anxiety, weight loss/Healthy food choices

Weight loss update|Life!

I’m so sorry guys, I know I was suppose to update a couple of days ago, well life caught me and I got busy 😩 but I’m back today. I have been working on my weight loss as you can tell by previous post and let’s just say it’s working so well I have to credit it to hard work but also www.sparkpeople.com yes this app has helped me so much with eating right and the recipes are great. So I started off at 139 and I’m now 133. (After I had my daughter I was 145 and then got in to the 130’s but gained my weight back) I was shocked when I stepped on the scale and seen that. I wanna keep going to get down to 122. I literally haven’t been that small since 2014 also guys make sure your doing it healthy don’t do anything crazy to lose weight. I literally eat 3 meals a day and when I do snack it’s always something healthy. I will keep you posted on more of my weight loss and also on once I hit my goal weight how I’ll maintain it. I haven’t been going to the gym as much either here lately so gotta get back on track with that.

Life..

Ok so my life has been pretty ok, I still feel sad sometimes and depressed here and there and my job tends to give me a hell of a lot of anxiety here lately so I’m still in the process of looking for another job trying to be positive about it all. Once I get my new insurance I’m also going to start back seeing my therapist so that should be interesting, the goal here is to not allow my anxiety to take over but it’s hard some days are better then others. I still have those moments where being alone is all I want to do. I get invited to so many events or places and turn them down because I’m so use to being alone and I’ve become such a loner to be honest so I’m working on getting out the house more and trying to be more social but sometimes it’s like no thanks I’ll stay home today. Well it’s Saturday so I’ll get out for a little while today I’m taking my daughter out for shopping to get her more clothes and I’m going to do some Christmas shopping (I know it’s early but I rather start now then late) I always do my shopping early.

I still wanna get away but where the hell would I go? I still wish starting over was an option well maybe it still is but geez do I really wanna move away and leave my friends and family behind? Sometimes I do and it’s nothing they did it’s mostly me. It’s like when you have it all it still doesn’t feel like enough or it feels like it should be different and then you think about all the people in the world who are worse off then you and it’s like I probably should stop complaining and suck it up. My mind is always wondering and going into so many different thoughts and scenarios. I’m the happiest when I’m around positivity and around a people who matter to me. “it will get better” my boyfriend says to me every day he says “your dream job will come” I wanna believe that, Hell I want to believe that my sadness will go away and that I will fulfill all the goals that I have too. Some times when I talk to people they say “oh so your just sad about your job” and I’m thinking no it’s way way deeper then that. I wish I could fully explain it but it’s hard to explain and I don’t like opening up to people who clearly will not understand what I’m going through or what I’m dealing with.

I won’t explain to you why I don’t show up for things or why I do some of the things that I do because in all honestly Half the time I’m still trying to figure it out myself. I’m honestly still a work in progress but anyway enough of my rambling and venting I gotta go get myself ready to head out soon so again I’ll be back soon with another post. (Not about my weight or anxiety) something different for a change.

Enjoy your weekend 🙂

weight loss/Healthy food choices

Healthy Foods|Favorite recipes.

So, I been on my diet for a week now and I’m enjoying eating healthier and trying to do better all around on this new lifestyle change as I like to call it. I been trying a lot of new foods and great recipes on the “spark people” app so please go check it out. I love this app! It’s helped me out a lot with staying on track. So I’m going to share some of my favorite recipes from the app that I love.

Last nights dinner(Friday):

I made a chicken dish and it was so good, I actually made too much so now leftovers are in the fridge but that’s ok more for me. So for this dish you will need:

1. Flat chicken breast, I used boneless chicken thighs instead.

2.squash, zucchini, potatoes and onions.

3. Add thyme, salt and pepper and a little olive oil.

4. I used a glass dish you can use a foil pan as well.

So I took my glass pan and washed and cleaned the chicken placing it on a separate plate until the veggies were all cut up then, I proceeded to cut up all the veggies and place it into my baking dish I made sure to carefully add the seasonings and then I grabbed my chicken and placed it in the pan adding salt and pepper I added a drop of water to the pan and placed it in the oven on 350. The recipe calls for it to be on 450 but I chose to do 350 and it came out fine. It cooked for an hour covered then I uncovered it and let it cook for 20-25 minutes, took it out of the oven and guys the chicken was so moist and smelled great also my veggies were soft and so good. I loved this dish my mom even ate some with me and though it was good, I gave my daughter some of the chicken too so it all worked out but yes guys this food is so great and it definitely works for anyone trying to lose weight.

