weight loss/Healthy food choices

Healthy eating|Back on track.

Ok, so today was my first day back on my diet or shall I say lifestyle change and so far so Good. I’ve stuck to my meal plan all day and haven’t ate anything bad. I was even tempted by cupcakes at work but turned them down and honestly haven’t even really been that hungry today for some reason. I been drinking plenty of water and staying hydrated and busy running around like always. I”ll tell you some of the foods I’ve eaten today and also share this cute recipe I’ve gotten off the new app I’m using to help with my weight loss.

Breakfast-

My meal plan called for me to eat cereal and skim milk but woke up late and was running behind schedule for work so instead I grabbed a mini bagel and ran out the door. My meal plan actually calls for me to eat some carbs and I won’t lie I love bread 😍 but I refuse to eat it all the time it’s not good for you. Bagels are ok eating them plain is best unless you wanna put butter and I suggest using a low fat butter or cream cheese for those that don’t like butter I’m the one over here like yuck because I’m not a fan of cream cheese but to each it’s own.

Lunch..

Another crazy thing happened, I rushed packed a lunch this morning and I didn’t like it so needless to say the only thing I ate was the fruit cup I packed so in the end, I came home and ate a late lunch I had chicken with mix veggies kinda light yet simple. I’m still working on my water intake I been drinking it more but I still feel like I need to up my intake. It will all happen in due time.

Dinner..

My dinner consisted of turkey pork chops yes they make TURKEY pork chops and it’s actually way better/healthier for you. They taste really good baked and fried but of course no more fried food for me so I baked them and then I had greens to go with them and a sweet potato so yes it was yummy, well kind of lol! I mean my body has to adjust to going back to healthy eating but it’s worth it.

Snack-

My snacks today were almonds and pretzels those are also on my meal plan, I never really liked almonds I’m usually eating cashews that’s my favorite but I got a big bag of almonds at Walmart the other day and so now I’m eating almonds and pretzels so it’s good so far also I had a pear a few minutes ago so yeah I haven’t really been super hungry but I’m trying my best to eat all my meals. I’ll probably drink another bottle of water then head to bed soon.

Wanted to share my lunch I made for tomorrow..

Yes I’m excited lol so on the app I’m using they have a selection of recipes you can make/eat so I’m scrolling through the lunch menu section and this chicken salad catches my eye so I wrote down the recipe items and head to my kitchen.

In no way am I trying to take credit for this recipe FYI and I will be putting the link to the website in this post, I actually forgot to do it in my last post sorry!! So if you wanna go check this app out or site out go do it, it’s helpful.

So back to what we were talking about so these are the only items you need to make this.

1.chicken, 2.onions, 3.celery, 4. Light mayo, 5. Pepper, 6. Salt, 7. Lemon juice.

I grabbed a small bowl I cut some chicken up (my chicken was pre cooked) and I added some mayo also (the original recipe called for yogurt but I replaced it with mayo) you stir the mayo into the chicken basically put as much as you like( I don’t like a lot of mayo) so after that I added some onions and celery. Grabbed my lemon juice and put 1/2 in the bowl then added a dash of salt/pepper and wallah you have your simple chicken salad.

Also I’m having yogurt and almonds with my lunch tomorrow.

So today was actually a good day guys I’m trying and as always I’ll keep you updated on my progress so one day down and a lot more to go but it can be done so when you feel like giving up DON’T keep pushing because the end results are worth it. Off to bed for me gotta be up again at 5:30 😦 good night!

https://www.sparkpeople.com

Check them out!

relationships

Does age really matter|when dating|in relationships!

FYI I’m not promoting someone who is super old to date someone 17 or under/ or the other way around, just wanted to put that out there when it comes to this topic I would never promote that.

I been thinking about this post for two days now and I keep posing the question in my mind, I hear it constantly being talked about online also in person and it makes me wonder does age really matter at all?

