So, I officially have a podcast now and I Couldn’t be more excited about it, I’ve always wanted to do one in the past but never thought I could or that anyone would care to listen plus I needed a good topic.
I went on anchor it’s an app and It allows you to start your own podcast and allows you to share it wherever you want too. I did my first episode tonight and it’s only seven minutes long but the ones after will be longer and I’m super excited to share and voice my opinions with the world and talk about a topic that has honestly became very near and dear to my heart the past couple of months and means a lot to me.
I will be talking about mental health/mental illness on my podcast, this subject has become such a Hugh part of my life the past year especially since starting this blog and being able to connect with others who deal with the same things as me or have similar backgrounds. It makes me happy to be able to help others with my story and also read others blogs and get to see the things they have gone through and how they find the strength to be happy and make it through each day. If I can change a life or make anyone out there feel better then that helps me to heal and helps me to know I’m doing something right.
What to look forward too.
So basically I’ll be blogging 3 days a week Friday-Sunday and also doing my podcast everyday or every other day and I hope you guys will take a listen. I’m going to find a way to balance it all, I also was doing YouTube but that has been on hold for now too. Timing isn’t always on my side as I would like it to be. Between work, being a mom and dealing with everything else I’m a busy bee during the week but I’m definitely going to find a way to get on track with everything and I’m going to post the links to all my sites on here so you guys can follow or take a look.
I’m really excited for what 2019 has in store for me and I can’t wait to expand and do different things and have fun while doing it. So for the ones that follow me I appreciate you so much for reading my blog and for the ones who view my blog and take the time to visit my page thank you as well. Im always grateful so keep looking out for more new things from me, I will keep you guys updated, enjoy your Sunday!
Keeping up with me:
Good Morning, it’s a beautiful Sunday morning and I can’t sleep, so I decided to work on my Sunday blog, I got this topic because in my last post I touched on mental illness and people sometimes needed help but not being able to seek it.
Last night, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone he called me kind of in a panic and, I was wondering what’s going on and he started to tell me about his brother acting strange, So in the past his brother has struggled with mental illness and had break downs due to personal things going on in his life and he said “babe my brother is acting strange again, I think his mental illness is back again” I explained to him, I said mental illness doesn’t go away, you find ways to control it and try to keep it in control but it never fully goes away. You can use things like medication to help or you can try to control it on your own. I think that’s a big thing for me and not everyone knows all the signs or what to do when they have a friend or family member in these situations.
If you see a friend or family member dealing with something the best thing to do is to monitor that person because you don’t wanna jump the gun and assume something is wrong right away and then it turns out to be nothing. The worse thing you can do is upset someone who is already in a tough situation, I remember masking my pain a lot not being able to tell anyone that help was needed, I would cry in silence, I was miserable everyday my anxiety was getting worse my depression had kicked in and yet ,I was still putting on an act for the world wearing a fake smile and one day, I broke down to my mom and told her everything that was going on, I knew I had to reach out to someone because help was needed.
Signs to look for-
I grabbed this from https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/warning-signs-of-mental-illness so go check this website out guys!
1.sleep or appetite change
3.drop in functioning
These are Only a few, so check there website out for me information.
I wanted to shed light on this because so many people out here need help or are reaching out and no one is there for them. I want no one out there to feel alone in talking to my boyfriend last night it made me realize, some people don’t know what to do in this situations all the time and they feel helpless trying to save someone. I feel like mental illness needs to be talked about more and a light really needs to be shed on this type of topics. I see so much of it around me now and I see so much of it going UN noticed and the last thing you want is someone you love hurting.
Please don’t suffer in silence, if you need help or someone around you needs help. Please get the help you need and don’t feel ashamed to ask. It’s Sunday so I’m going to lighten this up a little.please enjoy your day also, I may do a double post today. Give someone a hug today and let them know they are not alone.
