So excited!! Happy Sunday!

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I’m sorry for the two days of no posting, so much has been going on, I was out of town and the biggest thing, I adopted a dog and named him bean. Guys I’m so in love! My co worker/ best amiga (friend) Andrea took me to the SPCA https://richmondspca.org this is their website if you wanna check it out it they do great things for animals like dogs and cats. It’s basically a shelter and they get animals that have been found and take care of them. You can go in and adopt them. You have to fill out paper work and have an interview process and they allow you to spend time with the dog, then you can decide weather you wanna adopt or not. SPCA is state wide and they do great things in the community so if your thinking about adopting a dog or cat it’s a great place.

The dog, that I’ve adopted “bean” is what my daughter named him. The thing that stuck out to me the most is that he suffers from anxiety and when the counselor told me that, it made me think about my situation with my anxiety. I know most people might be thinking why would you get a dog like that, when you have anxiety and the answer is simple, we can help each other and when he has moments of anxiety it’s easy for me to recognize the signs and help him relax or hold him till he feels better. Honestly I’m always thinking only us as humans have problems or deal with hard things but going to the shelter showed me that animals deal with the same things that we do and it goes un noticed because we don’t look at them as being human or having feelings because they are animals, when the reality is they do. It’s definitely something, I’m going to educate myself on to learn even more.

Everything right now is great in my life, except the “Job” situation witch is still a work in progress for me, but I did get a call for an interview Friday so will see what happens,I’m hoping to be in a new job by the end of the year or the beginning so have to stay positive about that. I did have a crazy weekend but that’s another story and I’m the end it all came together and worked out . The high light was adopting my dog and seeing my boyfriend for two days. None the less it’s the little things that really do keep us going in this world. I’m looking forward to whatever is next.

I’m off to go clean my car out and go give the dog a bath before, I take a well needed nap because let’s be honest, I barley slept any this weekend I’m such a worry wart. I did manage to go to church and that was amazing as usual. So enjoy this beautiful Sunday and remember to spread love wherever you are today.

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Tuesday’s thoughts..

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Today was a long day and now I’m left tired and racing with thoughts, my co workers don’t understand me and I don’t understand them. I wish going on a vacation could happen soon. I’m tired of all the at work negativity. Im trying my best to stay positive to not let it all break me. I have to keep telling myself it will all be ok, it’s hard telling someone who deals with anxiety and depression that it will be ok, that your old ways won’t creep back in. It’s taking everything in me to not to let the negative thoughts come back.

My weight issues don’t help much either, my dad worries about everything I eat, either I’m eating too much or not what he wants me to eat, I get it I’m the “fat” daughter now because I’m not the small size 7 anymore, but it still hurts because, I’m sticking to my meal plan I’ve been anti sweets and I’m trying this time. It seems like the world can’t see it thought, what more do they want from me? It’s not like the girl in the mirror is the girl, I want to be. I take the countless comments from family and friends while crying in private, I get it no one is perfect, tell the girl in the mirror that the one who haunts me daily because she does not feel good enough.

I wake up to the same routine, rushing out the door to get to the same Job and do the usual things, everyone has a problem and I’m the one they run to, I’m the one picking up the phones all day trying to help as many patients as I can. I won’t lie it’s draining day in and day out but it’s the Career that I’ve chosen for me the career of helping others, but oh wait who’s going to help me, who’s going to save me? You forget about yourself when everyone around you starts to come first. Your mind starts to spin and the next thing you know, you have landed on the floor trying to figure it all out.

I have it all together, that’s what I’m telling myself everyday. I keep pushing and striving for all my goals evens when it hurts. The demands never seem to end each day is something new or something different. My pastor preaches about being nice to others treating everyone equal sometimes it’s hard when it’s all coming at me at once when people expect so much out of you. The inner part of me wants to scream “that’s enough” but instead I bite my tongue as always and pretend it’s not bothering me, I have to wear a fake smile and keep going even when the medication does not feel like enough even when the world seems too much.

Today could of been better but as always I’m praying for a better tomorrow. I hope everyone enjoys their Tuesday night and try not to let anyone bring you down also thanks for allowing me to share my feelings it’s tough sometimes but remember we can’t let our mental illness win. We can do it!