My Story:

In my early 20’s I dated a guy who was 30 and it never really bothered me, he saw me as his equal and I didn’t treat him like he was older, we had a some what of a great relationship but every couple has it’s ups and downs. I did realize some people were like your really dating someone that old or she’s so young but it never really bothered us and I remembered my grandma telling me she was happy for me but again that relationship didn’t last for other reasons but the age never really bothered me.

Fast forward:

My boyfriend and I now are two years apart, I feel so old don’t even wanna reveal my age but what the hell who cares right? So anyway when we met he was 26 and I was 28 well fast forward I’m a year older now and his 27 the point is age should not matter his not immature I’m not strict or trying to be his mother because I’m older we really mesh together he gets me and I get him, his my best friend and the best thing that’s ever happened to me age doesn’t matter when you love someone so why do people make such a big deal about it?

Let’s get down to the bottom..

People really need to let others be happy, worry about yourself and not other people. stop preaching and telling people how they should live their life or what they should be doing. Age doesn’t matter it’s what in that persons heart and think about it this way, someone could be the same age as you and still be immature someone who is older could still be immature it’s really no way of telling but it’s whoever your compatible with and when looking to date age shouldn’t effect how you feel for a person. Going back to favorite motto “if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all” choose happiness and let others be happy as well.

Final words..

I feel like society puts so much pressure on the world when it comes to certain things and it’s sad that we fall prey to what society thinks about us or how we should be when it’s not even necessary to be that way, Life is short so Do whatever makes you happy and don’t worry about what others are going to say or think. Age is a number it does not matter and we should all be happy and love hard. So to anyone out there who is dating someone older or younger don’t listen to outside voices do what makes you happy and live your life.

I’m sorry this is so short, I’m kind of taking a mini blog break again gotta hit the reset button so me not blogging as much means I’m taking a mini break but I’ll still try to blog in between. Sometimes I value my “me time” nothing against anyone Just need time to clear my head. Enjoy your Wednesday night I’m off to relax then off To bed πŸ™‚

Halloween

My favorite Halloween movies πŸŽ₯

Ok, so Halloween is right around the corner so why not share some of my favorite movies to watch every year around this time. What is everyone going to be for Halloween? Your never too old to dress up(my opinion) I still have to get my daughter a costume, so will see how it goes also I’m not thrilled that it’s on a Wednesday either, can it fall on a Friday next year? Just saying πŸ€·β€β™€οΈenough of my little rant let’s gets started.

1. Michel Myers- Halloween

This has to be number one, like come on this movie has been around since, I was a kid and it’s gotten even popular since then,for one I’m petrified of this man like I would hate to be in his hometown on Halloween, you definitely gotta watch your back the whole time. I use to love Jaime Lee Curtis in all those movies she played his sister so well, I was sad when he killed her though. I have to get around to watching it this month maybe this weekend it will happen for me. (There’s a new Halloween in theaters now so go see it)

2. Child’s play-chucky

Not even going to lie typing this makes me cringe, I’ve always been scared of chucky that doll was so powerful and scary at the same time, poor Andy went through a lot dealing with him. I couldn’t do it, my nerves would of been so bad. I can’t get my daughter a doll like that, she’s already in love with Elmo so we will leave it there no need to recruit chucky right now. I’ve watched all his movies but the last one I saw on Netflix wasn’t that good, they tried but it missed the bar at least for me. If you wanna check it out look on Netflix.

3. Scream-

This movie is another favorite, I even see kids wearing costumes like it on Halloween, I loved nev Campbell in these movies she was so pretty and innocent. I also loved how it was about them being in high school and being young and learning. I would of be scared to death though knowing a killer would have been at my high school, it would of been a lot of sick days for me but anyway this a great movie, I’m sure most people have seen it but if not go watch!