Pasta dish (from two days ago)

Ok so this next dish was a meal made two days ago for my dinner, it was so good and it’s light and healthy ok so for this dish you will need:

1.Wheat pasta- it’s better for you then regular pasta also multi grain pasta is great too(I used rotini pasta)

2. I also used tomatoes, carrots and shredded cheese, broccoli and Italian dressing.

Ok guys so of course the first thing I did was boil my pasta and while my pasta was boiling I cut up my tomatoes and carrots and broccoli so when the pasta was done I placed it onto a plate and then proceeded to add the vegetables in, I took my cheese grater and grated the cheese into it as well now some people may not want to eat the pasta like this so you can also keep it in the fridge overnight and then eat it cold as well it’s really up to you. I ate mine without refrigerating and it was still good but next time I’ll do it cold. I used wish bone Italian dressing on it to give it more flavor it doesn’t matter what brand you use whatever you like or what works for you. It was a great dish and healthy also you can add meat in it for my flavor or protein. I choose not too because it was good without it to me.

Breakfast this morning(Saturday):

Ok so this morning I had a great scrambled egg recipe so crazy my dad use to make my eggs this way when I was little and I haven’t done it that way in a long time so for this recipe you need 4 eggs I only used 3 but you take your eggs and you break them in a bowl then you add 1% milk or you can also use almond milk whatever you choose then you add salt/pepper and parsley to the bowl and mix it all together with a spoon or fork, I always use a fork. You also will need a non stick pan and you can add cooking spray so it won’t stick the recipe calls for the stove to be on 6 but I put it on 3 so I added my eggs and then I used a spatula to move them around then I let them sit for a few minutes before moving them around again these eggs don’t take that long and the goal is to have them soft and fluffy so basically this was a quick dish and then i made turkey bacon to go with it. I made some coffee in my Keurig so that was good too.

So I will continue to keep you all updated on my food and weight loss journey also I’ll be doing a post on Monday about an update on “life” and where I’m at with all that. I’ll be doing a weight in on Monday so I’ll share my weight loss so far. Keeping my 🤞 crossed guys. Enjoy your weekend!

Ps: I’m sorry my punctuation sucked in this blog post it’s called rush writing. Oops!

https://www.sparkpeople.com

Great app for weight loss/recipes.

p

weight loss/Healthy food choices

Healthy eating|Back on track.

Ok, so today was my first day back on my diet or shall I say lifestyle change and so far so Good. I’ve stuck to my meal plan all day and haven’t ate anything bad. I was even tempted by cupcakes at work but turned them down and honestly haven’t even really been that hungry today for some reason. I been drinking plenty of water and staying hydrated and busy running around like always. I”ll tell you some of the foods I’ve eaten today and also share this cute recipe I’ve gotten off the new app I’m using to help with my weight loss.

Breakfast-

My meal plan called for me to eat cereal and skim milk but woke up late and was running behind schedule for work so instead I grabbed a mini bagel and ran out the door. My meal plan actually calls for me to eat some carbs and I won’t lie I love bread 😍 but I refuse to eat it all the time it’s not good for you. Bagels are ok eating them plain is best unless you wanna put butter and I suggest using a low fat butter or cream cheese for those that don’t like butter I’m the one over here like yuck because I’m not a fan of cream cheese but to each it’s own.

Lunch..

Another crazy thing happened, I rushed packed a lunch this morning and I didn’t like it so needless to say the only thing I ate was the fruit cup I packed so in the end, I came home and ate a late lunch I had chicken with mix veggies kinda light yet simple. I’m still working on my water intake I been drinking it more but I still feel like I need to up my intake. It will all happen in due time.

Dinner..

My dinner consisted of turkey pork chops yes they make TURKEY pork chops and it’s actually way better/healthier for you. They taste really good baked and fried but of course no more fried food for me so I baked them and then I had greens to go with them and a sweet potato so yes it was yummy, well kind of lol! I mean my body has to adjust to going back to healthy eating but it’s worth it.

