Friday highlights :)

mental health

Ok, so today has been super crazy and busy for me, I woke up early and made breakfast for my daughter and I then we played for a while. I finally got her dressed then got myself together and I’m finally proud to say that IM SPRINT FREE!!! I’ve been with them since, I was 16 and honestly I’m over it and was tired of dealing with them and their bad customer service and high phone bill, so now I’m officially with Verizon and couldn’t be happier the reps were so nice and kind and made me feel great about my purchase on the iPhone XR and I’m looking forward to doing more business with them.

I was out, so long today and it resulted in me missing my doctors appointment and his booked until the 11th of March, so now guess who has to wait another week with no meds again, so I’m kind of frustrated at this rate plus they told me, i have a bill and I’m upset about that because my insurance always covers my visits , so I’m not paying that and I stated for them to re bill my insurance and honestly at this point I’m thinking about switching doctors because I’m tired of my doctor to be honest and he doesn’t really do anything for me yet wants to charge me unnecessary amounts of money for talking to me for 5 minutes and then refilling my meds. It’s not even worth it anymore ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ and I’m tired.

It seems to be so hard to find actually good help when you have mental illness, like why can’t someone good help me for once and actually have my best interest ๐Ÿ˜ฉ a girl can dream and wish can’t she? I’m not going to let that bring me down though, today has been a pretty good day for the most part, the only other thing that didn’t happen was me getting more make up and going shopping but that’s ok I’ll make tomorrow be that day. I love shopping more lately, my boyfriend laughs about that because I’ll literally have him going down every aisle in the store to buy things that aren’t really needed but my mind tells me to grab it especially when it’s on sale, I’m a shopaholic sometimes lol. I’ve been dying to do my podcast today, but my phone is still downloading my apps so can’t really do much on my phone at the moment, so now I’m watching judge shows on tv and wondering what movies to watch on Netflix tonight.

I find so much peace lately in my room curled up in my bed under my heated blanket. I’ve always been a loner anyway, so being alone makes me happy for the most part. I’ll never be that girl with a million friends and always having plans on the weekends, it’s not me at all and I’m perfectly content and happy with that. I love the friends that are still in my life, even though we don’t see each other often, it’s ok with me. I like spending my days with my daughter or my boyfriend anyway, we are homebodies so it works out perfectly. The older you get the more you start to embrace who you are and what makes you truly happy. Although sometimes I’m wishing to be 18 again lol, too bad I’m far from it now.

It’s Friday, so enjoy your day guys and be happy and blessed, I’m off to relax and watch some tv before going to be later on. Take care and stay warm.

The fight to happiness..

mental health

You ever feel like what you do isn’t enough, you ever feel like everything is becoming too much, you ever feel like you wanna give up and forget it all. My whole life seemed like a Kelly Clarkson song, girl in a small town wanting to get out and try something new. I wish social anxiety didn’t always plague me and I could do all the things I’ve always set out to do, in high school my dream was to be an actress and I was excited when scouts came to my school. I remember running home to tell my mom and she was supportive as always but it never got me too far, I never landed any roles and the day of the auditions came and I couldn’t go due to my mom working so that dream died.

I never really knew what my life was suppose to be like, all I knew was being happy was at the top of my list, I use to watch all my friends land their dream jobs and move in with their boyfriends but where did that leave me? For years I worked odd jobs never feeling fulfilled in anything that was done until going back to school became the prominent choice and from there life started to fall in to place, life seemed great for a while until he came back (my child’s father) as usual he brings his drama and I’m suppose to feel bad for him? I think not! My anxiety and depression got really bad during that time luckily he disappeared again as always and things seemed right again.

My anxiety/depression has been kind of bad lately and every time I look back last year, I wonder what triggered it to be this strong again and I wonder what made me this weak again and I can’t help but wonder am I strong enough to handle this or should I give up? Some days I wish it was possible for me to go away for a week maybe even a month and get away from everyone and everything around me some days I wanna be around people a lot, others I’m happy being in my room starring at the walls and binge watching Netflix all day it’s one of those things that never seems to go away.