4.hocus pocus-

Yes yes, I remember watching this movie as a kid it was so good and I was literally glued to the tv, this movie is also child friendly, I can’t wait till my daughter ask me to watch this movie it’s a classic for sure, also I’m scared of witches now lol but this is a great movie so watch with your kids and you it can turn in to a family fun night for everybody.

5.Casper-

Who can forget Casper the friendly ghost omg adorable another movie, I watched growing up it was my favorite. Then you get to see kids running around in sheets pretending to be ghost πŸ‘» who can not find that adorable, again this is another movie, I can’t wait to watch with my daughter she’s going to laugh I’m sure and ask a bunch of questions but it’s still going to be cute. So watch this movie with your family it will be great.

I have to do a part two as always before the month is over. So many other great movies! Hope everyone is enjoying this beautiful Saturday even though it’s a little chilly, fall is officially here time for mittens and hats and lots of hot chocolate.

anxiety

Stress|what helps me?

In life we all go through things weather it be in our personal life or professional life,we all deal with things and sometimes, we don’t always know how to handle our problems or even what to do when things in our lives get to be too much. I though it would be great to talk about it and also share some of my tips on how, I deal with stressful situations.

Anxiety..

It’s no secret that anxiety plays a big part in my life and it can definitely make stressful situations worse at times but, I will never shy away from this topic because it’s all about helping others and I want anyone out there who is suffering to know it does get better and you are not alone. My anxiety lately has been pretty good honestly and it’s been great for me and I’m learning still everyday how to deal with stressful situations, although it’s hard sometimes but as alway I’ll never give up ever.

Tips that help stress(what helps me)

Remember everyone handles stress differently so what works for me may not work for you.

Let’s get started..

1.spending time with my daughter-

this is one of the biggest things to help me, my daughter is my world and I love coming home to spend time with her and play in her room or eating ice cream this is definitely a good stress reliever, she always takes my mind off anything going on around me everyday and she makes me feel better when she gives me kisses and hugs,she will take her little hand and pat me on the back it’s cute πŸ™‚

2. Going out of town-

As you know my boyfriend lives two hours away, so I don’t get to see him as often as we both would like but whenever,I do go out of town to see him it helps me a lot because getting away from my home town is much needed sometimes, like when I had my recent situation with my child’s father unfortunately, it helped me a lot going to see my boyfriend and talking about it with him while he held me and listen to me vent for hours, he definitely loves me he has too, i talk his head off every chance I get. It’s funny because his very private and quiet and laid back and I’m the complete opposite but he evens me out( sorry for going off topic) you get the point.

3.watching my favorite show-

I love tv, I’m always glued to the television after a long day of work, usually watching cartoons with my daughter or watching something that I like, when I get off at 5 I always tune in to judge Mathis, I love court shows and I love seeing how the cases turn out, theirs also this new show on fox called “Rel” I watch and it’s really good and funny also,I like that new show on CBS called “neighbors” don’t quote me on it because the title is probably wrong but it has Cedric the entertainer in it, it’s very funny and of course I like a few reality tv shows or I’ll watch something on YouTube, Netflix or Hulu.

4.Reading a book/writing novels-

I love love to read like my name should be attached to Barnes and noble because I’m always there reading and I love the way the coffee smell hits me soon as the door opens, I could live in a bookstore literally. I read all kinds of books ranging from romance, to mystery to non fiction or fiction really whatever catches my eye. I also love to write novels ,so I have a bunch of stories I’ve written on my lap top and I have only let one person read them. it’s crazy but I’m funny about who reads my work, I don’t wanna jinx my work plus I have to make sure it’s good before anyone else can read it. Reading is always good for the soul it relaxes you and you get to zone out for a while.

