panic attacks

Anxiety attack: story time.

mental health

I’m always honest with you, I’m always going to tell you the truth and be opened minded when it comes to my mental Illness, Sunday night was so bad for me and honestly it hasn’t been like that in a long time for me. I’m hopeful this won’t happen again and that no matter what as always I’ll remain positive.

I was on the phone with my mom talking and apparently my dad thought it was ok to insert himself into our conversation because he didn’t like what was being said, needless to say it lead to a Hugh argument between him and I and it was very upsetting because at the time my mood was good and he had not too long ago gotten in from church,so I’m assuming he would of been in a decent mood. We got into a yelling match and it was horrible, so the end result was me walking out the living room and back in to my bedroom.

My mom was still on the phone with me and I broke down crying, could not breath, couldn’t even get my words out and felt like all control was gone at that point, my mom proceeded to stay on the phone with me and keep talking to me to calm me down she even got on my dad and explain to him that his behavior was unnecessary, yet I still don’t think my father gets it, he does not fully understand what it’s like to be me, I was basically minding my business yesterday and then some how I’m getting attacked for no reason. My dad and I are not as close as we use to be the years have drifted us apart of course I love him and I am grateful to even have a father but at the same time it’s frustrating trying to deal with negativity sometimes.

Being a single parent, my parents have done so much to help me and I’m grateful, I think it’s time for me to get my own place, I need my own space and my own privacy to get away plus I plan on living with my boyfriend soon so it’s better for me to spread my wings and leave. My father has since apologized but it’s still that weird feeling and those weird awkward conversations between us and honestly he may be sorry but I’m done with trying to be close to my father and I’m done trying to get him to fully understand me and my mental Illness at this point it all seems hopeless and I’m drained and tired.

I’m looking forward to going out of town this weekend to be with my boyfriend to get away for a while and clear my head. I wish this thing wasn’t bugging me so much but no matter what words tend to stick with us the most and when it’s people we love that hurts even more. I’m working on finding a balance and finding a peaceful place to go too and not allowing anything or anyone to bring me down. I will continue to pray that the world be more open minded and that the stigma of mental illness will eventually be broken, so more people understand it. I’m still Hurt and maybe a little fragile but the one thing I’m never going to be is broken.

If no one supports you or loves you, I do and I’m here for anyone. Let’s keep pushing and keep smiling and know we can get through anything that gets thrown our way. Spread love and give lots of Hugs today ❤️

Why I been M.I.A/dealing with my anxiety.

anxiety

First I want to apologize for my absence so much has been going on in my personal life it’s been a rough crazy week, I’ve missed blogging so much it was fun to blog twice a day or once but lately I haven’t been in to it due to personal things going on in my life but I have not forgotten about my blog and will be back to blogging again every day very soon.

Life..

Life has been super crazy for me lately I’m in one of those spells where I wanna shut the world out and be alone in my own little world so I’ve been taking time for myself trying to figure everything out and gather my thoughts. I’m searching for that happy spot right now and i haven’t exactly hit the mark at the moment. I want to go off to an island where no one knows my name and start fresh that would be nice honestly. My thoughts have been racing like crazy and my mind is literally on 10 these past couple of days. It’s hard to process everything to be honest. I have to get back to myself and honestly I don’t know when that will be.

Anxiety..

My anxiety was doing so well and I was proud of myself because things were going great however now it’s back to not being so great. I’ve been dealing with a lot of panic and amongst other things but I won’t let that break me as always, I will survive! I Just need some time to process it all and I will be back to myself so I’ll be taking some much needed down time away and when I come back things will be 100% better and I will be able to blog again like before.

Conclusion..

I will be back to blogging soon, first I have to take care of myself and figure out what’s best for me. I miss this blogging thing so much I really do but I have to get my mind right back first before anything. I’ve posted a few new videos on my YouTube channel so you should go check them out if you wanna see what I’ve been up too. I can’t wait to come back and be better then ever. Enjoy your weekend and do what makes you happy always, I’ll be back soon!

My anxiety update/ how I’m feeling lately.

anxiety

I haven’t really spoke about my anxiety lately or where I’m at with the whole situation, so I wanted to give a mini update on what’s been going on and basically how I’ve been feeling lately towards things in my life.

