine (nope I’m not pregnant) just putting that out there. I don’t know it was weird and then to top it off I had a bad dream last night and in the dream my doctor is telling me to stop eating meat so crazy I know literally so yes with that being said I’m not sure if this is a sign or what but I’m definitely a believer in signs. I’m not sure what to do next at all but, I do know I will continue on eating the way I am for now until I decide on going vegetarian/vegan.

On that note..

Lately I’ve been eating some good food, so I will tell you some of the foods I’ve eaten and liked also trying to keep this short and simple plus sweet lol.

1.cheese πŸ•

Ok so I never have liked cheese pizza I’m always use to eating supreme or pepperoni and sausage well the other week they catered to my Job and I tried it and it was so good guys like melted in my mouth good and I can’t wait to try cheese pizza again, it was actually better with no meat.

2.Bread 🍞

So I know bread is fattening but I absolutely love it so much with a dab of fat free butter its so yummy, my dad buys red lobster biscuits and makes them at home sooo good.

3. Mixed 🌽

Let me tell you guys mixed vegetables is becoming my new thing to eat it’s so good to me I love when it’s mixed with broccoli, zucchini, squash, potatoes and carrots, it’s so so good guys. I’m telling you!

4. Mixed πŸ‰

So for the last couple of days I been making fruit bowls every night before bed, last night I made a bowl of strawberries, berries, and grapes it was so good I even made one for my mom and daughter she loves grapes that’s one of the many fruits that I can actually get her to eat.

Conclusion..

I’m weird when it comes to food and picky sometimes so this process will take some time but for now I’m going to continue to be happy with my eating habits until I decide what’s next for me.

Thanks for listening to my crazy rant about food guys. I’m about to get off work and enjoy the rest of my Monday πŸ™‚

Addiction

The truth, I never told!

So many things have happened in my life and I’ve kept them bottled up scared and fearful of the outcome but in doing this blog I’m finding out it’s easier to talk about the things that I’ve never said out loud so I wanna walk in my truth and tell a story that has never really been told so in a previous post I talked about my abusive relationship but it goes deeper then that.

Before I go to deep..

The idea for doing this kind of post came from me watching a show on Vice-land called “dope sick nation” it’s such a good show about the drug epidemic in Florida, it features two people Allie and Frankie who are trying to help addicts get clean and in to rehab it’s such a good show it will keep you on your toes and yes grab a tissue because it will make you cry at some scenes so please go check this show out it comes on every Wednesday at 9 or 10 I believe so go check your local channel listings for it.

Let’s get started..

I use to watch my ex all the time he seemed so put together but he wasn’t at all, he would drink now and then and I would drink with him sometimes and in the beginning I never saw any drug problems until one day he had friends over and I saw him start popping pills it shocked me at first and I asked him did he do this all the time he laughed and said no here and there so I believe him but as time went on he would always call his “dealer” to come over and bring him whatever he needed he would pay him 100 dollars sometimes even more for pills to snort or take to feel high all the time.

His world vs mine..

I tried my best to understand him and understand why he was like this but at the time I couldn’t. We spent many nights indulging in alcohol he even had me taking his pills, the difference was he was addicted and I wasn’t. I could stop anytime I wanted, he couldn’t it was obvious. the many days he spent sick when he didn’t have his prescription pills or his alcohol he would ponder back and fourth around the house trying to figure out how he could call someone and how he could get more alcohol and more pills. I remember every weekend feeling like a party everyone he hung out with was hooked on something and it was nothing new to them. I was lost in a world that I clearly knew nothing about it and it scared me.

His friend..

He has a friend that was hooked on every drug you could think of but of course it was normal to them, he would come over and talk to us now and then, he would talk about wanting to get out start Fresh how he was tired of the lifestyle he wanted out, he eventually went off to rehab and once he was back home he got sucked in to the lifestyle again this time was different. I remember getting a phone call from my ex telling me his friend had passed away apparent drug over dose he seemed scared like maybe he wanted to change his life around maybe he wanted to do better.

The outcome..

I honestly don’t know weather he is still doing drugs because we no longer speak but I can say I have not drink alcohol(I drink wine but nothing past that) or taking any pills since we broke up in 2015/2016 so yes addiction is real guys and to anyone out there dealing with someone on drugs please be patient with that person and try to help them the best way you know how, addiction is not easy and someone will not change unless they are ready to change remember that, you can still be there for them.