5.taking my anxiety meds-

Let’s be clear these are only taken on a day where,I literally cannot handle anything and I have to be able to control myself or my thoughts so, I grab my pills and relax usually my medicine stays in my purse because, it’s always good to stay prepared I never wanna be away from home with no medicine, so I always make it a point to keep it on me at all times. yes they relax me and help me sleep, I remember the last time taking them my mom pointed out how calm and relaxed it made me, also she said I’m nicer so what does that tell you? But at the same token, I try not to take them everyday because I wanna try to see how my body will react without them but of course most of the time something will happen and then it’s all down hill from there but, yes the goal my doctor always tells me is to have me anxiety free but it’s been years of me dealing with it, so not really sure anything will change but I’m going to stay positive because you never know what can happen.

6. Not letting all the stress over power me-

It’s nothing much we can do when super stressed because we tell ourselves not to think about it but then then we still do it anyway, so the best/last tip I can give you is to let go and let god because it’s not much else you can do, but eventually things will get better in your life, so try not to let it effect you to the point of being depressed or not living your life because no matter what happens in life the world will always keep moving no matter what we have going on,so the best thing you can do is stay positive and count your blessings because it could be worse ,so to anyone out there dealing with stress it will get better I’m speaking it into existence for you, try meditating, yoga, going out with friends, prayer, or whatever works to distract you. You can do it guys I’m rooting for you!

Don’t let stress have you, beat stress up with a smile and positive energy.

Lifestyle

Women to women|Coming together.

It’s crazy because, I originally was going to do another post but instead I ended up picking this topic because day in and day out, I see so much bickering between women and it’s sad that as women we tend to pit ourselves against each other or down one another. we’re our own worse enemy and can’t even see it, it’s bad enough some(keyword some because not all men do this) men put us down but then we turn around and do it to ourselves and I can’t seem to understand why? I’ve watched another women go to another women’s page just to comment on a picture they didn’t like or to tear that women down for no reason at all, how do you sleep at night? And then the main ones that get me are the ones that put “child of god” in their bio like please that has to be a sick joke you cannot call yourself such a thing mean while your putting someone else down or name calling someone and I agree everyone has the right to their own opinion but there’s a difference, when it’s coming from a good place or when your just being plain nasty for no reason.

My experience..

I’ve never really fit into the in crowd, I’ve never been miss popularity but at the same time I’ve never felt the need to be anyone but me, I was bullied all through school by the mean girls as we call them. I never understood why someone can be so cruel, I was name called and told I was ugly, fat, and stupid by girls who didn’t even know me and their words started to eat at me as I got older and I started to believe it to a certain extent witch lead me down a path of destruction, starving myself, going days with no food and exercising constantly, hating the person behind the mirror. It’s weird to say those same girls now are fake friendly whenever they see me out but of course I never forget, my cousins ex also use to bully me in school and then turned around and tried to be nice to me because she was dating him. I can forgive a lot of things but trust me this girl will never forget.

The things I see.

I’m randomly on instagram today and as usual I’m scrolling down my time line and also looking at the search section where they show a bunch of pictures of celebrities, it saddens me to see so many women downing other women or saying ignorant things to be mean for no reason,like what is your motive? I honestly feel a lot of it is jealousy and the other part is women not liking who they are, self esteem is definitely a killer and will have you hating who you are, I’ve been there before. I will say this it’s no ones problem because you don’t like who you are and you should not treat others like shit because you don’t love yourself, it’s up to you to fix the broken pieces in you and get yourself together but don’t down another women or another person in general because you don’t like the shoes your in. I have to give tough love in this post for so many reasons because this is seen so much and it shouldn’t be.

Things to work on..

If you or anyone you know is that girl, I will say this it’s not too late to change who you are, and the next time you get online or even in person and see something you don’t like, keep scrolling it’s not hard, I do it all the time. I think as women we should always back each other the world we live in is already cold enough so why down one another. We have this new “me too” movement in place witch is suppose to be women empowerment yet still in some ways we have a long way to go as far as coming together but that’s a whole other topic. I truly encourage you to love on one another and treat each other the way you want to be treated stop putting others down and love yourself and the next time you think about saying something mean turn it into a positive.

Conclusion..