Snack-

My snacks today were almonds and pretzels those are also on my meal plan, I never really liked almonds I’m usually eating cashews that’s my favorite but I got a big bag of almonds at Walmart the other day and so now I’m eating almonds and pretzels so it’s good so far also I had a pear a few minutes ago so yeah I haven’t really been super hungry but I’m trying my best to eat all my meals. I’ll probably drink another bottle of water then head to bed soon.

Wanted to share my lunch I made for tomorrow..

Yes I’m excited lol so on the app I’m using they have a selection of recipes you can make/eat so I’m scrolling through the lunch menu section and this chicken salad catches my eye so I wrote down the recipe items and head to my kitchen.

In no way am I trying to take credit for this recipe FYI and I will be putting the link to the website in this post, I actually forgot to do it in my last post sorry!! So if you wanna go check this app out or site out go do it, it’s helpful.

So back to what we were talking about so these are the only items you need to make this.

1.chicken, 2.onions, 3.celery, 4. Light mayo, 5. Pepper, 6. Salt, 7. Lemon juice.

I grabbed a small bowl I cut some chicken up (my chicken was pre cooked) and I added some mayo also (the original recipe called for yogurt but I replaced it with mayo) you stir the mayo into the chicken basically put as much as you like( I don’t like a lot of mayo) so after that I added some onions and celery. Grabbed my lemon juice and put 1/2 in the bowl then added a dash of salt/pepper and wallah you have your simple chicken salad.

Also I’m having yogurt and almonds with my lunch tomorrow.

So today was actually a good day guys I’m trying and as always I’ll keep you updated on my progress so one day down and a lot more to go but it can be done so when you feel like giving up DON’T keep pushing because the end results are worth it. Off to bed for me gotta be up again at 5:30 😦 good night!

https://www.sparkpeople.com

Check them out!

weight loss/Healthy food choices

Weight loss update..

I honestly feel embarrassed even writing about this 🤦‍♀️ it’s crazy to think that things were going so good, my weight was in a good place and I was happy. I think my depression has played a major part in where I am now unfortunately. Food has won and my self control has lost 😐

Where I’m at..

This week has been a world win and I’ve been eating bad unfortunately but I have decided to go back on the meal plan my nutritionist has given me and I’m excited to move forward starting Monday also with the help of my mom who is going to be dieting again with me. Honestly she always does better then me she’s more dedicated, food and I have always had a rocky relationships their are times when I’m eating good and other times where food is really not my best friend. I do always accept responsibility for any mistakes I make or bad decisions that may occur in my life. I’m trying my best to get out of the space I’m in right now and trying my best to slip out of the depression and get back on track.

What’s next for me..

The only thing at this point that can be done is me striving to do my best again. I’m going to regain my strength and regain my power back and get my life back the way it was before everything went left. I’m actually proud of myself though since I’ve gone grocery shopping today and rid my refrigerator of all the bad foods so I’m excited about going back to healthy eating also I’m going to be back in the gym next week and I’m thinking about getting a trainer for the extra help. I downloaded a new app on my phone to help with my eating as well ,I’ll put the link at the end of the post but so far I like it a lot it actually will generate and make your meal plans for you also it’s great because you can blog post your journey on it and post pictures and talk to people from all over the world who are trying to lose weight so that’s great motivation.

Conclusion..

I’m definitely going to do more post to keep you updated on my weight loss journey and to kind of document it for you guys. I’m going to share the foods I’m eating and the exercises that I’m doing and different recipes. This is a little off topic but after having my daughter I was 145 pounds and I remember losing weight and getting down to 133 or so and I was happy and then the weight came back after a while and I lost it again and of course now it’s back again to 139 and I was 133/134 last. I know to most reading this your going to be like stop bitching that’s nothing just a couple of pounds but to me it’s a lot I’m really insecure about my body a lot and In the past it has lead me to starving myself and not treating my body good. It’s really about a lifestyle change and being healthy for not only me but for my daughter.

More talk..

Again I also wanna apologize for my bad blog posting lately funny thing is I wrote part of this post four days ago and then saved it as a draft and never got back to writing more on it until today. I’m trying guys I’m trying again my mind is still all over the place and I’m trying my best to come back to being myself but I will try my hardest to blog more.

Enjoy your Saturday and relax because Monday is coming soon. Thanks for reading my crazy rant. It’s time to get back to relaxing.

mental health

This truly makes me sad..