Waking up, I’m grateful for seeing another day and as I sit here in my thoughts, I’m starting to think about everything I’ve been through the past year and how strong I truly am, I remember being the quiet shy girl in school never speaking up for herself never being able to be vocal due to fear and now I can’t shut up lol. I always have something to say or I wanna vocalize something.
I talk a lot about mental health now with people around me where as before I was scared to tell anyone, I suffered with depression or anxiety, it was like a hidden secret that the world could not know about in my mind it was embarrassing and a secret I kept from everyone around me but now, I find myself talking about it with everyone around me and you would be surprised to know how many people around me suffer as well. The medication helps me a lot it gets me through the the tough days. I’m learning to smile again and not let the little things bring me down.
The world 🌎
The world is such a cold place now so much wrong going on and so many people suffering it really truly makes me sad to see all the things going on. To see so many people dying or attempting to reach out for help and no one is there for them. I use to watch the news every night but cannot even stomach it anymore due to all the bad things happening. Its so easy to reach out and touch someone and let them know they are not alone and it will be ok, I think that’s why mental heath has become such a big thing for me this blog has helped me with that lot and also because so many people suffer and no one knows.
I encourage you to be a light in someone else’s life and make someone smile on this beautiful Saturday morning and let them know “you are not alone” I am here. Enjoy your Saturday and don’t forget to smile and tell someone you love them today.
It feels good to be back, I know I’ve been gone for a while the last post I did was on Christmas Eve like I’m the worse, I already know. I’m going to dedicate myself more to my blog, I’m going to be posting every Saturday/Sunday starting this week. Those are the best days for me, I’m going to start this blogging thing off right and be more dedicated to keeping up and letting you guys know what’s going on with me more.
So basically I’m going to catch you up on where I’ve been and what’s been going on since the last post. So hang in here with me guys because it’s about to get long winded lol jk or am I? 🤷♀️ so let’s get started.
My anxiety has been so good and I’m happy to say, I haven’t been depressed or sad in a while and that’s a good feeling for me. I’ve been seeing my doctor on a regular basis and he has me on my anxiety meds witch are working amazing , he even up my dosage at our last visit and it’s been going well so far, the only side effect I’m not liking too much is the drowsiness and feeling sleepy but other then that the medicine is perfect, I’m learning I’m one of those people that needs meds to function and I’ve accepted that and I’m not ashamed I’m actually proud to admit I’m far from perfect. I would rather be safe then sorry. I’ve been trying to stay up beat and positive about anything and keep the negative out my circle and away from me. I’ll definitely keep you updated on my anxiety.
I was so happy to celebrate my one year anniversary with my wonderful boyfriend on the 6th of January, it’s been an amazing year, his been an amazing guy and he treats my daughter so well so, I couldn’t ask for a better man to be in my life this is the happiest I’ve ever been with someone and I’m glad we met each other when we did. It’s nothing like good timing to help you meet the right person when you lease expect it. I also wanna do a blog post this up coming weekend on relationships. I’m going to do more post on relationships in the upcoming future.
I don’t even wanna deal with this lol but geez I gotta get back on track I’ve gained a few pounds back unfortunately, so can’t say I’ve been on track but I do plan on starting the keto diet next week with my mom so, I will let you guys know how that works. It’s so hard to stick to this diet thing, I do so well for a month or two then I slip up again and it’s disappointing but I’m human and I’m going to keep pushing and love the skin I’m in. I’m going to get healthy this year and do what’s best for me on my terms and my standards not what everyone else wants me to do. I will keep you guys updated on this aspect of my life as well let’s keep those fingers crossed 🤞
What you can expect:
So with it being a new year, I really wanna blog more about different things, I don’t wanna stick to always talking about my anxiety or dieting so my next steps is to talk more about hair, makeup, relationships, and all other things and I’ll even post videos on here as well. I’m going to kick this blog up going forward and you can also expect a Q&A from me soon as well. So guys, I hope you had an amazing new year and I hope you enjoy your week I’ll be posting again on Saturday so look out for it.