We have to stick together and show love each time we get a chance, so women even men let’s rise above the drama and be better than ever. I challenge you to go out today/tomorrow and say something nice to someone you love.

Lifestyle

Eating habits..

I’m always trying to eat healthy and put the right foods in my body but sometimes, I do have my cheat days and slips ups here and there, I will say my body feels better since I’ve stopped eating beef/pork but now I’m questioning should I cut meat out all together? I’m glad to say my family is actually on board with my new eating habits, they have been eating some of the same foods I’ve been eating or they will cook something separate for me.

This weekend, I went out of town. I’m visiting with my boyfriend and honestly we ate a lot of fast food yuck 🀒 so my boyfriend lives alone so of course he doesn’t cook a lot he usually eats out more unless I go with him to the store. So we ate at this Japanese restaurant and honestly I felt so sick eating the chicken I’m not sure why but it made me want to vomit literally and in that moment all I could think was “should I stop eating meat” it was gross to be honest. Then I asked my boyfriend what would you think if I went vegetarian he smiled of course and said he wouldn’t care but I don’t know guys and of course I get home and my mom has baked chicken for me of course I wanted to scream lol because I’m like no more chicken.

I proceed to try her food and my stomach was fine (nope I’m not pregnant) just putting that out there. I don’t know it was weird and then to top it off I had a bad dream last night and in the dream my doctor is telling me to stop eating meat so crazy I know literally so yes with that being said I’m not sure if this is a sign or what but I’m definitely a believer in signs. I’m not sure what to do next at all but, I do know I will continue on eating the way I am for now until I decide on going vegetarian/vegan.

On that note..

Lately I’ve been eating some good food, so I will tell you some of the foods I’ve eaten and liked also trying to keep this short and simple plus sweet lol.

1.cheese πŸ•

Ok so I never have liked cheese pizza I’m always use to eating supreme or pepperoni and sausage well the other week they catered to my Job and I tried it and it was so good guys like melted in my mouth good and I can’t wait to try cheese pizza again, it was actually better with no meat.

2.Bread 🍞

So I know bread is fattening but I absolutely love it so much with a dab of fat free butter its so yummy, my dad buys red lobster biscuits and makes them at home sooo good.

3. Mixed 🌽

Let me tell you guys mixed vegetables is becoming my new thing to eat it’s so good to me I love when it’s mixed with broccoli, zucchini, squash, potatoes and carrots, it’s so so good guys. I’m telling you!

4. Mixed πŸ‰

So for the last couple of days I been making fruit bowls every night before bed, last night I made a bowl of strawberries, berries, and grapes it was so good I even made one for my mom and daughter she loves grapes that’s one of the many fruits that I can actually get her to eat.

Conclusion..

I’m weird when it comes to food and picky sometimes so this process will take some time but for now I’m going to continue to be happy with my eating habits until I decide what’s next for me.

Thanks for listening to my crazy rant about food guys. I’m about to get off work and enjoy the rest of my Monday πŸ™‚

relationships

Bad relationships/why do we stay?

The reason I’m making this blog post is because we all have that one friend or family member who has been with the wrong guy or girl and we continue to tell them over and over it’s not going to work but to them we sound crazy and should mind our business, well today at work we had girl talk and of course the topic of discussion was relationships and how we feel about certain things that men/women tend to do and why do we stay sometimes even when we’re miserable.

Let’s get started..

So one of my co workers is currently dealing with a relationship dilemma,she’s not sure weather she should leave her relationship or stay. she’s not happy but doesn’t want to leave him “when his down” as she says and honestly I think a lot of women feel this way, I know I’ve stayed in many bad relationships because, I thought I loved that person and I thought things Would work out but it didn’t and it left me stuck and full of emotions and trying to figure out how to deal with them. So then poses the question is love really enough? Honestly in my opinion it’s not you can love the hell out of someone but love is not going to keep me there especially when I’m miserable and unhappy. I’ve learned that I have to love me first and do what makes me happy.

