I’m back/what’s been going on (part 1) ❤️

Ok guys so I’m back finally, I missed doing this so much, I hope everyone is doing well, I’m finally ready to talk about what’s been going on so let’s get in to it.

Dealing with my dad..

Ok so in a previous post I told you guys my dad and I were closer, well lately it’s been nothing but bickering between him and I, I didn’t feel like he loved me or even cared he was constantly getting on me about every little thing and always telling me how to parent my daughter and honestly that got old quick. I went to my mom and expressed to her that I was tired of it all and that I was done trying to form a relationship with my father, she was not having that so she spoke with him about some of the things that I have been feeling towards him and our relationship, long story short we had a heart to heart and talked, I’m a big baby and I cried and he told me he loved me and we have since been moving towards a good space with each other ( it’s a work in progress) I think with time my dad and I can get back to having that close relationship we once had when I was younger. So I will definitely keep you posted on this and more.

My child’s father coming back into our lives..

In a previous post I stated that I was a single parent because my child’s father choose not to be around well out of the blue I get a text/call from him stating that he wants to be apart of his daughters life now and how he has changed. I’ve been waiting for this moment for a very very long time but it was also scary for me being that I’m in a new relationship and I wasn’t sure how my daughter would even react to meeting him. The conversation started off rocky we weren’t getting along and honestly I was giving up hope but we have turned it around sort of, I clearly have a long way to go before I can trust him or let him be alone with my daughter but we will have to keep trying until everyone is comfortable with it. This has been really hard and it’s causing me to have to re live moments that I personally don’t want too but I will do it all for my daughter. I’m going to hope and pray that he will do right by her and things will move in a good direction so that we can co parent the right way.

My job..

So things at work were going great and then they went left again because in my mind I feel like I’m always being targeted for some reason maybe because I choose to be quiet and stay to myself, so anyway long story short I’m thinking everything is good between me and the girls(co workers) well clearly I was wrong I’m always being blind sighted and it sucks when I’m always being a good person I felt in my eyes if their is a problem why not address me instead of talking about me as if I’m not in the room or proceeding to tell me how to do my job when your not my boss is all I’m saying, I feel as adults it’s ways you handle things and ways you don’t and I’m over being nice to people who clearly don’t deserve it. I have tried to be the bigger person over and over again but it seems to get me no where so I’m at the point of just staying to myself and not dealing with anyone. I will never get why some adults can be so catty and nasty for no reason it’s sad and pathetic to be honest like grow up is all I can say. I want to say more but of course I will reveal more in the part 2 I do on this story.

Conclusion..

Things have been so crazy these past few weeks omg like literally and I’ve been trying to deal with it all and be there for everyone around me at the same time, I won’t lie I’m scared my anxiety is about to flare up again and it’s scaring me because I’ve done so good with the no meds but with all these things going on it’s enough to send me spiraling back into another break down because honestly this is all crazy but all I can do is try to deal with it the best way I know how, also thanks so much for being patient with me during this time. I will definitively be doing a part 2 to this blog post because there is more. Enjoy your weekend guys, sending lots and lots of love your way ❤️

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Do,I want more kids???

So, I had my daughter in March of 2017 and she will be two next year and I know I’m not the only person that has kids and people continue to ask you over and over “when are you going to have more kids?” That question can be a little annoying at times honestly not going to lie but I get asked constantly by friends,family even my patients ask me. So I know the question here is do I want more kids in the future?

Let’s talk about it…

At one point in my life I wasn’t even sure I wanted kids when I was in my early 20’s going out all the time with friends and having fun, I watched all my friends have kids young and I told myself that was not going to be me. So of course I did wait till I was in my later 20’s to finally have my daughter who is my world might I add. I will say this though “kids are not for everybody” not everyone in my opinion is meant to be a mom or father. It’s nothing wrong with that and some people notice it right away and decide not to have children for different reasons others have kids anyway knowing they are no where fit to be parents and the sad part is the kids end up suffering and honestly that truly breaks my heart when I hear so many news stories of kids dying at the hand of a parent who could of done things differently.

For instance my aunt who is 49 she’s going to kill me for revealing her age but she’s never had kids or been married she’s been in a relationship with her boyfriend for a few years now, they talk about having kids sometimes but she’s at that critical age (I will not say it’s too late because Janet Jackson is proof it’s never too late) ,however I don’t think she will have kids and I think it makes her sad sometimes because she’s always wanted her own family but she’s also my daughters god mom and she’s great with her so it goes back to what I was saying not everyone is meant to have kids, you may want kids but god may have something completely different planned for you.

To answer the big question…

Yes I do want more children, I hope to have my next child with my current boyfriend this is the first time in my life that I’m truly happy, truly in love and can see myself with him for the rest of my life, we talk about marriage and kids all the time but of course I’m not ready for all that yet. It’s still a few more things I wanna accomplish in my life before having my next child so to all the People who constantly ask me you finally got your answer. It’s kind of different for us too because we’re still in the process of getting new jobs, deciding weather we wanna live in his city or mine and all that other stuff so once all that’s in place we will definitely have a little one of our own but of course I wanna be married first this time around too, I wanna do everything the right way this time.