My daughter keeps me motivated she’s the main reason I drag myself out the bed and push to be positive each day, she lets me know I’m so alone and get through the day even when I would rather lay around and do nothing. My boyfriend also pushes me to want more and to do better his always so understanding and gets when I’m in my moods and understands me when I’m deep in my mental illness and I’m grateful to have that kind of support.

No matter what I’m going to be ok, I have to be. Tomorrow’s a new day, a new day to do better and get this thing called life on track. In the words of Gloria Gaynor “I will survive” โœŒ๏ธ

When life happens..

mental health

So things have been pretty crazy on my end lately, I haven’t felt like myself at all and I’m taking my medicine like I’m suppose to but I’ve been really sick and tired and not feeling like myself and I’m not sure why, I wish things were a little better but gotta keep pushing because that’s all I can do.

My aunt passed away on Monday and we have her funeral tomorrow and honestly, I don’t wanna go, not because it’s way too much for me to deal with but honestly the though of death drives me crazy and funerals are the worse when everyone is crying and grieving and you have to sit there trying to keep it together when you wanna break down too. It’s not going to be a glamorous weekend for me plus it’s super bowl weekend so you know how that goes ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ

I also started my new diet and I’m excited about that, everything I’ve been eating is strictly organic and I’ve cut out all carbs, so I’ve done well on it so far gotta keep my fingers ๐Ÿคžbecause you never know how things will go. I’m trying to keep my mind on all positive things right now at the moment and not bring any negativity around me. I know some days that can be hard but we have to keep pushing and keep our minds clean.

to be honest, my podcast and this blog is what really keeps me going, it makes me happy to help others with mental illness and you guys help me as well by allowing me to vent and read your stories as well, it lets me know in this world we can come together as one and hopefully break the stigma of mental illness one day. My boyfriend and I have gotten even closer as well, since he is dealing with his brothers recent diagnosis of schizophrenia and how it is to deal with mental illness, we speak about it more often now and it helps a lot.

My Friday so far is going ok, I’m currently at work and honestly ready to go home to my warm bed. I hope everyone is having a great Friday and if you haven’t done so already please go check out my podcast and download anchor.fm/CherelleH and enjoy your day guys I’m off to enjoy the rest of this beautiful day.

Starting a new Channel (Youtube)

mental health

So, I’m even more excited and happy to announce that I’m going to be starting a new YouTube channel dedicated towards mental health, Being that I deal with anxiety/depression it’s so important to me to help others and be able to educate others and I couldn’t be more excited about it. The idea came to me a couple of days ago and I already have a channel but it’s not about one set topic and I wanna feel like I’m being passion about whatever, I choose to do so this channel will be a lot different but also fun at the same time.

My podcasts is also doing well and I love getting to make episodes twice a day it’s been fun and exciting to do new things and try things that I normally would be too scared to do, due to my fear of failing. It’s a new year and I wanna keep pushing and keep reaching my goals and having a good time while doing it. I think 2019 is going to be a good year for me.

I’m excited to share my experiences with other people and also learn the things other people are going through and what made them stronger again or what helped them get through their situation. I realize that it’s ok to be me and that my mental illness doesn’t define me or make me any different and it’s up to me to take control and choose happiness and help others the best way I can.

So with that being said please be on the look out for my new channel I will drop the link this weekend and also check out my podcast. https://anchor.fm/CherelleH and get to know me even more and keep pushing guys and always remember to choose happiness.

Enjoy your Friday and don’t forget to smile! ๐Ÿ˜Š

Iโ€™m back/whatโ€™s been going on (part 1) โค๏ธ

anxiety

Ok guys so I’m back finally, I missed doing this so much, I hope everyone is doing well, I’m finally ready to talk about what’s been going on so let’s get in to it.

Dealing with my dad..

Ok so in a previous post I told you guys my dad and I were closer, well lately it’s been nothing but bickering between him and I, I didn’t feel like he loved me or even cared he was constantly getting on me about every little thing and always telling me how to parent my daughter and honestly that got old quick. I went to my mom and expressed to her that I was tired of it all and that I was done trying to form a relationship with my father, she was not having that so she spoke with him about some of the things that I have been feeling towards him and our relationship, long story short we had a heart to heart and talked, I’m a big baby and I cried and he told me he loved me and we have since been moving towards a good space with each other ( it’s a work in progress) I think with time my dad and I can get back to having that close relationship we once had when I was younger. So I will definitely keep you posted on this and more.