My favorite sugar free food dishes!

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These dishes became a house hold favorite, when my grandpa got diagnosed with diabetes, we had to learn to change our eating habits and eat better for his health.

Brownies.

This brownie mix is amazing instead of sugar it’s substituted with Splenda and it Taste great you, can get this at any local grocery store and it’s not too pricey either.

Jell-O.

This is also a favorite of mine, it’s less the calories and sugar plus it Taste great so, you get to eat a snack without freaking out over all the sugar intake.

Popcorn.

Popcorn is another favorite snack, Because it has no sugar and you can pretty much eat as much as you want. I also buy the 94% fat free popcorn with only 100 calories. It doesn’t have as much butter and it’s healthier for you. They come in mini bags or big bags I would say go for the Mini bags if you just looking for a simple snack.

Almonds.

My mom will only by this brand of almonds nothing else because it’s less sugar and healthier for you. I never use to like almonds but my mom got me hooked on them now and my nutritionist also had it on my meal plan so it became a household snack.

Gatorade.

This is my all time favorite sugar free drinks most people think it’s nasty it’s not at all, in fact it’s healthier for your body then all that sugar in regular Gatorade. I even have my dad hooked on it, every time I go to the store he asks me to buy more. This is a great substitute for anyone who is diabetic as well.

sugar free ice cream.

No matter what you can always choose health even when it comes to your ice cream. My grandpa used to eat this kind all the time and it Taste great. You can still eat sweets now and then just choose healthy options and this is a great one.

Veggie straws.

Honestly, when I first saw this in the store, I was like no way am I eating that nope not me. My aunt use to buy this for my grandpa so, one day I was shopping and I saw them out and I grabbed a bag. This is actually a very great choice in place of chips and it’s healthier. So sometimes what may not always look good on the outside may be delicious once you try it.

Apples.

I know apples do have some sugar however fruit has a different kind of sugar and apples are actually pretty good when dieting, lately that’s been my night time snack before bed. Apples slices are the best before going to sleep along with a glass of water and not to mention some grapes.

Final thoughts.

If your looking for a good snack and you don’t wanna worry about the sugar intake or all the calories these are great snack ideas. I will also make a part two for you guys coming up so you can see other healthy foods that I eat when I’m home.

Weight loss is a journey but with the right mind set we can do it. Enjoy your Monday night and don’t forget to eat something healthy today and drink plenty of water.

What makes you happy!

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This is my challenge for you today, figure out what makes you happy and no materialistic things. Think about the positive and what makes you smile and what makes you feel alive and keeps you going everyday.

1. My daughter

2.my career

3.love for god

Those are the three things that make me the happiest in this world. So now I’m challenging you to think of your happiness. Enjoy your Sunday ❤️ think happy thoughts and start to see positive results.

Sunday “my happy place”

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I woke up this morning excited for church but also excited for another day of life. I feel great knowing my anxiety is in check, my depression isn’t nearly as bad and mostly everything in my life for the most part feels in order.

I still weep for the people out there who still don’t know where their next meal is coming from or don’t know where their life is heading next. I’m always watching the homeless people that stand on the side of the road asking for food or money. I wonder about their back stories and what keeps them going everyday. My co worker always stops to give them money she has a good heart and she would help the whole world if she could.

I wish, I could save everyone who wanted to give up on life and let them know it’s going to be ok, the countless stories of suicide all over the news makes me sad, I wonder what led them to that place and why no one intervened to help. The deeper that, I get into church and my religion, I’m starting to understand more about people and also the changes that,I need to make within myself. I get it no ones life is perfect not even mine some days are better than others. I try to stay above it all and not think too much on the negative.

Life can put you in dark spaces sometimes, believe me I’ve been there countless times, where I wonder why I’m still here and when it would get better, going from the girl who cried everyday to now being able to deal with my problems better is an accomplishment for me. I continue pushing no matter how hard life gets. It’s never easy but it’s always worth it, I will always believe that it’s ways to get around my anxiety. sometimes I’m often wondering will I be on medicine for the rest of my life or will the day come where it’s no longer needed, honestly it’s become safe for me to be on medication then without it. Some function better when they are medicine free me on the other hand it helps a lot.