I try to always keep a level head, I try to see everyone’s point of view and I try not to do the whole back and fourth arguing with people because it gets us no where. It truly saddens me and breaks my heart to see people with mental illnesses shaming other people who have mental illnesses like what the hell? How dare someone who suffers shame another person dealing with the same thing. You cannot tell someone else’s story when your not in that persons shoes.

People always say to me “oh you look so happy”, “your always so pulled together” or “are you ever sad” the truth is so much goes through my head daily I’m happy some days other days I’m depressed and my anxiety is all over the place but whenever I’m around people they would never know because I’m so good at covering it up and not letting anyone know I’m broken. People have to realize you can be happy or come off happy to others and still not be ok. Last weekend, I was with my boyfriend and I was telling him a story on how I was driving and I had this image of a cliff and I was falling off the cliff and my (child’s father) was on the top and he was holding on to my hand and I was so miserable and wanted to get away from him in my mind, I wanted him to let me fall. The whole time I’m telling my boyfriend this story he was in shock he couldn’t believe that my mind went to that place. Certain things/people can trigger my anxiety so bad and those are the people I cannot be around.

I was on twitter last night and someone who suffered from depression stated that a friend saw them out and said “you don’t look depressed to me” then it started the question in the comments “what does depression, look like?” The answer to that is clear, depression doesn’t have a look to it someone can be so happy and still be miserable at the same time. It’s not nice or kind to try to diagnose someone or tell them what they have or don’t have you may not understand what that person is going through but it doesn’t give you the right to judge them or make them feel even worse about it. Treat others the way you want someone to treat you.

I feel like some people get picked on over and over for things they have done or not done and it’s not ok, you have to realize someone with a mental illness does not have the same mind set as someone who doesn’t so to those who don’t get it at all, I suggest you educate yourself or start off by asking questions before you jump to conclusions or start diagnosing someone. Everyone’s mind is different and everyone thinks differently but it doesn’t make them not human we all bleed the same, we all feel the same pain we’re a lot more alike then different in some ways. I also will say please don’t jump on the bandwagon, I hate when I read a comment that’s negative online and then a bunch of other people will comment negativity and in my mind, I’m like aren’t you the same person who wrote something positive a minute ago like please have a mind of your own is all I’m saying even if it means standing alone. “If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything” great quote by Alexander Hamilton and it speaks volumes especially for the society we live in today.

I speak on mental illness so much now since starting this blog, because I’m realizing how important it is and that everyone needs a voice to be heard, it was always important to me but I never really had a platform to speak about it on and now with my blogging, I can use my voice and stand for what I believe in. My biggest thing is more people should be educated on it so when situations arise they know how to handle them or they aren’t mis informed. I see so much bullying when it comes to these type of stigmas and it’s sad because we should be coming together not being against one another. I wanna continue to use my voice and speak on my experiences and hopefully it will help others.

It’s Sunday it’s relaxation day so I won’t keep going on with my rant but I’m sure you get the point so display some love today and relax before work Monday. I’m off to the store with my daughter now ✌️😊

Food/Drink

My favorite drinks..

So, I’m always talking about things that I eat or don’t eat all the time but I’ve never talked about what I drink ever so why not do it now, i don’t drink soda or juice so that won’t be on the menu but of course everything else will. So as always let’s get started.

Water-

Is the main thing I drink everyday pretty much, I’m still struggling on drinking 6 bottles a day guys it’s so hard I’m lucky to make 3 or 4 a day but I’m trying, gotta keep pushing also I like green tea a lot so I put packets of it in my water. Water enhancer is also really good it’s not juice but it gives your water a little more flavor for people who don’t like water this will help you a lot so try it. Water keeps your body hydrated so try to drink a bottle or two a day to start out and work your way up.

Example: 👆

Green tea..

I absolutely love tea it’s my kryptonite literally, I drink it everyday day or every other day I know my dad tells me I’m addicted lol no but really I am honestly I love tea, somehow my daughter loves tea too and I’m trying to break her from it because she wants it every time she sees me with it. Green tea is good for weight loss and it helps burn fat( My nutritionist told me this) when I first came to her. So I suggest trying some green tea you can drink it hot or cold I prefer cold, I get the 12 pack of Lipton diet tea from Walmart. It’s only 4.99 but I also have the tea bags at home as well.

Coffee..