I’ve never told this story out loud before so I’m glad it’s out now and I hope it helps someone out there, please love yourself guys and also I’m sorry this is going up late I’ve been out of town all weekend.

relationships

Bad relationships/why do we stay?

The reason I’m making this blog post is because we all have that one friend or family member who has been with the wrong guy or girl and we continue to tell them over and over it’s not going to work but to them we sound crazy and should mind our business, well today at work we had girl talk and of course the topic of discussion was relationships and how we feel about certain things that men/women tend to do and why do we stay sometimes even when we’re miserable.

Let’s get started..

So one of my co workers is currently dealing with a relationship dilemma,she’s not sure weather she should leave her relationship or stay. she’s not happy but doesn’t want to leave him “when his down” as she says and honestly I think a lot of women feel this way, I know I’ve stayed in many bad relationships because, I thought I loved that person and I thought things Would work out but it didn’t and it left me stuck and full of emotions and trying to figure out how to deal with them. So then poses the question is love really enough? Honestly in my opinion it’s not you can love the hell out of someone but love is not going to keep me there especially when I’m miserable and unhappy. I’ve learned that I have to love me first and do what makes me happy.

Let’s dig deeper..

In all my past relationships I wasn’t happy with myself and it caused me to cling to the wrong type of men,in my mind they loved me but it wasn’t love at all it was me being stuck in bad situations and thinking it was enough when clearly it wasn’t, I was always finding myself pondering back and fourth trying to please others over myself and no matter how many times i got hurt it never stopped me from giving love a try again even though in my mind it was clear what the outcome would be, my heart indured so much pain and it cause me more heartache then anything and it honestly wasn’t worth it in the end. I will also add this if you feel like you have to cheat on your partner because they are not giving you attention or you are that miserable being with them, my biggest suggestion is move on and leave them don’t hurt that person because you are hurting that’s make no sense to me at all and I seen it happen to many time with friends or people I know so leave the situation don’t make things even worse.

When do we start to love us enough..

It really breaks my heart to see women even men with the wrong person and watch them waste their time so many times over and over and at some point we have to have that self love for ourselves because when we don’t it turns in to us picking the wrong person to be with, I’m always challenging people around me to stay single and focus on themselves until they really know what they want and can find self love first before beginning to love another person. In the end it causes a lot of unresolved problems and causes us to resent that person even though we had a choice to leave or stay. I watch my co worker talk daily about her relationship and anything you say to her she gets mad because she has talked herself into being happy when in reality she’s not she vents and complains to us daily and we give her advice but she never takes it and in no way shape or form am I degrading her or trying to make her look like a bad person because trust me I’ve been that girl before in relationships I more so wanted to use her story as an example to help others because we have all been there at one point in time.

Conclusion..

At the end of the day I hate to say it but we only have ourselves to blame when we choose to be in bad relationships with the wrong person because the door is always open but we chose to leave it closed. I hope that this helps someone out there know that you are loved and the right person is coming to you so be patient and keep being you also don’t jump too quick into relationships without knowing more about the person and always always make sure to love you first. I’m rooting for each and every one of you and I know things will be ok. Stay positive my sweeties.

I have to get back to work now we’re starting to get busy ✌️

romance

Favorite date night spots|I’m gearing up for date night this weekend!!

I’m a hopeless romantic as alway and I’m always in the mood to talk about love and share my experiences so in honor of my up coming date night this weekend, I thought I would share some of my favorite date night places also great date places to go whenever your in the mood for a date and some fun.

1. Dinner

So dinner at your favorite restaurant with great food and even fantastic conversation can never go wrong you and your date can sit across from one another and truly get to know each other over a glass of wine or even water if drinking isn’t your thing. You can go to a fancy restaurant down town or even some place simple whatever makes you and your date happy either way going out to eat is a great choice for a first date. The night can be full of surprises yes it can.(by the way my favorite restaurant is red lobster)

2. Movies

I know some might be thinking this is so basic but no my boyfriend and I love to go to the cinema bistro it offers movies plus dinner and drinks it’s so much fun when picking the right movie it’s my boyfriends favorite place to go and like always he ends up picking the movie and I talk his head off trying to figure out what’s going to happens next. This is also good for a first date because you can watch your favorite movie and get to know your date at the same time so it’s a win win for both (personally I would rather watch movies at home) but I will do the movies for him.

