weight loss/Healthy food choices

Weight loss update..

I honestly feel embarrassed even writing about this šŸ¤¦ā€ā™€ļø it’s crazy to think that things were going so good, my weight was in a good place and I was happy. I think my depression has played a major part in where I am now unfortunately. Food has won and my self control has lost šŸ˜

Where I’m at..

This week has been a world win and I’ve been eating bad unfortunately but I have decided to go back on the meal plan my nutritionist has given me and I’m excited to move forward starting Monday also with the help of my mom who is going to be dieting again with me. Honestly she always does better then me she’s more dedicated, food and I have always had a rocky relationships their are times when I’m eating good and other times where food is really not my best friend. I do always accept responsibility for any mistakes I make or bad decisions that may occur in my life. I’m trying my best to get out of the space I’m in right now and trying my best to slip out of the depression and get back on track.

What’s next for me..

The only thing at this point that can be done is me striving to do my best again. I’m going to regain my strength and regain my power back and get my life back the way it was before everything went left. I’m actually proud of myself though since I’ve gone grocery shopping today and rid my refrigerator of all the bad foods so I’m excited about going back to healthy eating also I’m going to be back in the gym next week and I’m thinking about getting a trainer for the extra help. I downloaded a new app on my phone to help with my eating as well ,I’ll put the link at the end of the post but so far I like it a lot it actually will generate and make your meal plans for you also it’s great because you can blog post your journey on it and post pictures and talk to people from all over the world who are trying to lose weight so that’s great motivation.

Conclusion..

I’m definitely going to do more post to keep you updated on my weight loss journey and to kind of document it for you guys. I’m going to share the foods I’m eating and the exercises that I’m doing and different recipes. This is a little off topic but after having my daughter I was 145 pounds and I remember losing weight and getting down to 133 or so and I was happy and then the weight came back after a while and I lost it again and of course now it’s back again to 139 and I was 133/134 last. I know to most reading this your going to be like stop bitching that’s nothing just a couple of pounds but to me it’s a lot I’m really insecure about my body a lot and In the past it has lead me to starving myself and not treating my body good. It’s really about a lifestyle change and being healthy for not only me but for my daughter.

More talk..

Again I also wanna apologize for my bad blog posting lately funny thing is I wrote part of this post four days ago and then saved it as a draft and never got back to writing more on it until today. I’m trying guys I’m trying again my mind is still all over the place and I’m trying my best to come back to being myself but I will try my hardest to blog more.

Enjoy your Saturday and relax because Monday is coming soon. Thanks for reading my crazy rant. It’s time to get back to relaxing.

anxiety

My anxiety update/ how Iā€™m feeling lately.

I haven’t really spoke about my anxiety lately or where I’m at with the whole situation, so I wanted to give a mini update on what’s been going on and basically how I’ve been feeling lately towards things in my life.

Let’s get started..

I know the last major anxiety attack that I had was at my job and since then things have been going pretty good for me for the most part, well I take that back I did have a moment recently where I was dealing with a situation with my car, well the other day I’m driving to work and I heard a loud noise in my back seat, the glass in my back window shattered, I was panicking so bad and just grateful my daughter wasn’t in the car so I had to go back home and call out of work and I was car less for two days, thankfully my mom let me borrow her car but I cried for days worrying about how I was going to pay for that on top of my other bills I had to pay.

God worked it out..

Everything ended up being ok guys because I managed to pay that and still got my other bills paid but I won’t lie it lead me into a panic for days worrying about it other then that nothing major has really been going on as always, I take it day by day I’m never really sure what’s going to happen in my day to day life or what could trigger my anxiety but I try not to think too much about it either, it’s easier when I’m keeping busy and not letting outside voices get into my head. I know that no matter what I do, it’s up to me to decided how I want my day to be and the outcome, I’m not saying cut your feelings off but learn to control them and boy can that be hard sometimes for me but I’m a work in progress.

It’s Friday..

Today I’m choosing happiness, I’m choosing to put me first and love me. It’s been a beautiful day so far, I got off work early, picked my daughter up, we played outside and now I’m watching her try to cook in the kitchen with her papa lol she tries my baby has so many talents. Take today and everyday and try to love yourself, learn about you and live in your truth always and don’t let your mental illness bring you down we all have battles we have to defeat but with a level head and support anything is possible so I challenge you today and everyday to find what makes you happy and enjoy the little things because it truly means a lot.

Anything is possible..

Remember guys life is beautiful and we should take advantage of every little opportunity we have. I won’t let my anxiety over take me I won’t let my emotions get the best of me today is a new day and I will enjoy it. So to anyone out there dealing with mental illness or fighting a daily battle you can get through this and I support you. You are loved always and please enjoy your Friday with lots of smiles and love.

It’s the weekend..

šŸŽŠšŸŽ‰šŸ„‚šŸ˜Š

positivity

Stop promoting negativity/be positive.

So I’m at work minding my business and had some down time today In between patients so I’m scrolling through Twitter and Instagram like I do everyday and I see a post by a women saying “why are men so stupid?” My first though was wait a minute did she really write that then I decided to scroll through some comments of course most men were not happy about this post one man even proceeds to say ” why don’t women shut the F*** up when you ask them too” (he also threatens a women who leaves a comment under what he said) I really was appalled at this for one I don’t feel she should have made the comment because it goes back to the old saying every parent teaches their child “if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all” Maybe she was having a bad day either way things could have been said differently and I get it’s that persons page and they can post whatever they like but at the same time be prepared for the repercussions of your actions.