I love coffee, I also love the smell when I’m making it in the kitchen. I usually do decaf but mostly I use my keurig that my dad got me for Christmas it’s red my favorite color too, I put all my favorite ones in and make great coffee also I love Starbucks but the only time I actually get drinks from there is when my job gets it or if someone buys it for me, I literally never have time to drink coffee or go to Starbucks like I want too and it’s crazy because it’s one right down the street from my house yikes!!! I know I could actually go but I don’t. Coffee is also good for you as well but try to drink the decaf because all that caffeine is not good for the body.

Milk..

I love milk didn’t always use too but now my favorite milk is skim milk and lately I’ve also gotten into drinking almond milk with coconut it’s so good guys and way healthier for you trust me your body will thank you, I usually get my milk from Walmart they have the brand that, I like. Try drinking this for breakfast or even going to bed it will help you sleep better at night warm a glass up and drink it and you will sleep like a baby.

Orange juice..

I don’t drink orange juice all the time because I don’t drink juice but there is one that my grandpa use to buy all the time that is really good for you and has less calories in it and less sugar. So when I do drink a glass of orange juice it’s rare but every now and then I drink it with my breakfast. It’s a good source of vitamin D and great for calcium intake and taste ok for the most part.

Conclusion..

This are the drinks that I have started drinking since cutting out soda and juice so yep nothing too special but I will say once you cut out juice and soda the less sugar you take in your body will thank you and you will start to lose some weight along with a good meal plan.

Lifestyle

Women to women|Coming together.

It’s crazy because, I originally was going to do another post but instead I ended up picking this topic because day in and day out, I see so much bickering between women and it’s sad that as women we tend to pit ourselves against each other or down one another. we’re our own worse enemy and can’t even see it, it’s bad enough some(keyword some because not all men do this) men put us down but then we turn around and do it to ourselves and I can’t seem to understand why? I’ve watched another women go to another women’s page just to comment on a picture they didn’t like or to tear that women down for no reason at all, how do you sleep at night? And then the main ones that get me are the ones that put “child of god” in their bio like please that has to be a sick joke you cannot call yourself such a thing mean while your putting someone else down or name calling someone and I agree everyone has the right to their own opinion but there’s a difference, when it’s coming from a good place or when your just being plain nasty for no reason.

My experience..

I’ve never really fit into the in crowd, I’ve never been miss popularity but at the same time I’ve never felt the need to be anyone but me, I was bullied all through school by the mean girls as we call them. I never understood why someone can be so cruel, I was name called and told I was ugly, fat, and stupid by girls who didn’t even know me and their words started to eat at me as I got older and I started to believe it to a certain extent witch lead me down a path of destruction, starving myself, going days with no food and exercising constantly, hating the person behind the mirror. It’s weird to say those same girls now are fake friendly whenever they see me out but of course I never forget, my cousins ex also use to bully me in school and then turned around and tried to be nice to me because she was dating him. I can forgive a lot of things but trust me this girl will never forget.

The things I see.

I’m randomly on instagram today and as usual I’m scrolling down my time line and also looking at the search section where they show a bunch of pictures of celebrities, it saddens me to see so many women downing other women or saying ignorant things to be mean for no reason,like what is your motive? I honestly feel a lot of it is jealousy and the other part is women not liking who they are, self esteem is definitely a killer and will have you hating who you are, I’ve been there before. I will say this it’s no ones problem because you don’t like who you are and you should not treat others like shit because you don’t love yourself, it’s up to you to fix the broken pieces in you and get yourself together but don’t down another women or another person in general because you don’t like the shoes your in. I have to give tough love in this post for so many reasons because this is seen so much and it shouldn’t be.

Things to work on..

If you or anyone you know is that girl, I will say this it’s not too late to change who you are, and the next time you get online or even in person and see something you don’t like, keep scrolling it’s not hard, I do it all the time. I think as women we should always back each other the world we live in is already cold enough so why down one another. We have this new “me too” movement in place witch is suppose to be women empowerment yet still in some ways we have a long way to go as far as coming together but that’s a whole other topic. I truly encourage you to love on one another and treat each other the way you want to be treated stop putting others down and love yourself and the next time you think about saying something mean turn it into a positive.

Conclusion..

We have to stick together and show love each time we get a chance, so women even men let’s rise above the drama and be better than ever. I challenge you to go out today/tomorrow and say something nice to someone you love.

