anxiety, weight loss/Healthy food choices

Weight loss update|Life!

I’m so sorry guys, I know I was suppose to update a couple of days ago, well life caught me and I got busy 😩 but I’m back today. I have been working on my weight loss as you can tell by previous post and let’s just say it’s working so well I have to credit it to hard work but also www.sparkpeople.com yes this app has helped me so much with eating right and the recipes are great. So I started off at 139 and I’m now 133. (After I had my daughter I was 145 and then got in to the 130’s but gained my weight back) I was shocked when I stepped on the scale and seen that. I wanna keep going to get down to 122. I literally haven’t been that small since 2014 also guys make sure your doing it healthy don’t do anything crazy to lose weight. I literally eat 3 meals a day and when I do snack it’s always something healthy. I will keep you posted on more of my weight loss and also on once I hit my goal weight how I’ll maintain it. I haven’t been going to the gym as much either here lately so gotta get back on track with that.

Life..

Ok so my life has been pretty ok, I still feel sad sometimes and depressed here and there and my job tends to give me a hell of a lot of anxiety here lately so I’m still in the process of looking for another job trying to be positive about it all. Once I get my new insurance I’m also going to start back seeing my therapist so that should be interesting, the goal here is to not allow my anxiety to take over but it’s hard some days are better then others. I still have those moments where being alone is all I want to do. I get invited to so many events or places and turn them down because I’m so use to being alone and I’ve become such a loner to be honest so I’m working on getting out the house more and trying to be more social but sometimes it’s like no thanks I’ll stay home today. Well it’s Saturday so I’ll get out for a little while today I’m taking my daughter out for shopping to get her more clothes and I’m going to do some Christmas shopping (I know it’s early but I rather start now then late) I always do my shopping early.

I still wanna get away but where the hell would I go? I still wish starting over was an option well maybe it still is but geez do I really wanna move away and leave my friends and family behind? Sometimes I do and it’s nothing they did it’s mostly me. It’s like when you have it all it still doesn’t feel like enough or it feels like it should be different and then you think about all the people in the world who are worse off then you and it’s like I probably should stop complaining and suck it up. My mind is always wondering and going into so many different thoughts and scenarios. I’m the happiest when I’m around positivity and around a people who matter to me. “it will get better” my boyfriend says to me every day he says “your dream job will come” I wanna believe that, Hell I want to believe that my sadness will go away and that I will fulfill all the goals that I have too. Some times when I talk to people they say “oh so your just sad about your job” and I’m thinking no it’s way way deeper then that. I wish I could fully explain it but it’s hard to explain and I don’t like opening up to people who clearly will not understand what I’m going through or what I’m dealing with.

I won’t explain to you why I don’t show up for things or why I do some of the things that I do because in all honestly Half the time I’m still trying to figure it out myself. I’m honestly still a work in progress but anyway enough of my rambling and venting I gotta go get myself ready to head out soon so again I’ll be back soon with another post. (Not about my weight or anxiety) something different for a change.

Enjoy your weekend πŸ™‚

anxiety

My mind lately..

I’ve been quiet lately again, honestly haven’t had much to say so I kept quiet for a while but now I’m like well let’s talk might as well tell you where my mind is at.

My feelings..

My mood has been all over the place lately it’s like I’m fighting between being ok and actually really being ok, I feel depressed/sad/anxiety/numb/I don’t even know but my emotions are all over the place and I’m trying to keep it together for my own sanity. I’m dealing with a lot mentally and internally honestly and I haven’t really spoke on it, I mostly been distant because I don’t know what to say and when I do wanna say it, it’s like well maybe I should keep quiet and not say anything.

My thoughts..

My thoughts consume me a lot more lately I’m always over thinking and trying to believe that it will all be ok, I’m at a cross roads in my career where I’m like what the hell is next? And then I’m also like I love what I do for a living but currently hate the office I’m at it’s not like I’m not grateful for the opportunity, i was fresh out of school when I got this great opportunity they could of picked Anyone for the job but it was me they wanted and I was thrilled at the time but now two years later I sit here and I’m burnt out and miserable, I want something different and I want to not have to drive and hour everyday to work and home. I like my co workers we have our moments but I’ve grown some what close to them and would miss them but I have to do what’s best for me at this point and the best thing is to leave and start fresh.