So, I finally got my anxiety/depression meds on Friday and saw my doctor, his really on me about taking my medicine everyday, I know, I know it sounds easy but I’m always convincing myself that I’m feeling better and don’t need it anymore so I stop taking it for long periods but I’m realizing I can’t keep doing that. I never really realized how my anxiety and depression effected others around me until recently my family and boyfriend told me some of my behaviors and how they think taking my medicine daily will help. I try to stay Pretty level headed for the most part and I’m really good at pretending to be happy when I’m not I’ve gotten so good at covering up my emotions and feelings to the point where people will actually think I’m ok, my patients always commend me and tell me how happy I look and how I’m always smiling yet they don’t know what it takes for me to wear that smile.
So my doctor has me taking Lexapro, I don’t know, if anyone has heard of that or taken it before but he loves to keep me on that medication in the past it has helped so will see, I started taking them yesterday and boy oh boy let me tell you I was so sleepy and I felt extremely nauseous all day long and I know that’s a side effect but it sucked. I’ve taken other meds in the past too its another one very popular but for some reason as I type this I cannot think of the name, that medicine gave me crazy side effects too it made me cry all the time and I felt crazy so I stopped taking it but don’t get me wrong I know medicine helps but it’s still that feeling of when will it be a day where I can actually be normal and not have to worry about what’s going to happen each day and how it will effect me. I probably should still see my therapist maybe? I don’t know will see.
Something my doctor said( wanna shed light on it)-
I was explaining to my doctor about my depression and I’m sitting There waiting for a reply he then goes “well a lot of times around this year people get depressed around the holidays” and I don’t wanna be rude but I’m thinking my depression has been here for a while now it has nothing to do with the damn holidays. I get some people do get sad around this time due to missing family and friends or being alone but why must he assume I’m one of those people as long as I’ve been going to him for my anxiety he should know it has nothing to do with the holidays. He then proceeded to ask if I’m suicidal and of course I’m not, I’ve never thought about taking my life but of course I’m human and I’ve had times where I’m like “I don’t wanna do this anymore” as in deal with the problems I have but no never going to take my life. I like my doctor don’t get me wrong it’s Just some times he tries to self diagnose me like his a psychologist and I’m like ok your my family doctor not my therapist let’s Keep it that way is all I’m saying.
I’ll make this short because I already know this post is a little long. I talked to my current job and told them that I was staying there and not taking the new job I had offered, the office manager there wasn’t really not professional at all and I honestly don’t wanna work for a place like that. In January I’ll start looking for new jobs to apply to again but for the rest of this month I’m taking time off and relaxing.
Thanks for listening to my cute story time/rant guys, I know I’m a mess sometimes also I wanted to tell more stories but this post is already long so I’ll save it, also my next post will be about my favorite Christmas foods so look out for it guys. Enjoy your Sunday ✌️
So crazy how Life can be sometimes and how things happen that we don’t always expect to happen. So in my last post things we’re looking up for me or so I though. I don’t wanna make this super long so I’m going to get right into it.
My anxiety/depression –
I was honestly happy for a while, I felt good everything seemed to be fine, however so much has happened and honestly I’ve come to the conclusion and so have others around me that it’s best I stay on my meds. I honestly wish that it was possible for me to be medication free but for now and because it seems for the best I’m seeing my doctor this week about more medication to help me. The weird part is I try to be happy and I try to not be depressed but it’s sad because I find myself always on edge and upset most of the time and I can’t control it like I want too. I think it’s best for me to take my medication and seek my therapy until things get better. This is not a set back for me more so something that I have to get through and I know in the end things will come out better and I’ll be stronger. I’m learning it’s ok to take medication and please don’t ever be ashamed to do that.
