The truth, I never told!

Addiction

So many things have happened in my life and I’ve kept them bottled up scared and fearful of the outcome but in doing this blog I’m finding out it’s easier to talk about the things that I’ve never said out loud so I wanna walk in my truth and tell a story that has never really been told so in a previous post I talked about my abusive relationship but it goes deeper then that.

Before I go to deep..

The idea for doing this kind of post came from me watching a show on Vice-land called “dope sick nation” it’s such a good show about the drug epidemic in Florida, it features two people Allie and Frankie who are trying to help addicts get clean and in to rehab it’s such a good show it will keep you on your toes and yes grab a tissue because it will make you cry at some scenes so please go check this show out it comes on every Wednesday at 9 or 10 I believe so go check your local channel listings for it.

Let’s get started..

I use to watch my ex all the time he seemed so put together but he wasn’t at all, he would drink now and then and I would drink with him sometimes and in the beginning I never saw any drug problems until one day he had friends over and I saw him start popping pills it shocked me at first and I asked him did he do this all the time he laughed and said no here and there so I believe him but as time went on he would always call his “dealer” to come over and bring him whatever he needed he would pay him 100 dollars sometimes even more for pills to snort or take to feel high all the time.

His world vs mine..

I tried my best to understand him and understand why he was like this but at the time I couldn’t. We spent many nights indulging in alcohol he even had me taking his pills, the difference was he was addicted and I wasn’t. I could stop anytime I wanted, he couldn’t it was obvious. the many days he spent sick when he didn’t have his prescription pills or his alcohol he would ponder back and fourth around the house trying to figure out how he could call someone and how he could get more alcohol and more pills. I remember every weekend feeling like a party everyone he hung out with was hooked on something and it was nothing new to them. I was lost in a world that I clearly knew nothing about it and it scared me.

His friend..

He has a friend that was hooked on every drug you could think of but of course it was normal to them, he would come over and talk to us now and then, he would talk about wanting to get out start Fresh how he was tired of the lifestyle he wanted out, he eventually went off to rehab and once he was back home he got sucked in to the lifestyle again this time was different. I remember getting a phone call from my ex telling me his friend had passed away apparent drug over dose he seemed scared like maybe he wanted to change his life around maybe he wanted to do better.

The outcome..

I honestly don’t know weather he is still doing drugs because we no longer speak but I can say I have not drink alcohol(I drink wine but nothing past that) or taking any pills since we broke up in 2015/2016 so yes addiction is real guys and to anyone out there dealing with someone on drugs please be patient with that person and try to help them the best way you know how, addiction is not easy and someone will not change unless they are ready to change remember that, you can still be there for them.

I’ve never told this story out loud before so I’m glad it’s out now and I hope it helps someone out there, please love yourself guys and also I’m sorry this is going up late I’ve been out of town all weekend.

Bad relationships/why do we stay?

relationships

The reason I’m making this blog post is because we all have that one friend or family member who has been with the wrong guy or girl and we continue to tell them over and over it’s not going to work but to them we sound crazy and should mind our business, well today at work we had girl talk and of course the topic of discussion was relationships and how we feel about certain things that men/women tend to do and why do we stay sometimes even when we’re miserable.

Let’s get started..

So one of my co workers is currently dealing with a relationship dilemma,she’s not sure weather she should leave her relationship or stay. she’s not happy but doesn’t want to leave him “when his down” as she says and honestly I think a lot of women feel this way, I know I’ve stayed in many bad relationships because, I thought I loved that person and I thought things Would work out but it didn’t and it left me stuck and full of emotions and trying to figure out how to deal with them. So then poses the question is love really enough? Honestly in my opinion it’s not you can love the hell out of someone but love is not going to keep me there especially when I’m miserable and unhappy. I’ve learned that I have to love me first and do what makes me happy.

Let’s dig deeper..