What keeps me going..

Honestly at this point the only thing that keeps me going is my daughter, family and my boyfriend but even sometimes it’s hard to wear a smile around them and pretend I’m ok but it’s deeper then that my mind is like a one track race sometimes it’s positive and other times it feeds me so much negativity. I think I’m tired of fighting, I think in my heart happiness is truly all I want I mean I have it in my personal life to a certain extent but is that really enough? I need more, I need to feel ok again. The weird part is I keep going through spells where I’m ok and other moments where I’m not and I’m not sure what is causing it. I blame a lot on my anxiety but sometimes I truly believe I’m depressed too and that’s hard for me to admit.

Conclusion..

I’m going to be ok even thought it dosent seem that way, I will be ok. I’ll keep repeating that into existence. I’ve been fighting the urge to see my therapist it’s like do I really want her to see what a mess I’ve become or do I keep dealing with my emotions in silence and wearing a fake smile so the world won’t know anything. Anyway guys I’m going to try to do better with my blogs I really am. I know I keep doing these disappearing acts but I promise to get better. Enjoy your Monday nights and I’ll now be off to relax and watch tv.

mental health

This truly makes me sad..

I try to always keep a level head, I try to see everyone’s point of view and I try not to do the whole back and fourth arguing with people because it gets us no where. It truly saddens me and breaks my heart to see people with mental illnesses shaming other people who have mental illnesses like what the hell? How dare someone who suffers shame another person dealing with the same thing. You cannot tell someone else’s story when your not in that persons shoes.

People always say to me “oh you look so happy”, “your always so pulled together” or “are you ever sad” the truth is so much goes through my head daily I’m happy some days other days I’m depressed and my anxiety is all over the place but whenever I’m around people they would never know because I’m so good at covering it up and not letting anyone know I’m broken. People have to realize you can be happy or come off happy to others and still not be ok. Last weekend, I was with my boyfriend and I was telling him a story on how I was driving and I had this image of a cliff and I was falling off the cliff and my (child’s father) was on the top and he was holding on to my hand and I was so miserable and wanted to get away from him in my mind, I wanted him to let me fall. The whole time I’m telling my boyfriend this story he was in shock he couldn’t believe that my mind went to that place. Certain things/people can trigger my anxiety so bad and those are the people I cannot be around.

I was on twitter last night and someone who suffered from depression stated that a friend saw them out and said “you don’t look depressed to me” then it started the question in the comments “what does depression, look like?” The answer to that is clear, depression doesn’t have a look to it someone can be so happy and still be miserable at the same time. It’s not nice or kind to try to diagnose someone or tell them what they have or don’t have you may not understand what that person is going through but it doesn’t give you the right to judge them or make them feel even worse about it. Treat others the way you want someone to treat you.

I feel like some people get picked on over and over for things they have done or not done and it’s not ok, you have to realize someone with a mental illness does not have the same mind set as someone who doesn’t so to those who don’t get it at all, I suggest you educate yourself or start off by asking questions before you jump to conclusions or start diagnosing someone. Everyone’s mind is different and everyone thinks differently but it doesn’t make them not human we all bleed the same, we all feel the same pain we’re a lot more alike then different in some ways. I also will say please don’t jump on the bandwagon, I hate when I read a comment that’s negative online and then a bunch of other people will comment negativity and in my mind, I’m like aren’t you the same person who wrote something positive a minute ago like please have a mind of your own is all I’m saying even if it means standing alone. “If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything” great quote by Alexander Hamilton and it speaks volumes especially for the society we live in today.

I speak on mental illness so much now since starting this blog, because I’m realizing how important it is and that everyone needs a voice to be heard, it was always important to me but I never really had a platform to speak about it on and now with my blogging, I can use my voice and stand for what I believe in. My biggest thing is more people should be educated on it so when situations arise they know how to handle them or they aren’t mis informed. I see so much bullying when it comes to these type of stigmas and it’s sad because we should be coming together not being against one another. I wanna continue to use my voice and speak on my experiences and hopefully it will help others.