To anyone out there it’s ok to not want kids it’s not for everyone I’m definitely not judging and if you have kids I’m sure you love them like crazy even when they drive you crazy lol it happens kids are going to be kids. We all have a story to tell so enjoy this beautiful Thursday guys and don’t let anyone rain on your happy parade.

Happy Friday/single parenting (my story)

Good morning, yes it’s finally Friday
and I’m excited because it’s the end of another work week and I get to relax and enjoy my weekend, I don’t really have any major plans this weekend, the main thing that I want to do is get my hair braided and go shopping because who doesn’t love shopping it’s literally a girls best friend and I’ll probably go out to eat as well so cheers to the weekend.

It’s story time…

This story is another story that’s hard for me to speak about but I’m going to tell my story in hopes of helping someone else out there who may be in my situation or can relate in some way. I met my child’s father in 2016 he was a good guy in the beginning we were together everyday day we liked each other a lot and I was extremely happy in the beginning, I remember him telling me he had three kids from a previous relationship (I know that should of been a red flag) but I liked him a lot and wanted to keep getting to know him so I continued my relationship with him.

I remembered at that time he was staying with a family member he had a decent job but he was still struggling so he started asking me for money all the time, in the beginning I would give in because I felt sorry for him, plus that’s how I was raised and that’s the kind of person I am I love helping others. I got tired one day of his complaining and always asking me for money because it was constant so I said “no I’m not giving you anything” he grew mad told me that he no longer wanted to see me, I was upset but said “ok” we went a few weeks not seeing each other during that time I reflected on myself and enjoyed time with family and friends.

A month later my phone rang and guess who it was.. well I’m sure you know already. I gave in and met up with him we talked and decided to get back on track seeing each other again but this time things were different something didn’t feel right and I decided it was best for me to walk away for good and focus on myself so I did that. A month or two went by and I noticed my period hadn’t come (sorry extra TMI for the people who are grossed out with that word) I was freaking out inside because in my mind their was no way I could be pregnant, later that day I went to cvs and brought a test, I was ready to see my fate as I walked into the bathroom the first digital test say “pregnant” I closed my eyes for a minute trying not to cry so I took a deep breath and grabbed the other test to do a re take.

To my surprise that test say “pregnant” too so I cried a little got myself together and decided to give him a call. (We hadn’t talked in two months) he picked up with an attitude and asked me what was going on “I’m pregnant” I said walking back and fourth around my yard at this point. ” it’s not my baby, you were probably with someone else” he yelled causing me to get angry because I knew he was the only person I was seeing (I’m not that kind of girl at all). I didn’t wanna argue with him so I hung up the phone and proceeded to call my Doctor’s office they were more then hopeful with helping me set up an appointment.

I wasn’t ready to tell the world I was pregnant so I kept my secret for a while then one day while talking to my mom in conversation I blurted out that I was pregnant, she was shocked and a little upset so was my father it took some time but eventually they came around, my mother attended all my drs appointments with me and yes she was even in the delivery room. I had my beautiful baby girl in March of 2016 with no help from her father he was no where to be found although I did receive a text from him a month later asking about her he was acting like nothing happened like he wanted to be in her life.

We met up one day at my job, he apologized for how he treated me and said he wanted to be apart of his daughters life, he even told me that the reason he was so upset about my pregnancy was because he had been seeing someone else who was also pregnant, my mind went blank at that point because i was under the impression he was only seeing me but clearly that wasn’t the case at all ,to make a long story short he wanted to meet my daughter and I agreed but of course the day it was suppose to happen he didn’t show up and he was begging me for money prior to the meeting and I informed him that wasn’t happening either see your daughter or don’t it’s your choice were my words to him.

He choose not to see her that day and hasn’t been apart of her life since, my daughter is now one years old she’s happy, healthy and loving and she’s done fine without him, my parents have helped me a lot with her also my boyfriend does a lot as well his not her father but he treats her like his own. I say all this to say to all single mothers even fathers your not alone and don’t ever beat yourself up over someone else’s actions, we have to teach and raise our kids right and show them love and do the best we can.

Remember doing it alone does not make you a bad person, surround yourself with an amazing support system and know that you can get through it and that you are loved. My parents/grandparents do an amazing job at helping me and have supported me so much that’s really all you need is great people around you also my job is really great they work with me when I need time off or have to take her to a drs appointment

I hope my story inspires and helps others out there, your are not alone remember that!

Toddler tantrums, Does it get better?

img_2478I explained previously that I have a one year old daughter whom is my world but we all know toddlers can be a handful sometimes we have to admit they get into everything, they become very curious and don’t wanna hear the word no. My daughter recently started throwing the worse tantrums and she’s not even in the terrible twos yet but some how when she doesn’t get her way she falls on to the floor, screams and rolls around hoping to get her way but I have to say sometimes it’s hard not to give in to her when those little eyes are looking up at me , I know as parents we want to give our kids the world we never want to see them in pain but as I’m learning sometimes you have to say no even when it hurts you inside just as much as it hurts them, one of the keys to being a good parent is showing our kids right from wrong and letting them know that they can’t always get their way unfortunately life isn’t fair but also it is ok to give in sometimes but not all the time just sometimes 😜 I know all moms around the world can relate to this so how do you handle your toddler tantrums? And for those wondering does it get better? As for me I’m hoping it does 🙏 let’s keep those fingers 🤞crossed. Remember we still have the teenager phase to get through 😊