In all my past relationships I wasn’t happy with myself and it caused me to cling to the wrong type of men,in my mind they loved me but it wasn’t love at all it was me being stuck in bad situations and thinking it was enough when clearly it wasn’t, I was always finding myself pondering back and fourth trying to please others over myself and no matter how many times i got hurt it never stopped me from giving love a try again even though in my mind it was clear what the outcome would be, my heart indured so much pain and it cause me more heartache then anything and it honestly wasn’t worth it in the end. I will also add this if you feel like you have to cheat on your partner because they are not giving you attention or you are that miserable being with them, my biggest suggestion is move on and leave them don’t hurt that person because you are hurting that’s make no sense to me at all and I seen it happen to many time with friends or people I know so leave the situation don’t make things even worse.

When do we start to love us enough..

It really breaks my heart to see women even men with the wrong person and watch them waste their time so many times over and over and at some point we have to have that self love for ourselves because when we don’t it turns in to us picking the wrong person to be with, I’m always challenging people around me to stay single and focus on themselves until they really know what they want and can find self love first before beginning to love another person. In the end it causes a lot of unresolved problems and causes us to resent that person even though we had a choice to leave or stay. I watch my co worker talk daily about her relationship and anything you say to her she gets mad because she has talked herself into being happy when in reality she’s not she vents and complains to us daily and we give her advice but she never takes it and in no way shape or form am I degrading her or trying to make her look like a bad person because trust me I’ve been that girl before in relationships I more so wanted to use her story as an example to help others because we have all been there at one point in time.

Conclusion..

At the end of the day I hate to say it but we only have ourselves to blame when we choose to be in bad relationships with the wrong person because the door is always open but we chose to leave it closed. I hope that this helps someone out there know that you are loved and the right person is coming to you so be patient and keep being you also don’t jump too quick into relationships without knowing more about the person and always always make sure to love you first. I’m rooting for each and every one of you and I know things will be ok. Stay positive my sweeties.

I have to get back to work now we’re starting to get busy ✌️

Favorite date night spots|I’m gearing up for date night this weekend!!

romance

I’m a hopeless romantic as alway and I’m always in the mood to talk about love and share my experiences so in honor of my up coming date night this weekend, I thought I would share some of my favorite date night places also great date places to go whenever your in the mood for a date and some fun.

1. Dinner

So dinner at your favorite restaurant with great food and even fantastic conversation can never go wrong you and your date can sit across from one another and truly get to know each other over a glass of wine or even water if drinking isn’t your thing. You can go to a fancy restaurant down town or even some place simple whatever makes you and your date happy either way going out to eat is a great choice for a first date. The night can be full of surprises yes it can.(by the way my favorite restaurant is red lobster)

2. Movies

I know some might be thinking this is so basic but no my boyfriend and I love to go to the cinema bistro it offers movies plus dinner and drinks it’s so much fun when picking the right movie it’s my boyfriends favorite place to go and like always he ends up picking the movie and I talk his head off trying to figure out what’s going to happens next. This is also good for a first date because you can watch your favorite movie and get to know your date at the same time so it’s a win win for both (personally I would rather watch movies at home) but I will do the movies for him.

3. Park

It’s nothing like a good old fashion date in the park with a picnic because you can eat and talk and be one with nature. I’ve always wanted to do a picnic never done it though but I say go for it and please enjoy yourself their is so many other things you can do in the park for Instance play a game of frisbee, walk the trails, even cook on the grill. It’s all about having fun and enjoying the nature with your significant other and if your like me and you love the outside then this is right up your ally so I say go ahead and make your park date happen soon rather then later. You won’t regret it!