Lifestyle

Eating habits..

I’m always trying to eat healthy and put the right foods in my body but sometimes, I do have my cheat days and slips ups here and there, I will say my body feels better since I’ve stopped eating beef/pork but now I’m questioning should I cut meat out all together? I’m glad to say my family is actually on board with my new eating habits, they have been eating some of the same foods I’ve been eating or they will cook something separate for me.

This weekend, I went out of town. I’m visiting with my boyfriend and honestly we ate a lot of fast food yuck 🤢 so my boyfriend lives alone so of course he doesn’t cook a lot he usually eats out more unless I go with him to the store. So we ate at this Japanese restaurant and honestly I felt so sick eating the chicken I’m not sure why but it made me want to vomit literally and in that moment all I could think was “should I stop eating meat” it was gross to be honest. Then I asked my boyfriend what would you think if I went vegetarian he smiled of course and said he wouldn’t care but I don’t know guys and of course I get home and my mom has baked chicken for me of course I wanted to scream lol because I’m like no more chicken.

I proceed to try her food and my stomach was fine (nope I’m not pregnant) just putting that out there. I don’t know it was weird and then to top it off I had a bad dream last night and in the dream my doctor is telling me to stop eating meat so crazy I know literally so yes with that being said I’m not sure if this is a sign or what but I’m definitely a believer in signs. I’m not sure what to do next at all but, I do know I will continue on eating the way I am for now until I decide on going vegetarian/vegan.

On that note..

Lately I’ve been eating some good food, so I will tell you some of the foods I’ve eaten and liked also trying to keep this short and simple plus sweet lol.

1.cheese 🍕

Ok so I never have liked cheese pizza I’m always use to eating supreme or pepperoni and sausage well the other week they catered to my Job and I tried it and it was so good guys like melted in my mouth good and I can’t wait to try cheese pizza again, it was actually better with no meat.

2.Bread 🍞

So I know bread is fattening but I absolutely love it so much with a dab of fat free butter its so yummy, my dad buys red lobster biscuits and makes them at home sooo good.

3. Mixed 🌽

Let me tell you guys mixed vegetables is becoming my new thing to eat it’s so good to me I love when it’s mixed with broccoli, zucchini, squash, potatoes and carrots, it’s so so good guys. I’m telling you!

4. Mixed 🍉

So for the last couple of days I been making fruit bowls every night before bed, last night I made a bowl of strawberries, berries, and grapes it was so good I even made one for my mom and daughter she loves grapes that’s one of the many fruits that I can actually get her to eat.

Conclusion..

I’m weird when it comes to food and picky sometimes so this process will take some time but for now I’m going to continue to be happy with my eating habits until I decide what’s next for me.

Thanks for listening to my crazy rant about food guys. I’m about to get off work and enjoy the rest of my Monday 🙂

Addiction

The truth, I never told!

So many things have happened in my life and I’ve kept them bottled up scared and fearful of the outcome but in doing this blog I’m finding out it’s easier to talk about the things that I’ve never said out loud so I wanna walk in my truth and tell a story that has never really been told so in a previous post I talked about my abusive relationship but it goes deeper then that.

Before I go to deep..

The idea for doing this kind of post came from me watching a show on Vice-land called “dope sick nation” it’s such a good show about the drug epidemic in Florida, it features two people Allie and Frankie who are trying to help addicts get clean and in to rehab it’s such a good show it will keep you on your toes and yes grab a tissue because it will make you cry at some scenes so please go check this show out it comes on every Wednesday at 9 or 10 I believe so go check your local channel listings for it.

Let’s get started..

I use to watch my ex all the time he seemed so put together but he wasn’t at all, he would drink now and then and I would drink with him sometimes and in the beginning I never saw any drug problems until one day he had friends over and I saw him start popping pills it shocked me at first and I asked him did he do this all the time he laughed and said no here and there so I believe him but as time went on he would always call his “dealer” to come over and bring him whatever he needed he would pay him 100 dollars sometimes even more for pills to snort or take to feel high all the time.

His world vs mine..