My child’s father coming back into our lives..

In a previous post I stated that I was a single parent because my child’s father choose not to be around well out of the blue I get a text/call from him stating that he wants to be apart of his daughters life now and how he has changed. I’ve been waiting for this moment for a very very long time but it was also scary for me being that I’m in a new relationship and I wasn’t sure how my daughter would even react to meeting him. The conversation started off rocky we weren’t getting along and honestly I was giving up hope but we have turned it around sort of, I clearly have a long way to go before I can trust him or let him be alone with my daughter but we will have to keep trying until everyone is comfortable with it. This has been really hard and it’s causing me to have to re live moments that I personally don’t want too but I will do it all for my daughter. I’m going to hope and pray that he will do right by her and things will move in a good direction so that we can co parent the right way.

My job..

So things at work were going great and then they went left again because in my mind I feel like I’m always being targeted for some reason maybe because I choose to be quiet and stay to myself, so anyway long story short I’m thinking everything is good between me and the girls(co workers) well clearly I was wrong I’m always being blind sighted and it sucks when I’m always being a good person I felt in my eyes if their is a problem why not address me instead of talking about me as if I’m not in the room or proceeding to tell me how to do my job when your not my boss is all I’m saying, I feel as adults it’s ways you handle things and ways you don’t and I’m over being nice to people who clearly don’t deserve it. I have tried to be the bigger person over and over again but it seems to get me no where so I’m at the point of just staying to myself and not dealing with anyone. I will never get why some adults can be so catty and nasty for no reason it’s sad and pathetic to be honest like grow up is all I can say. I want to say more but of course I will reveal more in the part 2 I do on this story.

Conclusion..

Things have been so crazy these past few weeks omg like literally and I’ve been trying to deal with it all and be there for everyone around me at the same time, I won’t lie I’m scared my anxiety is about to flare up again and it’s scaring me because I’ve done so good with the no meds but with all these things going on it’s enough to send me spiraling back into another break down because honestly this is all crazy but all I can do is try to deal with it the best way I know how, also thanks so much for being patient with me during this time. I will definitively be doing a part 2 to this blog post because there is more. Enjoy your weekend guys, sending lots and lots of love your way โค๏ธ

Why I been M.I.A/dealing with my anxiety.

anxiety

First I want to apologize for my absence so much has been going on in my personal life it’s been a rough crazy week, I’ve missed blogging so much it was fun to blog twice a day or once but lately I haven’t been in to it due to personal things going on in my life but I have not forgotten about my blog and will be back to blogging again every day very soon.

Life..

Life has been super crazy for me lately I’m in one of those spells where I wanna shut the world out and be alone in my own little world so I’ve been taking time for myself trying to figure everything out and gather my thoughts. I’m searching for that happy spot right now and i haven’t exactly hit the mark at the moment. I want to go off to an island where no one knows my name and start fresh that would be nice honestly. My thoughts have been racing like crazy and my mind is literally on 10 these past couple of days. It’s hard to process everything to be honest. I have to get back to myself and honestly I don’t know when that will be.

Anxiety..

My anxiety was doing so well and I was proud of myself because things were going great however now it’s back to not being so great. I’ve been dealing with a lot of panic and amongst other things but I won’t let that break me as always, I will survive! I Just need some time to process it all and I will be back to myself so I’ll be taking some much needed down time away and when I come back things will be 100% better and I will be able to blog again like before.

Conclusion..

I will be back to blogging soon, first I have to take care of myself and figure out what’s best for me. I miss this blogging thing so much I really do but I have to get my mind right back first before anything. I’ve posted a few new videos on my YouTube channel so you should go check them out if you wanna see what I’ve been up too. I can’t wait to come back and be better then ever. Enjoy your weekend and do what makes you happy always, I’ll be back soon!

My anxiety update/ how Iโ€™m feeling lately.

anxiety

I haven’t really spoke about my anxiety lately or where I’m at with the whole situation, so I wanted to give a mini update on what’s been going on and basically how I’ve been feeling lately towards things in my life.