4.spend time alone inside

Ok ok I know what your thinking how the hell is staying inside a good date well let me tell you all you have to do is cook your partner some dinner and cuddle up on the couch for some movies it’s the perfect set up and you don’t have to leave home, I love doing things like this with my boyfriend mainly because I’m a homebody anyway but also because you don’t always have to leave home to have a good time remember that, sometimes it’s ok to stay in and enjoy each other’s company once in a while. So try it sometime and close the outside world out for a little while 🙂

5.bowling

I suck at bowling and I cannot bowl a strike to save my life but hey it’s not always about winning right? The point is this is a fun exciting date where you can get to know your date and have a good time while doing it, they even have good nachos mmm love my nachos but seriously guys this is a great place to go and you don’t have to take yourself so serious you can showcase your fun side and while also showing the other person your hobbies so it’s kind of a win win and soo much fun at the same time so I say let’s go bowling 🎳 no realkt let’s go 👉 lol

6. The bar

Yes I know what your thinking but some people don’t want the date to be super serious or uncomfortable so going to a bar to talk or have a drink or two isn’t the worse thing in the world. Some bars even do karaoke night and you can never go wrong with that. The idea is to not take yourself so serious and learn to have some fun again I say go for it, it’s really whatever makes you happy either way as long as your getting to know the person and having fun that’s all that matters in the end.

Conclusion

Date night should alway be something you should keep in your relationship it helps to go out every now and then and enjoy some alone time with your partner so between your busy Schedule always try to make time for one another and live in the moment always. I can’t wait for date night and I hope your next days is everything you want it to be and more. enjoy your Tuesday night I’ll be enjoying mine because I’m off to bed, time to close my eyes.

The way I been feeling..

anxiety, life

so much has happened in the past couple of weeks I’m feeling really weird about everything to be honest, I’ve held so much in haven’t said a lot about half the things that really bother me, I’m always that girl in the crowd who’s smiling who’s always so put together and people always say to me ” you’re always so happy, are you ever sad, you always smile” the truth is I wear a smile all the time to hide a lot of the things that go through my head or that I’m dealing with. I been feeling so un easy lately like I’m here physically but mentally I’m some where else.

I’ve been dying to tell my boyfriend about my thoughts but honestly his been so busy with work and dealing with his own things so I don’t wanna burden him but inside I’m dying I’m dying to get out I’m dying to tell anyone who will listen about these thoughts. I keep telling him I’m not ok but does he even really hear me, Ive told my mom a little bit and she says “take your anxiety meds you will be ok” I get that helps but what if I don’t wanna feel like a zombie or something I’m not for a day. I’ve been dying to get away so this weekend I’ll go out of town to spend some time with my boyfriend and his family witch I’m looking forward too because I’m in desperate need of a get away maybe I’ll come back and feel better maybe I won’t either way it’s worth a shot.

I been beating myself up about finding a new job trust me I love where I work but I wanna be closer to home driving an hour back and fourth everyday is getting old and taking a toll on me and my car, I’ve had to do so many repairs lately and I’m tired to say the least. I hope some new opportunity will present itself soon as far as my career goes only time will tell have to keep applying for jobs and sit back and wait not only that but my daughters father coming back in my life has been nothing but pure hell and I wish he never came back I’m starting to hate him literally we got into a Hugh argument through text yesterday and it didn’t end well at this point I no longer want him around me or my daughter she has a good life and is loved and I’m done trying with him it’s costing me too much peace and I can’t have my inner peace being destroyed.

I feel broken and I never thought I would say that out loud to be honest, I want everything to be different but it’s not instead it’s the complete opposite and I hate how someone can come into your life and turn it upside down by being an asshole and threatening to do things to you I’ve never dis liked someone so much but it’s ok because the next time we speak it will be through my lawyer because I cannot cannot take it anymore with him, he needs to be taught a lesson and I’m here to be the teacher today. I’m going to try my best to pep up try my best to wear a smile and not let all the drama bring me down but it’s hard sometimes. My anxiety is at an all time high so I do indeed think it’s time to contact my therapist and it’s time for me to get back on my meds for a while until everything dies down. I know I’m going to be ok, I know eventually things will get better and I’m going to keep having hope and stayed prayed up.