3. Park

It’s nothing like a good old fashion date in the park with a picnic because you can eat and talk and be one with nature. I’ve always wanted to do a picnic never done it though but I say go for it and please enjoy yourself their is so many other things you can do in the park for Instance play a game of frisbee, walk the trails, even cook on the grill. It’s all about having fun and enjoying the nature with your significant other and if your like me and you love the outside then this is right up your ally so I say go ahead and make your park date happen soon rather then later. You won’t regret it!

4.spend time alone inside

Ok ok I know what your thinking how the hell is staying inside a good date well let me tell you all you have to do is cook your partner some dinner and cuddle up on the couch for some movies it’s the perfect set up and you don’t have to leave home, I love doing things like this with my boyfriend mainly because I’m a homebody anyway but also because you don’t always have to leave home to have a good time remember that, sometimes it’s ok to stay in and enjoy each other’s company once in a while. So try it sometime and close the outside world out for a little while πŸ™‚

5.bowling

I suck at bowling and I cannot bowl a strike to save my life but hey it’s not always about winning right? The point is this is a fun exciting date where you can get to know your date and have a good time while doing it, they even have good nachos mmm love my nachos but seriously guys this is a great place to go and you don’t have to take yourself so serious you can showcase your fun side and while also showing the other person your hobbies so it’s kind of a win win and soo much fun at the same time so I say let’s go bowling 🎳 no realkt let’s go πŸ‘‰ lol

6. The bar

Yes I know what your thinking but some people don’t want the date to be super serious or uncomfortable so going to a bar to talk or have a drink or two isn’t the worse thing in the world. Some bars even do karaoke night and you can never go wrong with that. The idea is to not take yourself so serious and learn to have some fun again I say go for it, it’s really whatever makes you happy either way as long as your getting to know the person and having fun that’s all that matters in the end.

Conclusion

Date night should alway be something you should keep in your relationship it helps to go out every now and then and enjoy some alone time with your partner so between your busy Schedule always try to make time for one another and live in the moment always. I can’t wait for date night and I hope your next days is everything you want it to be and more. enjoy your Tuesday night I’ll be enjoying mine because I’m off to bed, time to close my eyes.

anxiety, life

The way I been feeling..

so much has happened in the past couple of weeks I’m feeling really weird about everything to be honest, I’ve held so much in haven’t said a lot about half the things that really bother me, I’m always that girl in the crowd who’s smiling who’s always so put together and people always say to me ” you’re always so happy, are you ever sad, you always smile” the truth is I wear a smile all the time to hide a lot of the things that go through my head or that I’m dealing with. I been feeling so un easy lately like I’m here physically but mentally I’m some where else.

I’ve been dying to tell my boyfriend about my thoughts but honestly his been so busy with work and dealing with his own things so I don’t wanna burden him but inside I’m dying I’m dying to get out I’m dying to tell anyone who will listen about these thoughts. I keep telling him I’m not ok but does he even really hear me, Ive told my mom a little bit and she says “take your anxiety meds you will be ok” I get that helps but what if I don’t wanna feel like a zombie or something I’m not for a day. I’ve been dying to get away so this weekend I’ll go out of town to spend some time with my boyfriend and his family witch I’m looking forward too because I’m in desperate need of a get away maybe I’ll come back and feel better maybe I won’t either way it’s worth a shot.

I been beating myself up about finding a new job trust me I love where I work but I wanna be closer to home driving an hour back and fourth everyday is getting old and taking a toll on me and my car, I’ve had to do so many repairs lately and I’m tired to say the least. I hope some new opportunity will present itself soon as far as my career goes only time will tell have to keep applying for jobs and sit back and wait not only that but my daughters father coming back in my life has been nothing but pure hell and I wish he never came back I’m starting to hate him literally we got into a Hugh argument through text yesterday and it didn’t end well at this point I no longer want him around me or my daughter she has a good life and is loved and I’m done trying with him it’s costing me too much peace and I can’t have my inner peace being destroyed.