I tried my best to understand him and understand why he was like this but at the time I couldn’t. We spent many nights indulging in alcohol he even had me taking his pills, the difference was he was addicted and I wasn’t. I could stop anytime I wanted, he couldn’t it was obvious. the many days he spent sick when he didn’t have his prescription pills or his alcohol he would ponder back and fourth around the house trying to figure out how he could call someone and how he could get more alcohol and more pills. I remember every weekend feeling like a party everyone he hung out with was hooked on something and it was nothing new to them. I was lost in a world that I clearly knew nothing about it and it scared me.

His friend..

He has a friend that was hooked on every drug you could think of but of course it was normal to them, he would come over and talk to us now and then, he would talk about wanting to get out start Fresh how he was tired of the lifestyle he wanted out, he eventually went off to rehab and once he was back home he got sucked in to the lifestyle again this time was different. I remember getting a phone call from my ex telling me his friend had passed away apparent drug over dose he seemed scared like maybe he wanted to change his life around maybe he wanted to do better.

The outcome..

I honestly don’t know weather he is still doing drugs because we no longer speak but I can say I have not drink alcohol(I drink wine but nothing past that) or taking any pills since we broke up in 2015/2016 so yes addiction is real guys and to anyone out there dealing with someone on drugs please be patient with that person and try to help them the best way you know how, addiction is not easy and someone will not change unless they are ready to change remember that, you can still be there for them.

I’ve never told this story out loud before so I’m glad it’s out now and I hope it helps someone out there, please love yourself guys and also I’m sorry this is going up late I’ve been out of town all weekend.

relationships

Bad relationships/why do we stay?

The reason I’m making this blog post is because we all have that one friend or family member who has been with the wrong guy or girl and we continue to tell them over and over it’s not going to work but to them we sound crazy and should mind our business, well today at work we had girl talk and of course the topic of discussion was relationships and how we feel about certain things that men/women tend to do and why do we stay sometimes even when we’re miserable.

Let’s get started..

So one of my co workers is currently dealing with a relationship dilemma,she’s not sure weather she should leave her relationship or stay. she’s not happy but doesn’t want to leave him “when his down” as she says and honestly I think a lot of women feel this way, I know I’ve stayed in many bad relationships because, I thought I loved that person and I thought things Would work out but it didn’t and it left me stuck and full of emotions and trying to figure out how to deal with them. So then poses the question is love really enough? Honestly in my opinion it’s not you can love the hell out of someone but love is not going to keep me there especially when I’m miserable and unhappy. I’ve learned that I have to love me first and do what makes me happy.

Let’s dig deeper..

In all my past relationships I wasn’t happy with myself and it caused me to cling to the wrong type of men,in my mind they loved me but it wasn’t love at all it was me being stuck in bad situations and thinking it was enough when clearly it wasn’t, I was always finding myself pondering back and fourth trying to please others over myself and no matter how many times i got hurt it never stopped me from giving love a try again even though in my mind it was clear what the outcome would be, my heart indured so much pain and it cause me more heartache then anything and it honestly wasn’t worth it in the end. I will also add this if you feel like you have to cheat on your partner because they are not giving you attention or you are that miserable being with them, my biggest suggestion is move on and leave them don’t hurt that person because you are hurting that’s make no sense to me at all and I seen it happen to many time with friends or people I know so leave the situation don’t make things even worse.

When do we start to love us enough..

It really breaks my heart to see women even men with the wrong person and watch them waste their time so many times over and over and at some point we have to have that self love for ourselves because when we don’t it turns in to us picking the wrong person to be with, I’m always challenging people around me to stay single and focus on themselves until they really know what they want and can find self love first before beginning to love another person. In the end it causes a lot of unresolved problems and causes us to resent that person even though we had a choice to leave or stay. I watch my co worker talk daily about her relationship and anything you say to her she gets mad because she has talked herself into being happy when in reality she’s not she vents and complains to us daily and we give her advice but she never takes it and in no way shape or form am I degrading her or trying to make her look like a bad person because trust me I’ve been that girl before in relationships I more so wanted to use her story as an example to help others because we have all been there at one point in time.

Conclusion..

At the end of the day I hate to say it but we only have ourselves to blame when we choose to be in bad relationships with the wrong person because the door is always open but we chose to leave it closed. I hope that this helps someone out there know that you are loved and the right person is coming to you so be patient and keep being you also don’t jump too quick into relationships without knowing more about the person and always always make sure to love you first. I’m rooting for each and every one of you and I know things will be ok. Stay positive my sweeties.

I have to get back to work now we’re starting to get busy ✌️