Thanks for listening to my long vent guys, I’m going to go lay down now because it’s back to work tomorrow and I have an intern I have to train so gotta get all the rest I can get my sweeties. Enjoy your Sunday! Ps: this post probably won’t go up till Monday.

also I’m feeling a bit better today but last night I was so over it!

I’m back/what’s been going on part (2) 💕

anxiety

The crazy part is as I’m writing this I feel like a zombie I’m drained and tired as hell this week has completely taken me out honestly so much has happened and I feel like I’m losing control of everything, you ever wish for something and when you finally get it, you wish you could call the genie back to get rid of it(watch Aladdin) anyway this whole week my mood has been down the drain and I’m starting to wonder what’s next how much more can I take. Well might as well tell you the rest of what’s been going on with me..

Let’s get started..

So as I said in my last post my child’s father has suddenly popped back up into the picture and honestly it’s been crazy as hell since his been back like let me tell you he is well a little crazy I mean he chooses to pop up when he feels like it and expects me to jump at his every command. We met up today and it went to shit(sorry for my language by the way) he proceeds to tell me how he wants things to be and when he wants to see his daughter and how I need to break up with my boyfriend and be with him, like how delusional is he? I mean seriously you haven’t been in my daughters life for a year and now you wanna play daddy well I can’t say I’m not surprised but it’s crazy how he tries to hug me and touch on me and tell me he wanted me back then he continue to attack my boyfriends character (he doesn’t even know him) I don’t know this whole day has been completely crazy and I’m drained so drained my anxiety also has been at a all time high today I literally cried for no reason earlier plus I had full blown panic attack-before going to meet him is this a sign or what? Either way I feel like crap.

How everyone feels..

No one and I mean no one in my family likes my child’s father it’s a mess they all want him to go away and stay away from my daughter but me on the other hand well I want my daughter to have her father in her life but at the same time I want boundaries and I want us to be able to co parent drama free but we Always bump heads no matter what and it’s crazy, now my boyfriend is mad because he feels like my child’s father shouldn’t pop up when he feels like it or make demands when he hasn’t been here(I’ve never seen him so upset) honestly I wish my child’s father could respect the fact they I’ve moved on and I’m happy without trying to cause any unnecessary drama but it feels like he can’t do that and he seems like he won’t stop at nothing to break my relationship up and I definitely don’t want that. This whole thing is a complete mess and I feel like no matter what I do nobody will be pleased or happy with my decisions. The fact of the matter is I’m stuck with this man for the rest of my life because his in my daughters life and honestly I’m starting to feel trapped.

What’s next..

I honestly wish I knew what to do but I don’t at all and I feel like I’m torn between going back to my therapist or being back on my meds but either way how do I even know any of this will help me or will it get worse. There’s so much at stake here and I wish I knew what to do. I’m hoping that time will eventually let things play out and everything will fall into place but who am I kidding can it really get better from here? I’m honestly feeling like it won’t and the only thing keeping me together is my daughter but I won’t lie I’m slowly slowly going into shut down mode and not dealing with anything, all I can do is pray and hope that he will continue to be a father for my daughter and actually be consistent with being in her life.

Work life..

the same shit is going on that was going on last week nobody changed at all and most of all I’m over adults acting like kids its so annoying and ridiculous but as always I’ve been nice even when I’ve wanted to say more but I’ve remained calm and learned to ignore people who don’t add any value into my life can’t change everybody but I can change how I react to people and situations so I’ll keep you posted on this as ( go back to part 1 post to get the back story on this)

Conclusion

so much has happened since I’ve wrote this and honestly I don’t know what’s next to be honest so as always i will keep you posted on my oh so sweet crazy/fun/ I don’t even know life lol. I had to laugh it’s better then crying.

I’m back/what’s been going on (part 1) ❤️

anxiety

Ok guys so I’m back finally, I missed doing this so much, I hope everyone is doing well, I’m finally ready to talk about what’s been going on so let’s get in to it.

Dealing with my dad..