It’s Sunday it’s relaxation day so I won’t keep going on with my rant but I’m sure you get the point so display some love today and relax before work Monday. I’m off to the store with my daughter now ✌️😊

anxiety

Stress|what helps me?

In life we all go through things weather it be in our personal life or professional life,we all deal with things and sometimes, we don’t always know how to handle our problems or even what to do when things in our lives get to be too much. I though it would be great to talk about it and also share some of my tips on how, I deal with stressful situations.

Anxiety..

It’s no secret that anxiety plays a big part in my life and it can definitely make stressful situations worse at times but, I will never shy away from this topic because it’s all about helping others and I want anyone out there who is suffering to know it does get better and you are not alone. My anxiety lately has been pretty good honestly and it’s been great for me and I’m learning still everyday how to deal with stressful situations, although it’s hard sometimes but as alway I’ll never give up ever.

Tips that help stress(what helps me)

Remember everyone handles stress differently so what works for me may not work for you.

Let’s get started..

1.spending time with my daughter-

this is one of the biggest things to help me, my daughter is my world and I love coming home to spend time with her and play in her room or eating ice cream this is definitely a good stress reliever, she always takes my mind off anything going on around me everyday and she makes me feel better when she gives me kisses and hugs,she will take her little hand and pat me on the back it’s cute πŸ™‚

2. Going out of town-

As you know my boyfriend lives two hours away, so I don’t get to see him as often as we both would like but whenever,I do go out of town to see him it helps me a lot because getting away from my home town is much needed sometimes, like when I had my recent situation with my child’s father unfortunately, it helped me a lot going to see my boyfriend and talking about it with him while he held me and listen to me vent for hours, he definitely loves me he has too, i talk his head off every chance I get. It’s funny because his very private and quiet and laid back and I’m the complete opposite but he evens me out( sorry for going off topic) you get the point.

3.watching my favorite show-

I love tv, I’m always glued to the television after a long day of work, usually watching cartoons with my daughter or watching something that I like, when I get off at 5 I always tune in to judge Mathis, I love court shows and I love seeing how the cases turn out, theirs also this new show on fox called “Rel” I watch and it’s really good and funny also,I like that new show on CBS called “neighbors” don’t quote me on it because the title is probably wrong but it has Cedric the entertainer in it, it’s very funny and of course I like a few reality tv shows or I’ll watch something on YouTube, Netflix or Hulu.

4.Reading a book/writing novels-

I love love to read like my name should be attached to Barnes and noble because I’m always there reading and I love the way the coffee smell hits me soon as the door opens, I could live in a bookstore literally. I read all kinds of books ranging from romance, to mystery to non fiction or fiction really whatever catches my eye. I also love to write novels ,so I have a bunch of stories I’ve written on my lap top and I have only let one person read them. it’s crazy but I’m funny about who reads my work, I don’t wanna jinx my work plus I have to make sure it’s good before anyone else can read it. Reading is always good for the soul it relaxes you and you get to zone out for a while.

5.taking my anxiety meds-

Let’s be clear these are only taken on a day where,I literally cannot handle anything and I have to be able to control myself or my thoughts so, I grab my pills and relax usually my medicine stays in my purse because, it’s always good to stay prepared I never wanna be away from home with no medicine, so I always make it a point to keep it on me at all times. yes they relax me and help me sleep, I remember the last time taking them my mom pointed out how calm and relaxed it made me, also she said I’m nicer so what does that tell you? But at the same token, I try not to take them everyday because I wanna try to see how my body will react without them but of course most of the time something will happen and then it’s all down hill from there but, yes the goal my doctor always tells me is to have me anxiety free but it’s been years of me dealing with it, so not really sure anything will change but I’m going to stay positive because you never know what can happen.

6. Not letting all the stress over power me-

It’s nothing much we can do when super stressed because we tell ourselves not to think about it but then then we still do it anyway, so the best/last tip I can give you is to let go and let god because it’s not much else you can do, but eventually things will get better in your life, so try not to let it effect you to the point of being depressed or not living your life because no matter what happens in life the world will always keep moving no matter what we have going on,so the best thing you can do is stay positive and count your blessings because it could be worse ,so to anyone out there dealing with stress it will get better I’m speaking it into existence for you, try meditating, yoga, going out with friends, prayer, or whatever works to distract you. You can do it guys I’m rooting for you!