In my last post, I stated that I had a great interview that was suppose to lead to a Job and please excuse any bad language in this post but it’s how I feel. The lady that supposedly hired me is full of shit, she basically played me in a way because she told me that the position was mine even the doctor there told me that it was mine,then she told me she was going to send me some paper work to fill out and call my job for a reference so needless to say a week goes by,I don’t hear from her at all, so today I decided to call.she picked up and acted like she didn’t know who I was or what was going on, it was crazy then she has this bull shit excuse saying that she has been busy because the office was closed due to bad weather yesterday it was a bunch of crap to me like how do we go from two interviews to telling me I’m hired and your going to email me paper work to this, now she’s claiming she’s doing more interviews as well, I honestly feel like you can’t trust anybody now a days but honestly I blocked the number because I don’t want any more parts to this company and I don’t want her calling me to offer me anything because she’s full of shit. (Again sorry for the language).
So basically I even told my Job that, that I was leaving so imagine my embarrassment so now to make a long story short gotta tell my Job tomorrow that I’m not leaving, so yes this has been a Hugh mess but no matter what I’m going to keep smiling and keep pushing. Gotta be grateful to have a job now a days so can’t let this break me I’m going to keep pushing and keep moving and do what’s best for me. I wish this post was a little more positive, I gotta speak my truth even when it doesn’t feel right or always sound the way I want it too. Anyway going to end this and enjoy the rest of my day off because it’s back to work tomorrow so enjoy your Tuesday.
Hey guys, I’m going to make this post quick and to the point, I been double missing lately but I also been super busy and Trying to get ready for the holidays. I wanted to wait to even talk about this but might as well spill the beans and give you an update on life and what’s been new with me.
My anxiety lately has been so good, I haven’t had any major set backs, I haven’t had to take my anxiety meds or anything. Ive been super calm no stress, just living a great great life and I pray it stays like this for a long time. I don’t want anything flaring my anxiety up so I don’t wanna jinx it either but for the most part it’s been so good and I’m happy.
My depression is also very well lately, I haven’t really been sad I been in a great mood, I’m not crying all the time or being with drawn from everybody around me or feeling not like myself so far I’ve been in great sprits and I’ve decided not to go see my therapist since I’m doing so well. This is another thing that I don’t wanna jinx and i pray doesn’t resurface anytime soon because being sad/depressed is honestly no fun and I was miserable everyday. So gotta keep my fingers crossed.🤞
I’m still at my current job, things there have been looking up actually, no drama between my co workers and I, everyone is getting along and were getting the job done and it’s actually been a good work environment here lately. I’m grateful for the position and the job that I’ve been given but I also had an interview at another drs office last week and they called me back and they want to meet with me again this up coming week to discuss the job more and let me meet the dr, so it’s looking good so far and I think I may have a new job but don’t wanna jinx that either or jump the gun too quick so I won’t go into to much detail about it yet but guys if I land this job things will definitely start looking up and this would be a good look for me so I will keep you guys posted on it.
Nothing is perfect but I’ve been doing well lately and I want it to stay that way so I’m trying to stay positive and keep the negativity away from me. I’m sorry I suck at blogging lately the app is on my phone, I really have no valid excuses for my lack of blogging but I’m going to get better( I know I say that a lot) I really am please be patient with me and if you wanna see what else I’m doing you can go subscribe to my YouTube channelhttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UClMlsfycn0FYkgBkQU4Ik6A ,I’ve been doing a lot of videos lately and I’ll be doing one later and posting it tonight so be on the look out for that. Enjoy your Sunday I’m back to watching movies on Netflix. Talk to you soon!
I’m so sorry guys, I know I was suppose to update a couple of days ago, well life caught me and I got busy 😩 but I’m back today. I have been working on my weight loss as you can tell by previous post and let’s just say it’s working so well I have to credit it to hard work but also www.sparkpeople.com yes this app has helped me so much with eating right and the recipes are great. So I started off at 139 and I’m now 133. (After I had my daughter I was 145 and then got in to the 130’s but gained my weight back) I was shocked when I stepped on the scale and seen that. I wanna keep going to get down to 122. I literally haven’t been that small since 2014 also guys make sure your doing it healthy don’t do anything crazy to lose weight. I literally eat 3 meals a day and when I do snack it’s always something healthy. I will keep you posted on more of my weight loss and also on once I hit my goal weight how I’ll maintain it. I haven’t been going to the gym as much either here lately so gotta get back on track with that.