Ok so in a previous post I told you guys my dad and I were closer, well lately it’s been nothing but bickering between him and I, I didn’t feel like he loved me or even cared he was constantly getting on me about every little thing and always telling me how to parent my daughter and honestly that got old quick. I went to my mom and expressed to her that I was tired of it all and that I was done trying to form a relationship with my father, she was not having that so she spoke with him about some of the things that I have been feeling towards him and our relationship, long story short we had a heart to heart and talked, I’m a big baby and I cried and he told me he loved me and we have since been moving towards a good space with each other ( it’s a work in progress) I think with time my dad and I can get back to having that close relationship we once had when I was younger. So I will definitely keep you posted on this and more.

My child’s father coming back into our lives..

In a previous post I stated that I was a single parent because my child’s father choose not to be around well out of the blue I get a text/call from him stating that he wants to be apart of his daughters life now and how he has changed. I’ve been waiting for this moment for a very very long time but it was also scary for me being that I’m in a new relationship and I wasn’t sure how my daughter would even react to meeting him. The conversation started off rocky we weren’t getting along and honestly I was giving up hope but we have turned it around sort of, I clearly have a long way to go before I can trust him or let him be alone with my daughter but we will have to keep trying until everyone is comfortable with it. This has been really hard and it’s causing me to have to re live moments that I personally don’t want too but I will do it all for my daughter. I’m going to hope and pray that he will do right by her and things will move in a good direction so that we can co parent the right way.

My job..

So things at work were going great and then they went left again because in my mind I feel like I’m always being targeted for some reason maybe because I choose to be quiet and stay to myself, so anyway long story short I’m thinking everything is good between me and the girls(co workers) well clearly I was wrong I’m always being blind sighted and it sucks when I’m always being a good person I felt in my eyes if their is a problem why not address me instead of talking about me as if I’m not in the room or proceeding to tell me how to do my job when your not my boss is all I’m saying, I feel as adults it’s ways you handle things and ways you don’t and I’m over being nice to people who clearly don’t deserve it. I have tried to be the bigger person over and over again but it seems to get me no where so I’m at the point of just staying to myself and not dealing with anyone. I will never get why some adults can be so catty and nasty for no reason it’s sad and pathetic to be honest like grow up is all I can say. I want to say more but of course I will reveal more in the part 2 I do on this story.

Conclusion..

Things have been so crazy these past few weeks omg like literally and I’ve been trying to deal with it all and be there for everyone around me at the same time, I won’t lie I’m scared my anxiety is about to flare up again and it’s scaring me because I’ve done so good with the no meds but with all these things going on it’s enough to send me spiraling back into another break down because honestly this is all crazy but all I can do is try to deal with it the best way I know how, also thanks so much for being patient with me during this time. I will definitively be doing a part 2 to this blog post because there is more. Enjoy your weekend guys, sending lots and lots of love your way ❤️

Top 5 favorite love quotes

love quotes, quotes

So again everyone should know by now I’m a sucker for love always so, I thought I would share my top five favorite love quotes with you guys, I hope you like and enjoy.

Let’s get started..

1.

This is a good quote because it teaches you to be strong in your relationship, basically your going to go through things in your relationship but in the end, it will make your relationship 100 % stronger. Let’s face it no relationships is perfect!

2.

This is so true, it’s the exact same reason I fell for my boyfriend, remember to always enjoy your relationship and don’t let the little things break you. Always laugh and talk and remember why you fell in love and most importantly appreciate one another and love hard.

3.

This quote is true in so many ways, sometimes we tend to settle for the wrong person because In our mind we think they are the one we’re so blinded by love that we can’t even see that, that person isn’t the one. so in our minds this is what we think we deserve, when really we deserve so much better, please don’t settle guys someone out there is willing to give you the love you really do deserve.( someone I know is in a smiler situation and it’s sad watching her being miserable and unhappy with the wrong person) hopefully she realizes what she truly deserves soon.

4.