Don’t let stress have you, beat stress up with a smile and positive energy.

anxiety, life

The way I been feeling..

so much has happened in the past couple of weeks I’m feeling really weird about everything to be honest, I’ve held so much in haven’t said a lot about half the things that really bother me, I’m always that girl in the crowd who’s smiling who’s always so put together and people always say to me ” you’re always so happy, are you ever sad, you always smile” the truth is I wear a smile all the time to hide a lot of the things that go through my head or that I’m dealing with. I been feeling so un easy lately like I’m here physically but mentally I’m some where else.

I’ve been dying to tell my boyfriend about my thoughts but honestly his been so busy with work and dealing with his own things so I don’t wanna burden him but inside I’m dying I’m dying to get out I’m dying to tell anyone who will listen about these thoughts. I keep telling him I’m not ok but does he even really hear me, Ive told my mom a little bit and she says “take your anxiety meds you will be ok” I get that helps but what if I don’t wanna feel like a zombie or something I’m not for a day. I’ve been dying to get away so this weekend I’ll go out of town to spend some time with my boyfriend and his family witch I’m looking forward too because I’m in desperate need of a get away maybe I’ll come back and feel better maybe I won’t either way it’s worth a shot.

I been beating myself up about finding a new job trust me I love where I work but I wanna be closer to home driving an hour back and fourth everyday is getting old and taking a toll on me and my car, I’ve had to do so many repairs lately and I’m tired to say the least. I hope some new opportunity will present itself soon as far as my career goes only time will tell have to keep applying for jobs and sit back and wait not only that but my daughters father coming back in my life has been nothing but pure hell and I wish he never came back I’m starting to hate him literally we got into a Hugh argument through text yesterday and it didn’t end well at this point I no longer want him around me or my daughter she has a good life and is loved and I’m done trying with him it’s costing me too much peace and I can’t have my inner peace being destroyed.

I feel broken and I never thought I would say that out loud to be honest, I want everything to be different but it’s not instead it’s the complete opposite and I hate how someone can come into your life and turn it upside down by being an asshole and threatening to do things to you I’ve never dis liked someone so much but it’s ok because the next time we speak it will be through my lawyer because I cannot cannot take it anymore with him, he needs to be taught a lesson and I’m here to be the teacher today. I’m going to try my best to pep up try my best to wear a smile and not let all the drama bring me down but it’s hard sometimes. My anxiety is at an all time high so I do indeed think it’s time to contact my therapist and it’s time for me to get back on my meds for a while until everything dies down. I know I’m going to be ok, I know eventually things will get better and I’m going to keep having hope and stayed prayed up.

Thanks for listening to my long vent guys, I’m going to go lay down now because it’s back to work tomorrow and I have an intern I have to train so gotta get all the rest I can get my sweeties. Enjoy your Sunday! Ps: this post probably won’t go up till Monday.

also I’m feeling a bit better today but last night I was so over it!

anxiety

I’m back/what’s been going on part (2) πŸ’•

The crazy part is as I’m writing this I feel like a zombie I’m drained and tired as hell this week has completely taken me out honestly so much has happened and I feel like I’m losing control of everything, you ever wish for something and when you finally get it, you wish you could call the genie back to get rid of it(watch Aladdin) anyway this whole week my mood has been down the drain and I’m starting to wonder what’s next how much more can I take. Well might as well tell you the rest of what’s been going on with me..

Let’s get started..

So as I said in my last post my child’s father has suddenly popped back up into the picture and honestly it’s been crazy as hell since his been back like let me tell you he is well a little crazy I mean he chooses to pop up when he feels like it and expects me to jump at his every command. We met up today and it went to shit(sorry for my language by the way) he proceeds to tell me how he wants things to be and when he wants to see his daughter and how I need to break up with my boyfriend and be with him, like how delusional is he? I mean seriously you haven’t been in my daughters life for a year and now you wanna play daddy well I can’t say I’m not surprised but it’s crazy how he tries to hug me and touch on me and tell me he wanted me back then he continue to attack my boyfriends character (he doesn’t even know him) I don’t know this whole day has been completely crazy and I’m drained so drained my anxiety also has been at a all time high today I literally cried for no reason earlier plus I had full blown panic attack-before going to meet him is this a sign or what? Either way I feel like crap.