I feel broken and I never thought I would say that out loud to be honest, I want everything to be different but it’s not instead it’s the complete opposite and I hate how someone can come into your life and turn it upside down by being an asshole and threatening to do things to you I’ve never dis liked someone so much but it’s ok because the next time we speak it will be through my lawyer because I cannot cannot take it anymore with him, he needs to be taught a lesson and I’m here to be the teacher today. I’m going to try my best to pep up try my best to wear a smile and not let all the drama bring me down but it’s hard sometimes. My anxiety is at an all time high so I do indeed think it’s time to contact my therapist and it’s time for me to get back on my meds for a while until everything dies down. I know I’m going to be ok, I know eventually things will get better and I’m going to keep having hope and stayed prayed up.

Thanks for listening to my long vent guys, I’m going to go lay down now because it’s back to work tomorrow and I have an intern I have to train so gotta get all the rest I can get my sweeties. Enjoy your Sunday! Ps: this post probably won’t go up till Monday.

also I’m feeling a bit better today but last night I was so over it!

Sunday inspiration

My Favorite Sunday meals

In my family it’s always a tradition to cook big meals on Sunday’s, we all gather together and eat and talk about our week or what’s been going on with each other, I use to go to my grandmas every Sunday after church as a little girl she would cook the best meals and always made sure everything was perfect. I miss that now but try my best to keep the tradition up so let me tell you/share some of my favorite meals to make/eat on Sunday.

1.baked chicken w/greens and Mac and cheese

This is one of my favorite meals of all time for one I love chicken it’s good for the body has lots of protein and yes I will eat it baked or fried but of course baked is healthier. I love collard greens as well they taste good and are healthy for the body not to mention my dad makes the best Mac and cheese it’s so good and cheesy, I wish my Mac and cheese tasted that good but I wanna one lie it needs some work but I do try so that should count for something? Right? Lol don’t leave me hanging.

2. Baked spaghetti w/ground turkey

I love love love spaghetti it’s so good so I basically take a recipe that I got from my grandma she use to alway make a big pot of spaghetti when I was growing up and it was delicious to say the least and I love adding meatballs as well I also add sugar for that little extra flavor with some Italian seasoning, onions, peppers, mushrooms and that beautiful tomato sauce it’s so good. My dad makes the best baked spaghetti he will make a big tray of it that last for days and of course garlic bread can’t go wrong with that either. I’m trying to get better with baked spaghetti I always feel like I put too many noodles πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ so I’m learning lol but I do better with pot spaghetti.

3. Turkey wings

I love love turkey wings they are so good especially with a little bit of gravy on them as well, my favorite is the wing part and the skin sooo good with some green beans and mash potatoes and rolls to go with it, i absolutely love anything turkey anyway to be honest because it’s light and healthier for your body anyway it’s rare that I cook that during the week but it’s definitely one of my Sunday favorites al though it’s always hard to find in the grocery store sometimes so whenever I see it gotta grab it and stock up so yes that is great plus it’s a family favorite. You can either bake them or even fry them either way it’s good and once they are done you will love it!

4. Beef roast( my favorite before I stopped eating beef/pork.

My mom use to make this all the time still does and it use to be one of my favorites until I stopped eating beef/pork so she would bake it in the oven and put gravy with potatoes and carrots around it and it was always so yummy with rice or cabbage it was my favorite but of course my health comes first now so al though I miss it, it’s not that end of the world but yes it’s yummy and it’s always moist if you remember to always cover it first so always cover your beef to make it tender otherwise it will be tough that has happened to me before and it sucked so bad but hey you live and you learn I was a beginner cook back then now I’m a little more advanced well some what lol I try my best to cook good food always I really do.

