Life update 12/19 🙂

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I’ve missed you all, I’ve missed blogging and being on here to post my thoughts and feelings. So much has happened over the past couple of months and it’s a lot so bare with me through out this post as I described it all to you.

Work life/Career:

I was working at a pain management clinic for the past three years as a medical assistant, it was great for a while and then things started to take a turn for the worse. I was so unhappy and it wasn’t feeling good anymore, I was being harassed and verbally abused daily by an employee who worked with me, I went to the doctor several times about her and he refused to do anything, he would rather lose me as an employee then fire the girl who causes drama, I even had a work best friend who was taking up for me and telling him things as well, he still continued to take her side and the final straw was when she kept trying to get me fired and then on top of that she was trying to strip my Job away from me and hire students to replace me, I was at my breaking point, so I walked out and quit and did my farewell it was the best decision for me, I texted my doctor my farewell and said goodbye to my three year job and it was the best decision, I’ve learned so much about myself through this process and I’m ready to let go of that place of employment and that past and move on to a better place to work. I’ve had a lot of interviews and I’ve been finding out what works for me and what, I love to do so with that being said I’m hoping to land a new Job soon and I’m always grateful for the support of my family/friends through this process ( also I had an amazing interview Wednesday and I hope I land this job). Keep you guys posted!

New Instagram:

I started a new Instagram guys!!! It’s my baby yes yes, it’s geared towards mental health and I make videos and do quotes, the page is up and running and I’m excited it’s still in the works, I don’t have a lot of followers yet but I’m still glad to be spreading my message to help others in need. So please go check out my page!! https://www.instagram.com/spreadloveawareness it’s my baby again so be kind and gentle with me, my goal is to help others any way that god will allow me too. It’s so many mental health pages on Instagram and it’s truly amazing to see so many people who are willing to help others and be there for one another. I love all the love being spread on that platform.

My new website:

I officially made a new website guys! It’s ok square space and again you gotta check it out, it’s geared toward mental health and helping others and what makes this page different is I have a store attached to it, where I’m going to be selling clothes and jewelry that’s have mental health slogans and sayings on them and I’m going to be getting a P.O. Box as well for anyone who wants to send me mail or letters or anything really and I’ll use that to send out the shirts and jewelry that will be made. It will all be up and running in January of 2020. So Check out my website and spread the support https://www.spreadloveawareness.com go take a look when your free, I’m so excited for what 2020 will be bringing for me and my advocacy and I’m hoping to be able to actually do public speaking in the future but one thing at a time for right now.

Relationship:

My boyfriend and I will be together for two years next month and it’s been a blessing, he has been so supportive of me through everything and I’m grateful for that, we made us work and no matter the obstacles we kept going and love won every time so don’t give up because love is worth it with the right person, so to anyone who’s single your love is waiting in 2020 with chocolates or roses ready to take you out and hopefully become your soulmate.

What I’ve learned:

Life will sometimes knock you down or take you through unexpected turns but it’s what you do to make it through the tough times and how you handle what happens to you, I will keep smiling and never give up when one door closes another will always open. Never let anyone bring you down or tell you that you are lesser because you are truly amazing, I can’t wait to see what 2020 holds for me. I’ll keep you guys posted on what’s next for me. I’m going to get better with posting. Promise! Enjoy your weekend ❤️

Standing strong..

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I’m sorry for not being as present again, I’ve been dealing with so much lately and it has taken a Hugh toll on me mentally and physically. I’ve been struggling really bad with my mental health and trying to stay above it all and when things get tough it’s hard for me to want to do anything to be honest.

My job-

Has been pure hell lately, my office manager is horrible and mean and beats me down daily she even treats the patients like crap and the worse part is my dr can’t even see the things she does he thinks she’s perfect as always. I’ve been majorly depressed behind working there lately. I’m constantly being picked at about everything. It’s been so hard lately but I do have some good news I had a job interview Friday and I have another one Monday so keeping my fingers crossed that someone will hire me soon.

My weight-

It’s no secret I’ve gained some weight, I won’t get in to detail about how much or what lead to it, I’m in the process of trying to get help with that, I meet my new nutritionist on August 30 so we can discuss my new meal plan. I’m looking forward to getting back to my old self again. I also wish people didn’t body shame others or make them feel bad that’s never ok, please don’t body shame or make fun of anyone for the way they are. It really bothers me that people actually think it’s ok to tell someone they gained weight or tell them what they need to do in order to lose it, I didn’t ask for your opinion so please keep it, I already know what needs to be done and will handle it on my own when I’m ready.

My dad-

I love my dad, we haven’t been seeing eye to eye lately though at all, it’s hard for me to stay here sometimes especially when things are so crazy I’m dealing with work drama and then dealing with my dad does not help either sometimes. Its been crazy because getting beat down at work and then coming home to my dad basically doing the same things is killing me honestly. I wish my dad knew how to actually talk to me instead of talking at me. I know that’s how some dads are but it’s hard to have a conversation like that when I’m feeling defensive the whole time and it leads to me being sad and of course trying to figure out what to do next. Don’t get me wrong parents are a blessing but sometimes I’m not sure they exactly know how to talk with us sometimes.