How everyone feels..

No one and I mean no one in my family likes my child’s father it’s a mess they all want him to go away and stay away from my daughter but me on the other hand well I want my daughter to have her father in her life but at the same time I want boundaries and I want us to be able to co parent drama free but we Always bump heads no matter what and it’s crazy, now my boyfriend is mad because he feels like my child’s father shouldn’t pop up when he feels like it or make demands when he hasn’t been here(I’ve never seen him so upset) honestly I wish my child’s father could respect the fact they I’ve moved on and I’m happy without trying to cause any unnecessary drama but it feels like he can’t do that and he seems like he won’t stop at nothing to break my relationship up and I definitely don’t want that. This whole thing is a complete mess and I feel like no matter what I do nobody will be pleased or happy with my decisions. The fact of the matter is I’m stuck with this man for the rest of my life because his in my daughters life and honestly I’m starting to feel trapped.

What’s next..

I honestly wish I knew what to do but I don’t at all and I feel like I’m torn between going back to my therapist or being back on my meds but either way how do I even know any of this will help me or will it get worse. There’s so much at stake here and I wish I knew what to do. I’m hoping that time will eventually let things play out and everything will fall into place but who am I kidding can it really get better from here? I’m honestly feeling like it won’t and the only thing keeping me together is my daughter but I won’t lie I’m slowly slowly going into shut down mode and not dealing with anything, all I can do is pray and hope that he will continue to be a father for my daughter and actually be consistent with being in her life.

Work life..

the same shit is going on that was going on last week nobody changed at all and most of all I’m over adults acting like kids its so annoying and ridiculous but as always I’ve been nice even when I’ve wanted to say more but I’ve remained calm and learned to ignore people who don’t add any value into my life can’t change everybody but I can change how I react to people and situations so I’ll keep you posted on this as ( go back to part 1 post to get the back story on this)

Conclusion

so much has happened since I’ve wrote this and honestly I don’t know what’s next to be honest so as always i will keep you posted on my oh so sweet crazy/fun/ I don’t even know life lol. I had to laugh it’s better then crying.

anxiety

I’m back/what’s been going on (part 1) β€οΈ

Ok guys so I’m back finally, I missed doing this so much, I hope everyone is doing well, I’m finally ready to talk about what’s been going on so let’s get in to it.

Dealing with my dad..

Ok so in a previous post I told you guys my dad and I were closer, well lately it’s been nothing but bickering between him and I, I didn’t feel like he loved me or even cared he was constantly getting on me about every little thing and always telling me how to parent my daughter and honestly that got old quick. I went to my mom and expressed to her that I was tired of it all and that I was done trying to form a relationship with my father, she was not having that so she spoke with him about some of the things that I have been feeling towards him and our relationship, long story short we had a heart to heart and talked, I’m a big baby and I cried and he told me he loved me and we have since been moving towards a good space with each other ( it’s a work in progress) I think with time my dad and I can get back to having that close relationship we once had when I was younger. So I will definitely keep you posted on this and more.

My child’s father coming back into our lives..

In a previous post I stated that I was a single parent because my child’s father choose not to be around well out of the blue I get a text/call from him stating that he wants to be apart of his daughters life now and how he has changed. I’ve been waiting for this moment for a very very long time but it was also scary for me being that I’m in a new relationship and I wasn’t sure how my daughter would even react to meeting him. The conversation started off rocky we weren’t getting along and honestly I was giving up hope but we have turned it around sort of, I clearly have a long way to go before I can trust him or let him be alone with my daughter but we will have to keep trying until everyone is comfortable with it. This has been really hard and it’s causing me to have to re live moments that I personally don’t want too but I will do it all for my daughter. I’m going to hope and pray that he will do right by her and things will move in a good direction so that we can co parent the right way.