Let’s dig deeper..

In all my past relationships I wasn’t happy with myself and it caused me to cling to the wrong type of men,in my mind they loved me but it wasn’t love at all it was me being stuck in bad situations and thinking it was enough when clearly it wasn’t, I was always finding myself pondering back and fourth trying to please others over myself and no matter how many times i got hurt it never stopped me from giving love a try again even though in my mind it was clear what the outcome would be, my heart indured so much pain and it cause me more heartache then anything and it honestly wasn’t worth it in the end. I will also add this if you feel like you have to cheat on your partner because they are not giving you attention or you are that miserable being with them, my biggest suggestion is move on and leave them don’t hurt that person because you are hurting that’s make no sense to me at all and I seen it happen to many time with friends or people I know so leave the situation don’t make things even worse.

When do we start to love us enough..

It really breaks my heart to see women even men with the wrong person and watch them waste their time so many times over and over and at some point we have to have that self love for ourselves because when we don’t it turns in to us picking the wrong person to be with, I’m always challenging people around me to stay single and focus on themselves until they really know what they want and can find self love first before beginning to love another person. In the end it causes a lot of unresolved problems and causes us to resent that person even though we had a choice to leave or stay. I watch my co worker talk daily about her relationship and anything you say to her she gets mad because she has talked herself into being happy when in reality she’s not she vents and complains to us daily and we give her advice but she never takes it and in no way shape or form am I degrading her or trying to make her look like a bad person because trust me I’ve been that girl before in relationships I more so wanted to use her story as an example to help others because we have all been there at one point in time.

Conclusion..

At the end of the day I hate to say it but we only have ourselves to blame when we choose to be in bad relationships with the wrong person because the door is always open but we chose to leave it closed. I hope that this helps someone out there know that you are loved and the right person is coming to you so be patient and keep being you also don’t jump too quick into relationships without knowing more about the person and always always make sure to love you first. I’m rooting for each and every one of you and I know things will be ok. Stay positive my sweeties.

I have to get back to work now we’re starting to get busy ✌️

romance

Favorite date night spots|I’m gearing up for date night this weekend!!

I’m a hopeless romantic as alway and I’m always in the mood to talk about love and share my experiences so in honor of my up coming date night this weekend, I thought I would share some of my favorite date night places also great date places to go whenever your in the mood for a date and some fun.

1. Dinner

So dinner at your favorite restaurant with great food and even fantastic conversation can never go wrong you and your date can sit across from one another and truly get to know each other over a glass of wine or even water if drinking isn’t your thing. You can go to a fancy restaurant down town or even some place simple whatever makes you and your date happy either way going out to eat is a great choice for a first date. The night can be full of surprises yes it can.(by the way my favorite restaurant is red lobster)

2. Movies

I know some might be thinking this is so basic but no my boyfriend and I love to go to the cinema bistro it offers movies plus dinner and drinks it’s so much fun when picking the right movie it’s my boyfriends favorite place to go and like always he ends up picking the movie and I talk his head off trying to figure out what’s going to happens next. This is also good for a first date because you can watch your favorite movie and get to know your date at the same time so it’s a win win for both (personally I would rather watch movies at home) but I will do the movies for him.

3. Park

It’s nothing like a good old fashion date in the park with a picnic because you can eat and talk and be one with nature. I’ve always wanted to do a picnic never done it though but I say go for it and please enjoy yourself their is so many other things you can do in the park for Instance play a game of frisbee, walk the trails, even cook on the grill. It’s all about having fun and enjoying the nature with your significant other and if your like me and you love the outside then this is right up your ally so I say go ahead and make your park date happen soon rather then later. You won’t regret it!