I love this bob Marley quote it’s true in so many ways, unfortunately you will get hurt sometimes by people you love. The amazing thing is you have right to choose who you want in your life and who you don’t want around you. Don’t allow someone to keep hurting you over and over again because that means they don’t care enough to consider your feelings love is never easy but it’s worth it with the right person alway remember that.

5.

This goes back to self love again, you must love and respect yourself first before you expect someone else too. Remember it’s ok to be single focus on yourself sometimes make sure your ok before you try to be with anybody else. Self love is the best love and as this quote says you set the tone for the relationships you wanna have in your life weather it be from family, friends or boyfriend/girlfriends.

Conclusion..

So these are some of my favorite love quotes of course there is more so their will definitely be a part two coming soon. Remember to love and be loved is the best feeling also remember to love yourself first and always choose happiness. Goodnight I’m off to bed now enjoy the ones you love and spread lots of joy. ❤️

My top 5 favorite quotes

quotes

I have a few quotes that I really like a lot and that stick with me, you see quotes all the time online or even in books or on tv but I honestly think a lot of quotes are relatable and at some point weather we want to admit it or not that quote probably has gotten us through something in our lives at one point.

Let’s get too it….

1.

This is one of my favorite relationship quotes especially now since I’m in a a long distance relationship it speaks volumes to me so to everyone in long distance relationships this is for you. You can do it, love always wins!

2.

This inspirational quote is another favorite because it’s about living in the moment, life is so short, you have to live every second like it’s your last and take nothing for granted. always learn from your mistakes, always live for today and hope that you get to see another day. Live, love, laugh my motto!

3.

First off, I love love love Marilyn Monroe in my opinion she was beautiful and I loved her confidence. I have so many shirts with her face on it literally I love her, (I’m not a stalker) I promise lol but this quote is so true it’s like take me as I am or don’t take me at all so many times people wanna try to change who you are to be who they want you to be and then we end up losing ourselves because we fall prey to what someone else thinks of us so this quote is so true and important, always be you and never change for anybody, either they take you for you (flaws and all) or serve them walking papers.

4.

I struggle with this sometimes because I truly do not like bully’s or mean people who treat others like crap for no reason, it’s just crazy to me that others think treating other people bad makes them look good and honestly I’ve dealt with things like this growing up in school and in the work place. I know we should walk away and take the high road but sometimes it’s hard for me to bite my tongue when someone is being rude for no reason, however I love this quote because it’s true we don’t have to stoop to their level at all. ( I will do a post soon on a story that matches this quote) so ignore those bullies and keep pushing.

5.

This quote is what I need to hear some days, especially when I’m struggling with my anxiety or dealing with something in my life, it really helps me to see that no matter what everything will end up being ok and that I have to have faith. so to anyone out there dealing with something or struggling, your not alone we can get through this because it will be ok.

Conclusion…

I hope you guys enjoyed some of my favorite quotes, I actually have more that I like and will do a part 2 to this really soon and also tell you my bullying story probably tomorrow or Monday at the latest. Hope you guys enjoyed your Saturday. I’m off to 😴 now. Braiding my hair most of the day has wore me out. Gotta get some beauty sleep 🛏.

When someone from the past tries to come back into your life 😮 (let those ex’s go)

relationships

This topic actually came to mind when I was at a red light in my car yesterday and now I’m finally getting around to talking about it. I know every girl and even some guys have had an ex come back into your life or at least TRY to come back in your life, it’s like with no warning all of a sudden this person has found you on Facebook or Instagram or some how gotten your phone number from a friend and you receive and Anonymous text message out of no where, You have basically moved on with your life but of course they haven’t.

The guilt trip..