I don’t agree with a man disrespecting a women at all period, it says a lot about how you were raised and how you will treat any women you date. Their are so many domestic violence situations out there so for anyone to take a comment that far it’s ridiculous also we need to learn we may not always agree with what someone says but we don’t always have to react either,learn to walk away. I read through so many comments and most of them were negative, women going back in fourth men trashing women it was crazy. It’s so disappointing to see people act crazy online it’s like don’t fall for the bait don’t do it and conduct yourselves a little better some things don’t need a reaction as I’ve said already.

Another story..

Something also really triggered me this morning as well when I’m on Twitter and I see a girl post a picture of herself she’s clearly been beaten by her boyfriend her face has cuts and bruises and theirs blood so she goes on to say “my man may beat me sometimes but at least I have a man” I’m at a loss for words at this point because it’s sad and she’s making a joke about this when so many women are being abused daily and can’t even get help or have no way out, it’s like how dare she make a mockery out of something so serious, the sad part is this young girl really needs help to even think that being abused is ok ever theirs a Hugh problem there. Being abused is nothing to play with at all people have lost their lives to these not only that but it tells me she doesn’t love herself at all to even think this way, I really hope this girl gets help and I hope she realizes what she deserves and I pray she’s being watched over as we speak.

If you or someone you know is being abused please seek help check out my previous post about my abusive relationship and please click on the website I left it may save your life today…

Always remember do not ever allow someone to bait you to the point where your doing something or saying something you shouldn’t be doing. Spend time around people who bring positivity in your life and stay away from any negativity, try to be careful with your words and don’t allow one bad moment to break you. If you see anything negative online please ignore it you don’t have to give the other person any satisfaction and you don’t have to let them win.

I challenge you to spend some time away from social media and enjoy your day don’t allow someone to take you out of your character because you know who you are and the next time you get ready to post something negative think to yourself “do I really need to post this, is this really that important” post something positive.

I’m sorry for the rant guys all this really caught me off guard and I wanted to speak my peace. I hope you all enjoy your Thursday I’m going to enjoy my mini break before going back in to work. Remember love somebody today and give them lots of hugs šŸ¤—

self-love

Why self -love is so important/learning to love yourself.

So it’s Sunday and I wanna keep up with the theme of love, this topic is so important to me because I didn’t always love myself and I didn’t always like who I was and and it took me a really long time to realize that I was special and that I mattered. I grew up in a household where love was always shown(I’m an only child) my parents they raised me right they taught me right from wrong and I was spoiled of course so it was never a time where I didn’t feel loved or not wanted.

When I got older is when I started to struggle a little, I was being bullied in school kids would say your ugly, your fat, why do you look like that or act like that and I would come home crying, I used to beg my mom to put me in private school she would always say it will get better, it will be ok. I wanted it to be ok, I wanted those kids to leave me alone and stop picking at me but it wasn’t happening. I got to a point where I was skipping school and trying to leave early every day to avoid the kids who would pick on me eventually it started to get a little better but those words they stuck with me for a really long time.

I would stand in the full length mirror at home and wonder why I was so fat, I wanted to be smaller I was tired of feeling unattractive and over weight( I was bigger when I was in middle/high school) some of my family members would even pick at my weight they would tell me I should stop eating or how did I get that big, it use to hurt my feelings and I desperately wanted to be thin, I remember starving myself and not eating for days even going to the store to get diet pills, I was working out every day. I remember that same year I lost a lot of weight and dropped 4 pants sizes I was happy people were complimenting me and saying I looked good but still it wasn’t enough because inside I wasn’t happy with who I was at all.

I got tired of all the criticism, I was tired of trying to be what they wanted me to be. I remember crying out inside because I wanted a way out, the guy I was dating at the time told me I was going to far but in my mind it wasn’t far enough I started cutting myself to not feel the pain at all, no one knew anything I was feeling and I felt trapped and alone, between being bullied and not loving myself I was a mess, I spend more time trying to please the people around me then myself. I had to put an end to all the voices in my head and learn to love myself for me.

Once I started college all that changed, I didn’t feel so trapped or like I had to please anybody around me, I started making new friends and nobody was judging me or trying to change me, it was a good feeling to know for once that I could be myself. I started seeing the brighter side of things and realize that who was, was actually ok and I didn’t need to please anyone but myself. My life was finally the way I wanted/needed it to be with or without the approval of others-around me. The only only opinion I cared about was my own.

Loving yourself is the best thing you can ever do guys no matter what even if you’re in a relationship always remember to love you first, take care of you first and don’t let those outside voices get inside your head, it took me years to finally love myself and honestly some days I still struggle but I take it one day at a time also bullying is never ok and anyone who has dealt with that my heart goes out to you.

Your life is Important and you are loved never forget that don’t let any one ever tell you different. Once you start to love yourself things will get brighter and a lot better and you will see that you are amazing šŸ˜‰

https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/9237282

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