Let’s get started..

I know the last major anxiety attack that I had was at my job and since then things have been going pretty good for me for the most part, well I take that back I did have a moment recently where I was dealing with a situation with my car, well the other day I’m driving to work and I heard a loud noise in my back seat, the glass in my back window shattered, I was panicking so bad and just grateful my daughter wasn’t in the car so I had to go back home and call out of work and I was car less for two days, thankfully my mom let me borrow her car but I cried for days worrying about how I was going to pay for that on top of my other bills I had to pay.

God worked it out..

Everything ended up being ok guys because I managed to pay that and still got my other bills paid but I won’t lie it lead me into a panic for days worrying about it other then that nothing major has really been going on as always, I take it day by day I’m never really sure what’s going to happen in my day to day life or what could trigger my anxiety but I try not to think too much about it either, it’s easier when I’m keeping busy and not letting outside voices get into my head. I know that no matter what I do, it’s up to me to decided how I want my day to be and the outcome, I’m not saying cut your feelings off but learn to control them and boy can that be hard sometimes for me but I’m a work in progress.

It’s Friday..

Today I’m choosing happiness, I’m choosing to put me first and love me. It’s been a beautiful day so far, I got off work early, picked my daughter up, we played outside and now I’m watching her try to cook in the kitchen with her papa lol she tries my baby has so many talents. Take today and everyday and try to love yourself, learn about you and live in your truth always and don’t let your mental illness bring you down we all have battles we have to defeat but with a level head and support anything is possible so I challenge you today and everyday to find what makes you happy and enjoy the little things because it truly means a lot.

Anything is possible..

Remember guys life is beautiful and we should take advantage of every little opportunity we have. I won’t let my anxiety over take me I won’t let my emotions get the best of me today is a new day and I will enjoy it. So to anyone out there dealing with mental illness or fighting a daily battle you can get through this and I support you. You are loved always and please enjoy your Friday with lots of smiles and love.

It’s the weekend..

๐ŸŽŠ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿฅ‚๐Ÿ˜Š

When someone from the past tries to come back into your life ๐Ÿ˜ฎ (let those exโ€™s go)

relationships

This topic actually came to mind when I was at a red light in my car yesterday and now I’m finally getting around to talking about it. I know every girl and even some guys have had an ex come back into your life or at least TRY to come back in your life, it’s like with no warning all of a sudden this person has found you on Facebook or Instagram or some how gotten your phone number from a friend and you receive and Anonymous text message out of no where, You have basically moved on with your life but of course they haven’t.

The guilt trip..

So many know how ex’s will pop up all of a sudden acting brand new and telling you all the problems they now have in their life and how they need a friend and your suppose to feel sorry for them, (I think not) I won’t even lie I’ve had people from my past try to pop up and it annoys me honestly, I have cut you out my life for a reason this means don’t contact me and I won’t contact you. I once had an ex who was going through hard times and he called me cause he didn’t have any food in his house so me being nice I gave him money well that was my mistake because he kept asking and I refused to help anymore because at that point I already knew he was taking advantage of my kindness. We should never feel guilty behind what someone else has done and trust me I’ve learned the hard way on that one (also this was all before I had my daughter and got into my current relationship) I would never ever do that now.

Why do they come back…

I think most times they feel bad for things they did and they feel that they need to redeem themselves, I’m one of those People who chooses to forgive but I will never forget. I’ve had ex’s tell me they messed up and they feel bad because I was a good girlfriend, ok all that sounds cute and all but it’s too late and I’ve already moved on, I never see the point in re living the past again. I never really dated a good guy before until my current relationship it’s crazy to think back to all the wrong guys I dated and why I picked them, I was so insecure in myself and who I was and they saw that and took advantage of that. I never want my daughter to feel pain from a man as I have. So ladies even men do not let your ex come back forgive them but find the strength to move on to something even better.

Conclusion..

When your relationship is done and over with move on, change your number(if you want too), Block them on social media or if you choose to keep that person in your life just strictly keep it as friends that’s it nothing more but I will say In my opinion, I don’t want any of my ex’s back and I don’t want them contacting me and trust me it has happened and I always shut it down quickly because I’m not for all the drama. You have to remember it’s a reason that you and that person didn’t work out so don’t fall prey to being a victim to them again.