I hope everyone will have a wonderful Sunday keep praying for better days and keep a positive mind, God will guide you and get you through the next steps in your life. It may seem hard today but believe me it does get better. So to anyone struggling, know I’m here for you and please don’t give up.

My favorite s’mores dessert

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Most people do s’mores at camp grounds when going camping, some do it at bon fires or even in the back of their home. This is one of my all time favorite summer foods to make especially on a late quiet night.

What you will need

1.Graham crackers-any flavor (I prefer honey)

2.Hershey’s chocolate bar( whatever you like)

3.Marshmallows

4.Fire Pit

5.Disposable bamboo sticks

6. Family/Friends who wanna have fun

At my home

At my house we have a fire pit in the back yard so, my dad will light it and then we get started on the family fun but wait before we get into all that let me reverse and tell you how it’s done.

What’s next

You take your graham cracker squares and break them in half, then place a piece of Hershey’s chocolate on to the graham cracker and place a marshmallow, then you proceed to stick the bamboo stick between the cracker. Make sure your fire is all lit and ready to go Also, be safe as you extend your s’mores into the fire give it a few minutes and wallah you have a perfectly melted s’mores ready to eat, this is a summer favorite in my house and not to mention it’s great to do with your kids.

Cheat day

If your dieting as I am it’s ok to have one cheat day to eat a s’mores and if your really worried you can get sugar free candy bars or candy with less sugar and calories. It’s ok to be bad for one day, I promise!

Final words

I hope you guys enjoy this favorite desert of mines and try it with family and friends.

One of those days..

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Thursday’s oh typical Thursday’s, the day where the weekend is pretty much almost here and we celebrate Because Friday is our last day of work for most of us. My goal is to not trigger anyone with this blog post and to only tell my story while also educating. If your struggling with weight I’m here standing with you and we can do this together. Please don’t jump to conclusions on this post again it’s my experience and the things I’ve dealt with but as always I want to share with you all.

I still remember being the girl who flipped through all the magazines, the girl who was destined to be happy. The mirror use to be my best friend, it’s weird now standing at 4″11 and looking at myself no longer seeing anything that looks attractive to me, the world does not help when every where your turn someone is telling you how much weight you gained or what you should or should not be eating. The struggles to be what the world wants me to be continues to beat me down day in and day out. The girl who was once a size 7 now wears 11-12 and of course that’s not attractive to most ( in my mind) I’m still at a lost on how it started or how to fix it.

It seemed like over the course of the last couple of months food became a scape goat for me it was there when I was sad, it was there when I was happy it was there for every occasion. I found myself eating just to eat at times. I kept pretending like my weight gain didn’t exists people would make comments but as always, I ignored it and kept eating what I wanted. I miss the girl who could eat whatever and never gain weight or the girl who simply didn’t care. I miss the girl who once loved who she was and didn’t care about what the world wanted her to be but some where down the line she lost herself and does not know when she will be back.

I remember taking diets pills and starving myself and exercising constantly, I remember being so desperate to be happy at one point that I even went to a pro Ana website Because in my mind being thin was the goal. I spent countless hours looking at calories and documenting what I ate. It was pure torture some days but again the goal was to be thin. The weird part is sometimes, I’ll go to twitter and look at girls profiles who still struggle with weight and my heart breaks for the girls who don’t eat all day or the girl who lies to her parents about eating a meal knowing she threw it up. I go to YouTube and watch videos of girls stories and the recovery at the end of the video always makes me smile.

I spent an hour on the phone with my boyfriend tonight and we talked about my weight gain and I broke down because I’m ashamed to even have allowed myself to get this way I’m ashamed because it’s no longer about my weight but the goal is to be happy and healthy again. I say to anyone struggling tomorrow is a new day please love yourself and know that it will be ok. Let’s not worry about the number on the scale so much let’s focus on being happy and healthy. My nutritionist calls it a lifestyle change not a diet. We can do this ladies and men because I know we all struggle or have struggled at some point in our lives.

To anyone struggling with body image issues please get help, you are not alone and to anyone who feels like giving up on weight loss please don’t you can do this, I’m standing with you. Enjoy your Thursday night and know you are loved ❤️