4.spend time alone inside

Ok ok I know what your thinking how the hell is staying inside a good date well let me tell you all you have to do is cook your partner some dinner and cuddle up on the couch for some movies it’s the perfect set up and you don’t have to leave home, I love doing things like this with my boyfriend mainly because I’m a homebody anyway but also because you don’t always have to leave home to have a good time remember that, sometimes it’s ok to stay in and enjoy each other’s company once in a while. So try it sometime and close the outside world out for a little while πŸ™‚

5.bowling

I suck at bowling and I cannot bowl a strike to save my life but hey it’s not always about winning right? The point is this is a fun exciting date where you can get to know your date and have a good time while doing it, they even have good nachos mmm love my nachos but seriously guys this is a great place to go and you don’t have to take yourself so serious you can showcase your fun side and while also showing the other person your hobbies so it’s kind of a win win and soo much fun at the same time so I say let’s go bowling 🎳 no realkt let’s go πŸ‘‰ lol

6. The bar

Yes I know what your thinking but some people don’t want the date to be super serious or uncomfortable so going to a bar to talk or have a drink or two isn’t the worse thing in the world. Some bars even do karaoke night and you can never go wrong with that. The idea is to not take yourself so serious and learn to have some fun again I say go for it, it’s really whatever makes you happy either way as long as your getting to know the person and having fun that’s all that matters in the end.

Conclusion

Date night should alway be something you should keep in your relationship it helps to go out every now and then and enjoy some alone time with your partner so between your busy Schedule always try to make time for one another and live in the moment always. I can’t wait for date night and I hope your next days is everything you want it to be and more. enjoy your Tuesday night I’ll be enjoying mine because I’m off to bed, time to close my eyes.

anxiety, life

The way I been feeling..

so much has happened in the past couple of weeks I’m feeling really weird about everything to be honest, I’ve held so much in haven’t said a lot about half the things that really bother me, I’m always that girl in the crowd who’s smiling who’s always so put together and people always say to me ” you’re always so happy, are you ever sad, you always smile” the truth is I wear a smile all the time to hide a lot of the things that go through my head or that I’m dealing with. I been feeling so un easy lately like I’m here physically but mentally I’m some where else.

I’ve been dying to tell my boyfriend about my thoughts but honestly his been so busy with work and dealing with his own things so I don’t wanna burden him but inside I’m dying I’m dying to get out I’m dying to tell anyone who will listen about these thoughts. I keep telling him I’m not ok but does he even really hear me, Ive told my mom a little bit and she says “take your anxiety meds you will be ok” I get that helps but what if I don’t wanna feel like a zombie or something I’m not for a day. I’ve been dying to get away so this weekend I’ll go out of town to spend some time with my boyfriend and his family witch I’m looking forward too because I’m in desperate need of a get away maybe I’ll come back and feel better maybe I won’t either way it’s worth a shot.

I been beating myself up about finding a new job trust me I love where I work but I wanna be closer to home driving an hour back and fourth everyday is getting old and taking a toll on me and my car, I’ve had to do so many repairs lately and I’m tired to say the least. I hope some new opportunity will present itself soon as far as my career goes only time will tell have to keep applying for jobs and sit back and wait not only that but my daughters father coming back in my life has been nothing but pure hell and I wish he never came back I’m starting to hate him literally we got into a Hugh argument through text yesterday and it didn’t end well at this point I no longer want him around me or my daughter she has a good life and is loved and I’m done trying with him it’s costing me too much peace and I can’t have my inner peace being destroyed.

I feel broken and I never thought I would say that out loud to be honest, I want everything to be different but it’s not instead it’s the complete opposite and I hate how someone can come into your life and turn it upside down by being an asshole and threatening to do things to you I’ve never dis liked someone so much but it’s ok because the next time we speak it will be through my lawyer because I cannot cannot take it anymore with him, he needs to be taught a lesson and I’m here to be the teacher today. I’m going to try my best to pep up try my best to wear a smile and not let all the drama bring me down but it’s hard sometimes. My anxiety is at an all time high so I do indeed think it’s time to contact my therapist and it’s time for me to get back on my meds for a while until everything dies down. I know I’m going to be ok, I know eventually things will get better and I’m going to keep having hope and stayed prayed up.