My job..

So things at work were going great and then they went left again because in my mind I feel like I’m always being targeted for some reason maybe because I choose to be quiet and stay to myself, so anyway long story short I’m thinking everything is good between me and the girls(co workers) well clearly I was wrong I’m always being blind sighted and it sucks when I’m always being a good person I felt in my eyes if their is a problem why not address me instead of talking about me as if I’m not in the room or proceeding to tell me how to do my job when your not my boss is all I’m saying, I feel as adults it’s ways you handle things and ways you don’t and I’m over being nice to people who clearly don’t deserve it. I have tried to be the bigger person over and over again but it seems to get me no where so I’m at the point of just staying to myself and not dealing with anyone. I will never get why some adults can be so catty and nasty for no reason it’s sad and pathetic to be honest like grow up is all I can say. I want to say more but of course I will reveal more in the part 2 I do on this story.

Conclusion..

Things have been so crazy these past few weeks omg like literally and I’ve been trying to deal with it all and be there for everyone around me at the same time, I won’t lie I’m scared my anxiety is about to flare up again and it’s scaring me because I’ve done so good with the no meds but with all these things going on it’s enough to send me spiraling back into another break down because honestly this is all crazy but all I can do is try to deal with it the best way I know how, also thanks so much for being patient with me during this time. I will definitively be doing a part 2 to this blog post because there is more. Enjoy your weekend guys, sending lots and lots of love your way ❀️

anxiety

Why I been M.I.A/dealing with my anxiety.

First I want to apologize for my absence so much has been going on in my personal life it’s been a rough crazy week, I’ve missed blogging so much it was fun to blog twice a day or once but lately I haven’t been in to it due to personal things going on in my life but I have not forgotten about my blog and will be back to blogging again every day very soon.

Life..

Life has been super crazy for me lately I’m in one of those spells where I wanna shut the world out and be alone in my own little world so I’ve been taking time for myself trying to figure everything out and gather my thoughts. I’m searching for that happy spot right now and i haven’t exactly hit the mark at the moment. I want to go off to an island where no one knows my name and start fresh that would be nice honestly. My thoughts have been racing like crazy and my mind is literally on 10 these past couple of days. It’s hard to process everything to be honest. I have to get back to myself and honestly I don’t know when that will be.

Anxiety..

My anxiety was doing so well and I was proud of myself because things were going great however now it’s back to not being so great. I’ve been dealing with a lot of panic and amongst other things but I won’t let that break me as always, I will survive! I Just need some time to process it all and I will be back to myself so I’ll be taking some much needed down time away and when I come back things will be 100% better and I will be able to blog again like before.

Conclusion..

I will be back to blogging soon, first I have to take care of myself and figure out what’s best for me. I miss this blogging thing so much I really do but I have to get my mind right back first before anything. I’ve posted a few new videos on my YouTube channel so you should go check them out if you wanna see what I’ve been up too. I can’t wait to come back and be better then ever. Enjoy your weekend and do what makes you happy always, I’ll be back soon!

anxiety

My anxiety update/ how I’m feeling lately.

I haven’t really spoke about my anxiety lately or where I’m at with the whole situation, so I wanted to give a mini update on what’s been going on and basically how I’ve been feeling lately towards things in my life.

Let’s get started..

I know the last major anxiety attack that I had was at my job and since then things have been going pretty good for me for the most part, well I take that back I did have a moment recently where I was dealing with a situation with my car, well the other day I’m driving to work and I heard a loud noise in my back seat, the glass in my back window shattered, I was panicking so bad and just grateful my daughter wasn’t in the car so I had to go back home and call out of work and I was car less for two days, thankfully my mom let me borrow her car but I cried for days worrying about how I was going to pay for that on top of my other bills I had to pay.

God worked it out..

Everything ended up being ok guys because I managed to pay that and still got my other bills paid but I won’t lie it lead me into a panic for days worrying about it other then that nothing major has really been going on as always, I take it day by day I’m never really sure what’s going to happen in my day to day life or what could trigger my anxiety but I try not to think too much about it either, it’s easier when I’m keeping busy and not letting outside voices get into my head. I know that no matter what I do, it’s up to me to decided how I want my day to be and the outcome, I’m not saying cut your feelings off but learn to control them and boy can that be hard sometimes for me but I’m a work in progress.