5.Turkey meatloaf

So I actually made this today and it was good al though my dad didn’t like it but my mom and daughter did, of course turkey ground been isn’t going to taste as good as regular beef to some it’s healthier and I’m use to it at this point. You can’t miss what you really did eat a lot! I also made cabbage and potatoes with butter and parsley that I baked last night so I think my Sunday dinner was good and healthy, I usually don’t cook on Sunday because my mom does it but for some reason she wanted me to cook so I agreed even though I didn’t want too but glad I did now because it feels good knowing I made something different for my family since they are so used to eating a certain way so yayhhh proud of me 😊

Conclusion

Family time is so important and growing up Sunday was always my family time to relax and be around family and friends and these are just a few of the meals that I love of course there is more so as alway their will probably be a part two for this so look out for it and enjoy you Sunday’s while I continue too wait for my YouTube video to upload, I really need faster internet like ASAP. Until next time sweeties I’m off to relax and watch some tv.

anxiety

I’m back/what’s been going on part (2) πŸ’•

The crazy part is as I’m writing this I feel like a zombie I’m drained and tired as hell this week has completely taken me out honestly so much has happened and I feel like I’m losing control of everything, you ever wish for something and when you finally get it, you wish you could call the genie back to get rid of it(watch Aladdin) anyway this whole week my mood has been down the drain and I’m starting to wonder what’s next how much more can I take. Well might as well tell you the rest of what’s been going on with me..

Let’s get started..

So as I said in my last post my child’s father has suddenly popped back up into the picture and honestly it’s been crazy as hell since his been back like let me tell you he is well a little crazy I mean he chooses to pop up when he feels like it and expects me to jump at his every command. We met up today and it went to shit(sorry for my language by the way) he proceeds to tell me how he wants things to be and when he wants to see his daughter and how I need to break up with my boyfriend and be with him, like how delusional is he? I mean seriously you haven’t been in my daughters life for a year and now you wanna play daddy well I can’t say I’m not surprised but it’s crazy how he tries to hug me and touch on me and tell me he wanted me back then he continue to attack my boyfriends character (he doesn’t even know him) I don’t know this whole day has been completely crazy and I’m drained so drained my anxiety also has been at a all time high today I literally cried for no reason earlier plus I had full blown panic attack-before going to meet him is this a sign or what? Either way I feel like crap.

How everyone feels..

No one and I mean no one in my family likes my child’s father it’s a mess they all want him to go away and stay away from my daughter but me on the other hand well I want my daughter to have her father in her life but at the same time I want boundaries and I want us to be able to co parent drama free but we Always bump heads no matter what and it’s crazy, now my boyfriend is mad because he feels like my child’s father shouldn’t pop up when he feels like it or make demands when he hasn’t been here(I’ve never seen him so upset) honestly I wish my child’s father could respect the fact they I’ve moved on and I’m happy without trying to cause any unnecessary drama but it feels like he can’t do that and he seems like he won’t stop at nothing to break my relationship up and I definitely don’t want that. This whole thing is a complete mess and I feel like no matter what I do nobody will be pleased or happy with my decisions. The fact of the matter is I’m stuck with this man for the rest of my life because his in my daughters life and honestly I’m starting to feel trapped.

What’s next..

I honestly wish I knew what to do but I don’t at all and I feel like I’m torn between going back to my therapist or being back on my meds but either way how do I even know any of this will help me or will it get worse. There’s so much at stake here and I wish I knew what to do. I’m hoping that time will eventually let things play out and everything will fall into place but who am I kidding can it really get better from here? I’m honestly feeling like it won’t and the only thing keeping me together is my daughter but I won’t lie I’m slowly slowly going into shut down mode and not dealing with anything, all I can do is pray and hope that he will continue to be a father for my daughter and actually be consistent with being in her life.

Work life..

the same shit is going on that was going on last week nobody changed at all and most of all I’m over adults acting like kids its so annoying and ridiculous but as always I’ve been nice even when I’ve wanted to say more but I’ve remained calm and learned to ignore people who don’t add any value into my life can’t change everybody but I can change how I react to people and situations so I’ll keep you posted on this as ( go back to part 1 post to get the back story on this)

Conclusion

so much has happened since I’ve wrote this and honestly I don’t know what’s next to be honest so as always i will keep you posted on my oh so sweet crazy/fun/ I don’t even know life lol. I had to laugh it’s better then crying.

anxiety

I’m back/what’s been going on (part 1) β€οΈ

Ok guys so I’m back finally, I missed doing this so much, I hope everyone is doing well, I’m finally ready to talk about what’s been going on so let’s get in to it.

Dealing with my dad..