Enjoy your Friday guys and stay away from those ex’s (get you something better) โœŒ๏ธ

Anxiety update + my favorite FRIDAY movies ๐ŸŽฅ

anxiety, Friday movies

This post is a day late going up. I know it’s Saturday but this was made yesterday..(I’m not losing my mind yet ๐Ÿ˜‚)

Good afternoon/evening guys it’s Friday and I couldn’t be more happier it’s a 3 day weekend plus kids going back to school what a weekend. (Well my daughters not in school yet) but to all parents who have kids in school I’m sure your looking forward to it. I’m also looking forward to the fall weather moving back in witch means it’s time for sweaters, hot chocolate and watching the leaves fall. (Christmas will also be here soon) just though I would throw that out there too.

Anxiety update…

Ok guys so those of you who saw my post yesterday I was really upset because I had a bad panic attack at work and it kind of ruined my Thursday,I’m feeling a lot better today nothing bad has happened so far I’ve even gotten off work early, did some grocery shopping and now I’m back home relaxing and watching tv.

I’m still learning how to deal with my anxiety, every day is a new day. I’m always glad to know I’m not alone in these situations. I’ve also learned it’s ok to not be ok and medicine isn’t always the worse thing because it can actually help. I will definitely keep you guys posted on my anxiety and let you know anything going on with it, today’s a good day though so I’m going to choose happiness. ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜€

Remember, if you need help or anything in your life gets too hard it’s ok to seek help it doesn’t mean your crazy or not capable of taking care of yourself but sometimes we all need somebody else to lean on. Your never alone and it will get better.

My favorite FRIDAY movies ๐ŸŽฅ…

Ok guys so in honor of it being Friday, I thought giving you a list of my favorite Friday movies would be a lot of fun.

Let’s get started…

1. Friday the 13th-

So of course we all love this movie it’s a classic and Jason is one scary man not going to lie, I literally watch those movies with one eye open (ok a little exaggeration) but you get the point. Everyone loves a good horror movie though plus I kinda have always wanted to go to crystal lake (if it was real) to see if Jason will come out, I know crazy! Also I went to a lake once but no sign of Jason ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ but I absolutely love this movie. Maybe I’ll even watch it tonight you never know.

2. Freaky Friday-

This movie is another classic, I love Lindsay Lohan and Jamie lee Curtis as mother and daughter and the best part about this movie is what would it really be like switching places with your mom, I don’t know how that would go but honestly it might be kind of cool to see what a day in the life of my mom would be like, also I love the fact that it shows you what life can be like when you put yourself in another persons shoes (another reason why we should judge too quick) if you have seen this movie go watch it’s really good they always have a new one coming out this year I believe it’s remade with new actresses. (I’m sure it’s still good though)

3. Friday-

Ok so most people know this classic movie with ice cube and Chris tucked it’s extremely funny and let’s you into the life of (ice cube) character “Craig” it’s a movie that some people can relate too and most people love because in some ways we can all relate, so if you like laughter and you want a movie that isn’t too serious but has some serious points/lessons in it then I suggest you watch this movie and get to know “Craig” and all his friends/family.

4.Friday night lights-

This is also another amazing movie, if you like football and coaches then this is the movie for you, it’s based in Texas where football is really a big deal also I’m a Dallas cowboys fan so this works for me(yes I know that’s not the team name in the movie ) just throwing that out there because I love Dallas. this was also a tv show witch I loved so much so sad when nbc cancelled it after 5 seasons ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I use to watch this all the time when I would go visit my grandpa. So go check this movie out guys I’m sure you will love it.

Check out my video.. there’s no video sorry… it won’t upload so check out my YouTube video this weekend instead.

Also guys, I wanted to attach a video to go with this blog, but unfortunately it wouldn’t upload so no video ๐Ÿ˜ฆ however I will be making a new video for my YouTube channel today and posting it this weekend so look out for it, I’ll probably do videos twice a week maybe. I’m definitely going to start posting more videos on here too. (Only if it uploads) will see.