Thanks for listening to my long vent guys, I’m going to go lay down now because it’s back to work tomorrow and I have an intern I have to train so gotta get all the rest I can get my sweeties. Enjoy your Sunday! Ps: this post probably won’t go up till Monday.

also I’m feeling a bit better today but last night I was so over it!

anxiety

I’m back/what’s been going on part (2) πŸ’•

The crazy part is as I’m writing this I feel like a zombie I’m drained and tired as hell this week has completely taken me out honestly so much has happened and I feel like I’m losing control of everything, you ever wish for something and when you finally get it, you wish you could call the genie back to get rid of it(watch Aladdin) anyway this whole week my mood has been down the drain and I’m starting to wonder what’s next how much more can I take. Well might as well tell you the rest of what’s been going on with me..

Let’s get started..

So as I said in my last post my child’s father has suddenly popped back up into the picture and honestly it’s been crazy as hell since his been back like let me tell you he is well a little crazy I mean he chooses to pop up when he feels like it and expects me to jump at his every command. We met up today and it went to shit(sorry for my language by the way) he proceeds to tell me how he wants things to be and when he wants to see his daughter and how I need to break up with my boyfriend and be with him, like how delusional is he? I mean seriously you haven’t been in my daughters life for a year and now you wanna play daddy well I can’t say I’m not surprised but it’s crazy how he tries to hug me and touch on me and tell me he wanted me back then he continue to attack my boyfriends character (he doesn’t even know him) I don’t know this whole day has been completely crazy and I’m drained so drained my anxiety also has been at a all time high today I literally cried for no reason earlier plus I had full blown panic attack-before going to meet him is this a sign or what? Either way I feel like crap.

How everyone feels..

No one and I mean no one in my family likes my child’s father it’s a mess they all want him to go away and stay away from my daughter but me on the other hand well I want my daughter to have her father in her life but at the same time I want boundaries and I want us to be able to co parent drama free but we Always bump heads no matter what and it’s crazy, now my boyfriend is mad because he feels like my child’s father shouldn’t pop up when he feels like it or make demands when he hasn’t been here(I’ve never seen him so upset) honestly I wish my child’s father could respect the fact they I’ve moved on and I’m happy without trying to cause any unnecessary drama but it feels like he can’t do that and he seems like he won’t stop at nothing to break my relationship up and I definitely don’t want that. This whole thing is a complete mess and I feel like no matter what I do nobody will be pleased or happy with my decisions. The fact of the matter is I’m stuck with this man for the rest of my life because his in my daughters life and honestly I’m starting to feel trapped.

What’s next..

I honestly wish I knew what to do but I don’t at all and I feel like I’m torn between going back to my therapist or being back on my meds but either way how do I even know any of this will help me or will it get worse. There’s so much at stake here and I wish I knew what to do. I’m hoping that time will eventually let things play out and everything will fall into place but who am I kidding can it really get better from here? I’m honestly feeling like it won’t and the only thing keeping me together is my daughter but I won’t lie I’m slowly slowly going into shut down mode and not dealing with anything, all I can do is pray and hope that he will continue to be a father for my daughter and actually be consistent with being in her life.

Work life..

the same shit is going on that was going on last week nobody changed at all and most of all I’m over adults acting like kids its so annoying and ridiculous but as always I’ve been nice even when I’ve wanted to say more but I’ve remained calm and learned to ignore people who don’t add any value into my life can’t change everybody but I can change how I react to people and situations so I’ll keep you posted on this as ( go back to part 1 post to get the back story on this)

Conclusion

so much has happened since I’ve wrote this and honestly I don’t know what’s next to be honest so as always i will keep you posted on my oh so sweet crazy/fun/ I don’t even know life lol. I had to laugh it’s better then crying.