Ok so in a previous post I told you guys my dad and I were closer, well lately it’s been nothing but bickering between him and I, I didn’t feel like he loved me or even cared he was constantly getting on me about every little thing and always telling me how to parent my daughter and honestly that got old quick. I went to my mom and expressed to her that I was tired of it all and that I was done trying to form a relationship with my father, she was not having that so she spoke with him about some of the things that I have been feeling towards him and our relationship, long story short we had a heart to heart and talked, I’m a big baby and I cried and he told me he loved me and we have since been moving towards a good space with each other ( it’s a work in progress) I think with time my dad and I can get back to having that close relationship we once had when I was younger. So I will definitely keep you posted on this and more.

My child’s father coming back into our lives..

In a previous post I stated that I was a single parent because my child’s father choose not to be around well out of the blue I get a text/call from him stating that he wants to be apart of his daughters life now and how he has changed. I’ve been waiting for this moment for a very very long time but it was also scary for me being that I’m in a new relationship and I wasn’t sure how my daughter would even react to meeting him. The conversation started off rocky we weren’t getting along and honestly I was giving up hope but we have turned it around sort of, I clearly have a long way to go before I can trust him or let him be alone with my daughter but we will have to keep trying until everyone is comfortable with it. This has been really hard and it’s causing me to have to re live moments that I personally don’t want too but I will do it all for my daughter. I’m going to hope and pray that he will do right by her and things will move in a good direction so that we can co parent the right way.

My job..

So things at work were going great and then they went left again because in my mind I feel like I’m always being targeted for some reason maybe because I choose to be quiet and stay to myself, so anyway long story short I’m thinking everything is good between me and the girls(co workers) well clearly I was wrong I’m always being blind sighted and it sucks when I’m always being a good person I felt in my eyes if their is a problem why not address me instead of talking about me as if I’m not in the room or proceeding to tell me how to do my job when your not my boss is all I’m saying, I feel as adults it’s ways you handle things and ways you don’t and I’m over being nice to people who clearly don’t deserve it. I have tried to be the bigger person over and over again but it seems to get me no where so I’m at the point of just staying to myself and not dealing with anyone. I will never get why some adults can be so catty and nasty for no reason it’s sad and pathetic to be honest like grow up is all I can say. I want to say more but of course I will reveal more in the part 2 I do on this story.

Conclusion..

Things have been so crazy these past few weeks omg like literally and I’ve been trying to deal with it all and be there for everyone around me at the same time, I won’t lie I’m scared my anxiety is about to flare up again and it’s scaring me because I’ve done so good with the no meds but with all these things going on it’s enough to send me spiraling back into another break down because honestly this is all crazy but all I can do is try to deal with it the best way I know how, also thanks so much for being patient with me during this time. I will definitively be doing a part 2 to this blog post because there is more. Enjoy your weekend guys, sending lots and lots of love your way ❀️

anxiety

Why I been M.I.A/dealing with my anxiety.

First I want to apologize for my absence so much has been going on in my personal life it’s been a rough crazy week, I’ve missed blogging so much it was fun to blog twice a day or once but lately I haven’t been in to it due to personal things going on in my life but I have not forgotten about my blog and will be back to blogging again every day very soon.

Life..

Life has been super crazy for me lately I’m in one of those spells where I wanna shut the world out and be alone in my own little world so I’ve been taking time for myself trying to figure everything out and gather my thoughts. I’m searching for that happy spot right now and i haven’t exactly hit the mark at the moment. I want to go off to an island where no one knows my name and start fresh that would be nice honestly. My thoughts have been racing like crazy and my mind is literally on 10 these past couple of days. It’s hard to process everything to be honest. I have to get back to myself and honestly I don’t know when that will be.

Anxiety..

My anxiety was doing so well and I was proud of myself because things were going great however now it’s back to not being so great. I’ve been dealing with a lot of panic and amongst other things but I won’t let that break me as always, I will survive! I Just need some time to process it all and I will be back to myself so I’ll be taking some much needed down time away and when I come back things will be 100% better and I will be able to blog again like before.

Conclusion..

I will be back to blogging soon, first I have to take care of myself and figure out what’s best for me. I miss this blogging thing so much I really do but I have to get my mind right back first before anything. I’ve posted a few new videos on my YouTube channel so you should go check them out if you wanna see what I’ve been up too. I can’t wait to come back and be better then ever. Enjoy your weekend and do what makes you happy always, I’ll be back soon!