It’s Friday..

Today I’m choosing happiness, I’m choosing to put me first and love me. It’s been a beautiful day so far, I got off work early, picked my daughter up, we played outside and now I’m watching her try to cook in the kitchen with her papa lol she tries my baby has so many talents. Take today and everyday and try to love yourself, learn about you and live in your truth always and don’t let your mental illness bring you down we all have battles we have to defeat but with a level head and support anything is possible so I challenge you today and everyday to find what makes you happy and enjoy the little things because it truly means a lot.

Anything is possible..

Remember guys life is beautiful and we should take advantage of every little opportunity we have. I won’t let my anxiety over take me I won’t let my emotions get the best of me today is a new day and I will enjoy it. So to anyone out there dealing with mental illness or fighting a daily battle you can get through this and I support you. You are loved always and please enjoy your Friday with lots of smiles and love.

It’s the weekend..

πŸŽŠπŸŽ‰πŸ₯‚πŸ˜Š

bullying

Bullying IN the workplace!

Hello, I hope everyone is having a lovely Sunday, as promised I will be sharing my experience with bullying in the work place, I think at one point in time we have all dealt with situations like this at work and it’s all you handle them and how you choose to rise above it. I will never condone bullying in any shape or form period weather it’s at work, school or in a public setting it’s never ok.

My story..

I had my daughter in 2017 of March as I’ve stated in previous post, i worked until February before choosing to take maternity leave but before going out things at my Job were a little rocky. The crazy part is I had a baby shower and of course all my friends and family were there so of course naturally i chose to invite my co workers. The shower went amazing everyone had a great time (during my leave someone was hired to fill in for me) she was ok at the time or at least I thought she was but that’s a whole other story.

Going back to work..

So in May I went back to work thinking everything was going to be great come to find out my position had been given away to the other employee and I was told my job would be the same also they had me in an office doing paper work all day, Everything was different now my boss was mean to me so we’re the other two girls at the desk mind you I never did anything to these girls I hadn’t seen them in months due to having my daughter. It was constant torture having them be mean to me day in and day out at the time my only friend was the phlebotomist who worked in the lab she always took up for me and told me it would be ok( we no longer speak due to unfortunate circumstance but I will tell that story in another post) I was crying all the time, telling my mom how I hated my job it was horrible.

Some things, I wish I did different..

So being petty and fed up I will not lie I did run to Facebook and post some things that I should have not about the girls only because I was fed up at the time I’m not condoning my behavior at all I understand it was wrong, however one of my co workers took it upon herself to tell my boss some things that were said and I ended up in her office we talked I apologize she apologized and we left it there but still the drama continued for a while longer until the phlebotomist quit and then the girl who took my position left work and I got my Original job back.

Where I’m at now..

So basically I’m still at my Job and I love the doctor I work for a lot and I get along with all the girls now,we no longer have any drama everything’s been great, I will say this SOME of the drama was coming from the phlebotomist at the time she was stirring the pot ( a lot of he say she say) and I really believed she was my friend at the time, she turned out not to be it turns out her and the girl who was doing my job were nothing but mean girls scheming together and they both did things that were not nice against me witch is why I choose not to deal with them now at all. They were trying to pit me against my manager and other co workers who I had known way longer.( this still does not excuse the fact that my manager and co workers still played a role here too)

Why I won’t tolerate bullying..

I don’t like bullies and I hate People who bully others it’s not ok ever and all though I have forgiven my co workers, I will never forget what was done to me. You should never ever make someone feel bad about who they are, the situation really messed with my anxiety and took a huge toll on me mentally and physically. so I wish this on no one remember if you are being bullied speak up and say something do not allow it and if you see someone getting bullied you should speak up don’t allow it to keep happening because so many people wait till it’s too late and someone ends up hurt or even dead and that’s never ok, respect each other always.

Stand against bullies please and enjoy your Sunday because it’s back to work tomorrow. So get your rest in.