So many know how ex’s will pop up all of a sudden acting brand new and telling you all the problems they now have in their life and how they need a friend and your suppose to feel sorry for them, (I think not) I won’t even lie I’ve had people from my past try to pop up and it annoys me honestly, I have cut you out my life for a reason this means don’t contact me and I won’t contact you. I once had an ex who was going through hard times and he called me cause he didn’t have any food in his house so me being nice I gave him money well that was my mistake because he kept asking and I refused to help anymore because at that point I already knew he was taking advantage of my kindness. We should never feel guilty behind what someone else has done and trust me I’ve learned the hard way on that one (also this was all before I had my daughter and got into my current relationship) I would never ever do that now.

Why do they come back…

I think most times they feel bad for things they did and they feel that they need to redeem themselves, I’m one of those People who chooses to forgive but I will never forget. I’ve had ex’s tell me they messed up and they feel bad because I was a good girlfriend, ok all that sounds cute and all but it’s too late and I’ve already moved on, I never see the point in re living the past again. I never really dated a good guy before until my current relationship it’s crazy to think back to all the wrong guys I dated and why I picked them, I was so insecure in myself and who I was and they saw that and took advantage of that. I never want my daughter to feel pain from a man as I have. So ladies even men do not let your ex come back forgive them but find the strength to move on to something even better.

Conclusion..

When your relationship is done and over with move on, change your number(if you want too), Block them on social media or if you choose to keep that person in your life just strictly keep it as friends that’s it nothing more but I will say In my opinion, I don’t want any of my ex’s back and I don’t want them contacting me and trust me it has happened and I always shut it down quickly because I’m not for all the drama. You have to remember it’s a reason that you and that person didn’t work out so don’t fall prey to being a victim to them again.

Enjoy your Friday guys and stay away from those ex’s (get you something better) ✌️

Do,I want more kids???

parenting

So, I had my daughter in March of 2017 and she will be two next year and I know I’m not the only person that has kids and people continue to ask you over and over “when are you going to have more kids?” That question can be a little annoying at times honestly not going to lie but I get asked constantly by friends,family even my patients ask me. So I know the question here is do I want more kids in the future?

Let’s talk about it…

At one point in my life I wasn’t even sure I wanted kids when I was in my early 20’s going out all the time with friends and having fun, I watched all my friends have kids young and I told myself that was not going to be me. So of course I did wait till I was in my later 20’s to finally have my daughter who is my world might I add. I will say this though “kids are not for everybody” not everyone in my opinion is meant to be a mom or father. It’s nothing wrong with that and some people notice it right away and decide not to have children for different reasons others have kids anyway knowing they are no where fit to be parents and the sad part is the kids end up suffering and honestly that truly breaks my heart when I hear so many news stories of kids dying at the hand of a parent who could of done things differently.

For instance my aunt who is 49 she’s going to kill me for revealing her age but she’s never had kids or been married she’s been in a relationship with her boyfriend for a few years now, they talk about having kids sometimes but she’s at that critical age (I will not say it’s too late because Janet Jackson is proof it’s never too late) ,however I don’t think she will have kids and I think it makes her sad sometimes because she’s always wanted her own family but she’s also my daughters god mom and she’s great with her so it goes back to what I was saying not everyone is meant to have kids, you may want kids but god may have something completely different planned for you.

To answer the big question…

Yes I do want more children, I hope to have my next child with my current boyfriend this is the first time in my life that I’m truly happy, truly in love and can see myself with him for the rest of my life, we talk about marriage and kids all the time but of course I’m not ready for all that yet. It’s still a few more things I wanna accomplish in my life before having my next child so to all the People who constantly ask me you finally got your answer. It’s kind of different for us too because we’re still in the process of getting new jobs, deciding weather we wanna live in his city or mine and all that other stuff so once all that’s in place we will definitely have a little one of our own but of course I wanna be married first this time around too, I wanna do everything the right way this time.

To anyone out there it’s ok to not want kids it’s not for everyone I’m definitely not judging and if you have kids I’m sure you love them like crazy even when they drive you crazy lol it happens kids are going to be kids. We all have a story to tell so enjoy this beautiful Thursday guys and don’t let anyone rain on your happy parade.