Enjoy your Friday guys and your long 3 day weekend.

Happy Friday/single parenting (my story)

parenting

Good morning, yes it’s finally Friday
and I’m excited because it’s the end of another work week and I get to relax and enjoy my weekend, I don’t really have any major plans this weekend, the main thing that I want to do is get my hair braided and go shopping because who doesn’t love shopping it’s literally a girls best friend and I’ll probably go out to eat as well so cheers to the weekend.

It’s story time…

This story is another story that’s hard for me to speak about but I’m going to tell my story in hopes of helping someone else out there who may be in my situation or can relate in some way. I met my child’s father in 2016 he was a good guy in the beginning we were together everyday day we liked each other a lot and I was extremely happy in the beginning, I remember him telling me he had three kids from a previous relationship (I know that should of been a red flag) but I liked him a lot and wanted to keep getting to know him so I continued my relationship with him.

I remembered at that time he was staying with a family member he had a decent job but he was still struggling so he started asking me for money all the time, in the beginning I would give in because I felt sorry for him, plus that’s how I was raised and that’s the kind of person I am I love helping others. I got tired one day of his complaining and always asking me for money because it was constant so I said “no I’m not giving you anything” he grew mad told me that he no longer wanted to see me, I was upset but said “ok” we went a few weeks not seeing each other during that time I reflected on myself and enjoyed time with family and friends.

A month later my phone rang and guess who it was.. well I’m sure you know already. I gave in and met up with him we talked and decided to get back on track seeing each other again but this time things were different something didn’t feel right and I decided it was best for me to walk away for good and focus on myself so I did that. A month or two went by and I noticed my period hadn’t come (sorry extra TMI for the people who are grossed out with that word) I was freaking out inside because in my mind their was no way I could be pregnant, later that day I went to cvs and brought a test, I was ready to see my fate as I walked into the bathroom the first digital test say “pregnant” I closed my eyes for a minute trying not to cry so I took a deep breath and grabbed the other test to do a re take.

To my surprise that test say “pregnant” too so I cried a little got myself together and decided to give him a call. (We hadn’t talked in two months) he picked up with an attitude and asked me what was going on “I’m pregnant” I said walking back and fourth around my yard at this point. ” it’s not my baby, you were probably with someone else” he yelled causing me to get angry because I knew he was the only person I was seeing (I’m not that kind of girl at all). I didn’t wanna argue with him so I hung up the phone and proceeded to call my Doctor’s office they were more then hopeful with helping me set up an appointment.

I wasn’t ready to tell the world I was pregnant so I kept my secret for a while then one day while talking to my mom in conversation I blurted out that I was pregnant, she was shocked and a little upset so was my father it took some time but eventually they came around, my mother attended all my drs appointments with me and yes she was even in the delivery room. I had my beautiful baby girl in March of 2016 with no help from her father he was no where to be found although I did receive a text from him a month later asking about her he was acting like nothing happened like he wanted to be in her life.

We met up one day at my job, he apologized for how he treated me and said he wanted to be apart of his daughters life, he even told me that the reason he was so upset about my pregnancy was because he had been seeing someone else who was also pregnant, my mind went blank at that point because i was under the impression he was only seeing me but clearly that wasn’t the case at all ,to make a long story short he wanted to meet my daughter and I agreed but of course the day it was suppose to happen he didn’t show up and he was begging me for money prior to the meeting and I informed him that wasn’t happening either see your daughter or don’t it’s your choice were my words to him.

He choose not to see her that day and hasn’t been apart of her life since, my daughter is now one years old she’s happy, healthy and loving and she’s done fine without him, my parents have helped me a lot with her also my boyfriend does a lot as well his not her father but he treats her like his own. I say all this to say to all single mothers even fathers your not alone and don’t ever beat yourself up over someone else’s actions, we have to teach and raise our kids right and show them love and do the best we can.

Remember doing it alone does not make you a bad person, surround yourself with an amazing support system and know that you can get through it and that you are loved. My parents/grandparents do an amazing job at helping me and have supported me so much that’s really all you need is great people around you also my job is really great they work with me when I need time off or have to take her to a drs appointment

I hope my story inspires and helps others out there, your are not alone remember that!