Let’s get started..

I know the last major anxiety attack that I had was at my job and since then things have been going pretty good for me for the most part, well I take that back I did have a moment recently where I was dealing with a situation with my car, well the other day I’m driving to work and I heard a loud noise in my back seat, the glass in my back window shattered, I was panicking so bad and just grateful my daughter wasn’t in the car so I had to go back home and call out of work and I was car less for two days, thankfully my mom let me borrow her car but I cried for days worrying about how I was going to pay for that on top of my other bills I had to pay.

God worked it out..

Everything ended up being ok guys because I managed to pay that and still got my other bills paid but I won’t lie it lead me into a panic for days worrying about it other then that nothing major has really been going on as always, I take it day by day I’m never really sure what’s going to happen in my day to day life or what could trigger my anxiety but I try not to think too much about it either, it’s easier when I’m keeping busy and not letting outside voices get into my head. I know that no matter what I do, it’s up to me to decided how I want my day to be and the outcome, I’m not saying cut your feelings off but learn to control them and boy can that be hard sometimes for me but I’m a work in progress.

It’s Friday..

Today I’m choosing happiness, I’m choosing to put me first and love me. It’s been a beautiful day so far, I got off work early, picked my daughter up, we played outside and now I’m watching her try to cook in the kitchen with her papa lol she tries my baby has so many talents. Take today and everyday and try to love yourself, learn about you and live in your truth always and don’t let your mental illness bring you down we all have battles we have to defeat but with a level head and support anything is possible so I challenge you today and everyday to find what makes you happy and enjoy the little things because it truly means a lot.

Anything is possible..

Remember guys life is beautiful and we should take advantage of every little opportunity we have. I won’t let my anxiety over take me I won’t let my emotions get the best of me today is a new day and I will enjoy it. So to anyone out there dealing with mental illness or fighting a daily battle you can get through this and I support you. You are loved always and please enjoy your Friday with lots of smiles and love.

It’s the weekend..

🎊🎉🥂😊

Anxiety update + my favorite FRIDAY movies 🎥

anxiety, Friday movies

This post is a day late going up. I know it’s Saturday but this was made yesterday..(I’m not losing my mind yet 😂)

Good afternoon/evening guys it’s Friday and I couldn’t be more happier it’s a 3 day weekend plus kids going back to school what a weekend. (Well my daughters not in school yet) but to all parents who have kids in school I’m sure your looking forward to it. I’m also looking forward to the fall weather moving back in witch means it’s time for sweaters, hot chocolate and watching the leaves fall. (Christmas will also be here soon) just though I would throw that out there too.

Anxiety update…

Ok guys so those of you who saw my post yesterday I was really upset because I had a bad panic attack at work and it kind of ruined my Thursday,I’m feeling a lot better today nothing bad has happened so far I’ve even gotten off work early, did some grocery shopping and now I’m back home relaxing and watching tv.

I’m still learning how to deal with my anxiety, every day is a new day. I’m always glad to know I’m not alone in these situations. I’ve also learned it’s ok to not be ok and medicine isn’t always the worse thing because it can actually help. I will definitely keep you guys posted on my anxiety and let you know anything going on with it, today’s a good day though so I’m going to choose happiness. 😊😀

Remember, if you need help or anything in your life gets too hard it’s ok to seek help it doesn’t mean your crazy or not capable of taking care of yourself but sometimes we all need somebody else to lean on. Your never alone and it will get better.

My favorite FRIDAY movies 🎥…

Ok guys so in honor of it being Friday, I thought giving you a list of my favorite Friday movies would be a lot of fun.

Let’s get started…

1. Friday the 13th-

So of course we all love this movie it’s a classic and Jason is one scary man not going to lie, I literally watch those movies with one eye open (ok a little exaggeration) but you get the point. Everyone loves a good horror movie though plus I kinda have always wanted to go to crystal lake (if it was real) to see if Jason will come out, I know crazy! Also I went to a lake once but no sign of Jason 🤷‍♀️ but I absolutely love this movie. Maybe I’ll even watch it tonight you never know.