Ok so my life has been pretty ok, I still feel sad sometimes and depressed here and there and my job tends to give me a hell of a lot of anxiety here lately so I’m still in the process of looking for another job trying to be positive about it all. Once I get my new insurance I’m also going to start back seeing my therapist so that should be interesting, the goal here is to not allow my anxiety to take over but it’s hard some days are better then others. I still have those moments where being alone is all I want to do. I get invited to so many events or places and turn them down because I’m so use to being alone and I’ve become such a loner to be honest so I’m working on getting out the house more and trying to be more social but sometimes it’s like no thanks I’ll stay home today. Well it’s Saturday so I’ll get out for a little while today I’m taking my daughter out for shopping to get her more clothes and I’m going to do some Christmas shopping (I know it’s early but I rather start now then late) I always do my shopping early.
I still wanna get away but where the hell would I go? I still wish starting over was an option well maybe it still is but geez do I really wanna move away and leave my friends and family behind? Sometimes I do and it’s nothing they did it’s mostly me. It’s like when you have it all it still doesn’t feel like enough or it feels like it should be different and then you think about all the people in the world who are worse off then you and it’s like I probably should stop complaining and suck it up. My mind is always wondering and going into so many different thoughts and scenarios. I’m the happiest when I’m around positivity and around a people who matter to me. “it will get better” my boyfriend says to me every day he says “your dream job will come” I wanna believe that, Hell I want to believe that my sadness will go away and that I will fulfill all the goals that I have too. Some times when I talk to people they say “oh so your just sad about your job” and I’m thinking no it’s way way deeper then that. I wish I could fully explain it but it’s hard to explain and I don’t like opening up to people who clearly will not understand what I’m going through or what I’m dealing with.
I won’t explain to you why I don’t show up for things or why I do some of the things that I do because in all honestly Half the time I’m still trying to figure it out myself. I’m honestly still a work in progress but anyway enough of my rambling and venting I gotta go get myself ready to head out soon so again I’ll be back soon with another post. (Not about my weight or anxiety) something different for a change.
Enjoy your weekend 🙂
I’ve been quiet lately again, honestly haven’t had much to say so I kept quiet for a while but now I’m like well let’s talk might as well tell you where my mind is at.
My mood has been all over the place lately it’s like I’m fighting between being ok and actually really being ok, I feel depressed/sad/anxiety/numb/I don’t even know but my emotions are all over the place and I’m trying to keep it together for my own sanity. I’m dealing with a lot mentally and internally honestly and I haven’t really spoke on it, I mostly been distant because I don’t know what to say and when I do wanna say it, it’s like well maybe I should keep quiet and not say anything.
My thoughts consume me a lot more lately I’m always over thinking and trying to believe that it will all be ok, I’m at a cross roads in my career where I’m like what the hell is next? And then I’m also like I love what I do for a living but currently hate the office I’m at it’s not like I’m not grateful for the opportunity, i was fresh out of school when I got this great opportunity they could of picked Anyone for the job but it was me they wanted and I was thrilled at the time but now two years later I sit here and I’m burnt out and miserable, I want something different and I want to not have to drive and hour everyday to work and home. I like my co workers we have our moments but I’ve grown some what close to them and would miss them but I have to do what’s best for me at this point and the best thing is to leave and start fresh.
What keeps me going..