Depression-

Being sad and crying all the time has started again, it went away but now it’s back again and I’m finding Myself crying every week now and being miserable. It’s hard when things get like this because the only thing my mind wants to do is shut down from the world and block everyone out. I try to keep going for my daughter but it’s been tough. My mental state could be better but it’s one of those things that has to take its time before it goes away and actually gets better. I’m hoping in due time things will be back to normal.

Faith-

The good news is, I’ve finally found a church home that my daughter and I both like we joined the new church last Sunday and I’m looking forward to being with this church for many many years, honestly my faith is what keeps me going and keeps me sane most days. When we have nothing at all, I know that god is with me and he has my back. I try to stay prayed up and always make sure to count my blessing always.

Conclusion-

I’m hoping things will get better soon, I’m hoping the next time I write a post, I will have good news to tell you guys about the job situation. I’m sorry for being gone again so long, life has once again threw a wrench in my plans but it’s ok no matter what, I will pull through and things will get better. Enjoy your Saturday I’m off to wash my hair and relax with a good movie.

My favorite s’mores dessert

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Most people do s’mores at camp grounds when going camping, some do it at bon fires or even in the back of their home. This is one of my all time favorite summer foods to make especially on a late quiet night.

What you will need

1.Graham crackers-any flavor (I prefer honey)

2.Hershey’s chocolate bar( whatever you like)

3.Marshmallows

4.Fire Pit

5.Disposable bamboo sticks

6. Family/Friends who wanna have fun

At my home

At my house we have a fire pit in the back yard so, my dad will light it and then we get started on the family fun but wait before we get into all that let me reverse and tell you how it’s done.

What’s next

You take your graham cracker squares and break them in half, then place a piece of Hershey’s chocolate on to the graham cracker and place a marshmallow, then you proceed to stick the bamboo stick between the cracker. Make sure your fire is all lit and ready to go Also, be safe as you extend your s’mores into the fire give it a few minutes and wallah you have a perfectly melted s’mores ready to eat, this is a summer favorite in my house and not to mention it’s great to do with your kids.

Cheat day

If your dieting as I am it’s ok to have one cheat day to eat a s’mores and if your really worried you can get sugar free candy bars or candy with less sugar and calories. It’s ok to be bad for one day, I promise!

Final words

I hope you guys enjoy this favorite desert of mines and try it with family and friends.

It’s going to be ok :)

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I know, I’ve been gone for almost two weeks now, I’m sorry guys. I had a lot going on and needed to re group and deal with some things. I was not feeling like myself and needed a break from everything for a while. I’m honestly feeling a lot better and have dealt with most of the things that were bothering me.

I, finally went back and saw my doctor and got back on my medication and expressed to him the way things have been and that my depression and anxiety had started to kick back in and that my Job was actually a big source of my stress to be honest, we both agreed to up my medication to 20mg, so far it’s been good for me and it’s helped me a lot. It was good to finally tell my story and release it and not keep allowing it to take me over and it helps to know I’m not alone and that it can be ok but it’s up to me to allow myself to be ok and to be able to move forward even when dealing with my mental illness.

I’m also excited to announce that, I’m officially on weight watchers now and it’s been so good so far, as you all know my weight is a issue for me and I’m looking to be healthy and lose a few pounds. I’m hoping this all works out for me, my mom has been really supportive for me and also started weight watchers with me as well so I’m looking forward to seeing what’s next. I’ve had so many people point out that I’ve gained weight and it honestly hurts my feelings. I’m not obese or anything but still why must everyone point out my flaws. Yes I’m 143 now and I get it but geez can people stop. So anyway moving past the negativity I’m hopping to get to 124 pounds witch is a healthy weight for my 4″11 body frame and as always, I’ll keep you guys posted.

My daughter turned two a week ago and we had a little birthday party for her and it was amazing she’s growing into a wonderful little girl. I was even excited because my boyfriend came to town and we took her out to eat and shopping. I love the way he loves my daughter. They talk on the phone every night and say how much they love one another and he treats her like his her father. It’s been a wonderful experience to be with someone so sweet and amazing and who treats me right. I can honestly see us getting married in the future and I’m looking forward to the rest of our lives together. I know I know sorry guys I could go on and on for days about him though. I’ll stop for now though lol.

I actually got out the house today guys, I’m such a homebody but my co workers invited me out and we went downtown and had a blast, it was great! I won’t lie though, I started to miss my daughter mid way through. I’m so use to being in the house and not going out a lot so it was weird but I’m glad to have finally allowed myself to do something fun for once. I’m hoping to do more things like this soon. I’m sorry for being gone so long and I’m going to do better and I’m sorry if this sounds like a broken record but dealing with mental illness is not always easy and lately I’ve had so many moments where I’ve had to step away from the things that I love doing including my podcast.

I hope everyone has a great Saturday night, I’m off to watch some tv until my eyes close.

In the mirror.