2. Freaky Friday-

This movie is another classic, I love Lindsay Lohan and Jamie lee Curtis as mother and daughter and the best part about this movie is what would it really be like switching places with your mom, I don’t know how that would go but honestly it might be kind of cool to see what a day in the life of my mom would be like, also I love the fact that it shows you what life can be like when you put yourself in another persons shoes (another reason why we should judge too quick) if you have seen this movie go watch it’s really good they always have a new one coming out this year I believe it’s remade with new actresses. (I’m sure it’s still good though)

3. Friday-

Ok so most people know this classic movie with ice cube and Chris tucked it’s extremely funny and let’s you into the life of (ice cube) character “Craig” it’s a movie that some people can relate too and most people love because in some ways we can all relate, so if you like laughter and you want a movie that isn’t too serious but has some serious points/lessons in it then I suggest you watch this movie and get to know “Craig” and all his friends/family.

4.Friday night lights-

This is also another amazing movie, if you like football and coaches then this is the movie for you, it’s based in Texas where football is really a big deal also I’m a Dallas cowboys fan so this works for me(yes I know that’s not the team name in the movie ) just throwing that out there because I love Dallas. this was also a tv show witch I loved so much so sad when nbc cancelled it after 5 seasons 😦 I use to watch this all the time when I would go visit my grandpa. So go check this movie out guys I’m sure you will love it.

Check out my video.. there’s no video sorry… it won’t upload so check out my YouTube video this weekend instead.

Also guys, I wanted to attach a video to go with this blog, but unfortunately it wouldn’t upload so no video 😦 however I will be making a new video for my YouTube channel today and posting it this weekend so look out for it, I’ll probably do videos twice a week maybe. I’m definitely going to start posting more videos on here too. (Only if it uploads) will see.

Enjoy your Friday guys and your long 3 day weekend.

Dealing with emotions/Panic and anxiety.

anxiety

Guys I’m doing 100% better, needed to vent, everything is good now. I even spoke with my mom and she helped me feel better, there’s no ill feelings towards my co workers either. I had a bad anxiety moment ( still not sure what triggered it) but I feel a lot better(this was written hours ago) just now deciding to post it.

Today has started off so weird for me, I had a great morning everything appeared to be going right, then all of a sudden my co worker says something to me not in a mean way but I kind of took it that way. I went back into my office and started crying and I’m still unsure as to why it made me so upset or mad but Sometimes my job as much as I love it can cause me a lot of stress, it also feels like most times I’m being pulled in so many different directions and being told so many different things that it can be overwhelming.

I wake up everyday I’m always in a good mood, today was suppose to be a good day and it still can be,however now my body feels weird my chest is hurting me and I feel like I wanna be alone and away from everyone. My anxiety usually makes me feel like this at a times, I try my best not to let my anxiety or my emotions get the best of me but sometimes it happens because I’m human. I never like when little things happen to me and it sets me back from being in control of everything going on and as I sit here in my office I’m still wondering what could of triggered my reaction or caused me to get so upset.

I don’t wanna alarm my co workers and I don’t wanna confront anybody because even I’m not sure why this has happened maybe i got a little overwhelmed or maybe something is bothering me that’s now starting to come out, do you ever get so emotional or worked up and then forget what happens or why it even happened? I know I cannot be the only one. I hate feeling sad inside or feeling like no one understands what’s going on through my mind but of course we all know no one can read minds. My anxiety has now been triggered and I’ll have to deal with the after math.

So I’ll go ahead and be honest I feel “crazy” as in what the hell is going on with me and is this normal. I feel the need to grab my anxiety meds to help me but at the same time I’ve done so good without them, so of course I can’t back track. I wanna call my mom because she normally knows what to say or how to talk me down ,maybe even call my boyfriend but I know they are both at work and busy, maybe I’m over reacting and need to relax, take a deep breath and it will all go back to normal.

I know this post has a lot of me rambling on thanks for reading and listening, yes these are my thoughts at the current moment, I’m glad I got to vent and write them down, by the way writing this I am not mad at anyone (just wanted to express my current feelings) and if anyone out there is dealing with anxiety or any mental illness know that you are not alone and that you are loved and it’s going to get better.

Also I’m debating in my mind on posting this or deleting this so this may not get seen until Friday guys sorry.

I’ll figure it out thanks for reading and going on this crazy journey with me, gotta get back to work now ✌️