Honestly at this point the only thing that keeps me going is my daughter, family and my boyfriend but even sometimes it’s hard to wear a smile around them and pretend I’m ok but it’s deeper then that my mind is like a one track race sometimes it’s positive and other times it feeds me so much negativity. I think I’m tired of fighting, I think in my heart happiness is truly all I want I mean I have it in my personal life to a certain extent but is that really enough? I need more, I need to feel ok again. The weird part is I keep going through spells where I’m ok and other moments where I’m not and I’m not sure what is causing it. I blame a lot on my anxiety but sometimes I truly believe I’m depressed too and that’s hard for me to admit.
I’m going to be ok even thought it dosent seem that way, I will be ok. I’ll keep repeating that into existence. I’ve been fighting the urge to see my therapist it’s like do I really want her to see what a mess I’ve become or do I keep dealing with my emotions in silence and wearing a fake smile so the world won’t know anything. Anyway guys I’m going to try to do better with my blogs I really am. I know I keep doing these disappearing acts but I promise to get better. Enjoy your Monday nights and I’ll now be off to relax and watch tv.
I try to always keep a level head, I try to see everyone’s point of view and I try not to do the whole back and fourth arguing with people because it gets us no where. It truly saddens me and breaks my heart to see people with mental illnesses shaming other people who have mental illnesses like what the hell? How dare someone who suffers shame another person dealing with the same thing. You cannot tell someone else’s story when your not in that persons shoes.
People always say to me “oh you look so happy”, “your always so pulled together” or “are you ever sad” the truth is so much goes through my head daily I’m happy some days other days I’m depressed and my anxiety is all over the place but whenever I’m around people they would never know because I’m so good at covering it up and not letting anyone know I’m broken. People have to realize you can be happy or come off happy to others and still not be ok. Last weekend, I was with my boyfriend and I was telling him a story on how I was driving and I had this image of a cliff and I was falling off the cliff and my (child’s father) was on the top and he was holding on to my hand and I was so miserable and wanted to get away from him in my mind, I wanted him to let me fall. The whole time I’m telling my boyfriend this story he was in shock he couldn’t believe that my mind went to that place. Certain things/people can trigger my anxiety so bad and those are the people I cannot be around.
I was on twitter last night and someone who suffered from depression stated that a friend saw them out and said “you don’t look depressed to me” then it started the question in the comments “what does depression, look like?” The answer to that is clear, depression doesn’t have a look to it someone can be so happy and still be miserable at the same time. It’s not nice or kind to try to diagnose someone or tell them what they have or don’t have you may not understand what that person is going through but it doesn’t give you the right to judge them or make them feel even worse about it. Treat others the way you want someone to treat you.
I feel like some people get picked on over and over for things they have done or not done and it’s not ok, you have to realize someone with a mental illness does not have the same mind set as someone who doesn’t so to those who don’t get it at all, I suggest you educate yourself or start off by asking questions before you jump to conclusions or start diagnosing someone. Everyone’s mind is different and everyone thinks differently but it doesn’t make them not human we all bleed the same, we all feel the same pain we’re a lot more alike then different in some ways. I also will say please don’t jump on the bandwagon, I hate when I read a comment that’s negative online and then a bunch of other people will comment negativity and in my mind, I’m like aren’t you the same person who wrote something positive a minute ago like please have a mind of your own is all I’m saying even if it means standing alone. “If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything” great quote by Alexander Hamilton and it speaks volumes especially for the society we live in today.
I speak on mental illness so much now since starting this blog, because I’m realizing how important it is and that everyone needs a voice to be heard, it was always important to me but I never really had a platform to speak about it on and now with my blogging, I can use my voice and stand for what I believe in. My biggest thing is more people should be educated on it so when situations arise they know how to handle them or they aren’t mis informed. I see so much bullying when it comes to these type of stigmas and it’s sad because we should be coming together not being against one another. I wanna continue to use my voice and speak on my experiences and hopefully it will help others.
It’s Sunday it’s relaxation day so I won’t keep going on with my rant but I’m sure you get the point so display some love today and relax before work Monday. I’m off to the store with my daughter now ✌️😊