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Do you ever look in the mirror, look at all your imperfections, look inside of you to see what makes you feel the way you do. Do you ever wish you were thinner, taller or had longer hair or prettier eyes. Do you ever wonder what life would be like to be someone else? Do you ever cry when you have had enough, when you can’t silence the words in your head because they won’t go away.

In your mind you will never be good enough, society continues to tell you that everyday, in all the magazines the girls are thin and tall and have so much confidence, but where is yours? Day after day you convince yourself it will get better, you say I look fine the way I am even thought society says a size 3 is better. The countless nights of dieting and being picky when it comes to food you convince yourself it’s a lifestyle change but now it’s turned in to an obsession and no matter how much weight you lose its never going to be enough.

Your fooling the world everyday and when they ask “how did you lose so much weight? your reply is always the same “Just a diet that’s all” knowing it’s no longer a diet but an obsession something deeper then anyone even knows. You love all the compliments so you keep going nothing can stop you now nothing at all. The Mirror has become your best friend now, it’s all you know. When will it be ok to be me, when will it be ok to finally be the best version of me. Who even knows what that is anymore, your so sucked in to what the world wants you have lost all control of who you are and what direction to go.

Your body image is tainted, will you ever be good enough, will you ever be happy? The mirror has got you here, the labels of others have made you feel this way, your losing control but you wanna come back to reality. You look in the mirror one last time, really look in the mirror at the girl you have become, your tired and drained from all the voices in your head and all the labels the world has put on you. Today is the final day you will allow the voices in your mind to tell you who you are or let the mirror dictate how you should look today. You finally get the courage to break the mirror to break all the bad things behind the mirror. Finally a sense of relief, finally a sense of peace. The mirror no longer has control over me!

To anyone struggling with body image, I want you to know you are beautiful and loved. We don’t need a mirror or the world to tell us that. We have all struggled with body image at some point myself included, however we can get through this and fight against it. Love who you are and don’t allow anyone to take your smile.

My favorite recipe/Food..

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Ok guys so today being that it’s Saturday, I wanted to tell you guys one of my favorite foods and recipes that you can make even while dieting, so as I explain in a previous post I’ve been trying out the keto diet and so far so good also all I’ve been eating is organic everything pretty much so this delicious meal is a favorite that I love and even my daughter loves.

Shrimp Alfredo..

This is one of my favorite dishes ever to make so yesterday being at home after work I got started on this amazingly good dish, so most people should know how to make it but of course everyone makes theirs different.

What you need:

Shrimp

Pasta noodles (vegetable) it’s made with zucchini and spinach and healthier for you.

Alfredo sauce

Olive oil or coconut oil (it’s healthier)

Parsley

Salt

Pepper

Tomatoes (optional)

Mushrooms (optional)

Green pepper (optional)

Onions (optional)

getting started:

The first thing that I do is grab a good frying pan and I take a drop of olive oil and drizzle it in the pan, I set the stove top on 3 and I take my shrimp and peel it and clean it off in water, before placing it in the pan, once the oil starts to sizzle a little I place my shrimp in and season it with old bay seasoning and lemon pepper seasoning. (You don’t have to season it, I choose too for taste reason)

The next step is to take my vegetable pasta and place it in some boiling water on the stove, I set the stove top to 4 and allow it to boil for couple of minutes while stirring my shrimp in the frying pan. once my pasta is done then, I proceed to drain the water and place the pasta in the pan with the shrimp. I toss it around to coat the pan, I sprinkle the parsley over the shrimp and pasta and add salt and pepper, I then cover the pan back up to keep the moisture in.

I dice some tomatoes up in to tiny pieces placing some into the pan while grabbing some fresh mushrooms and placing them in the pan next. I stir everything around to coat the pan again then proceed to cover the pan back up again. I allow everything to simmer and cook before placing my onions and peppers in the pan then adding my Alfredo sauce and pouring it into my pan, I then stir it around the pan and cover it again for a couple more minutes once it’s been sitting for a while, I then turn the stove off and my shrimp Alfredo is all done and ready to eat.

Side dishes:

Toss salad

Garlic bread

Bread sticks

(You can add whatever you want)

Conclusion:

This is a great recipe and it’s easy to make at home for family and friends. I’ll share more recipes with you guys soon.

Saturday morning thoughts.

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Waking up, I’m grateful for seeing another day and as I sit here in my thoughts, I’m starting to think about everything I’ve been through the past year and how strong I truly am, I remember being the quiet shy girl in school never speaking up for herself never being able to be vocal due to fear and now I can’t shut up lol. I always have something to say or I wanna vocalize something.

My courage.

I talk a lot about mental health now with people around me where as before I was scared to tell anyone, I suffered with depression or anxiety, it was like a hidden secret that the world could not know about in my mind it was embarrassing and a secret I kept from everyone around me but now, I find myself talking about it with everyone around me and you would be surprised to know how many people around me suffer as well. The medication helps me a lot it gets me through the the tough days. I’m learning to smile again and not let the little things bring me down.

The world 🌎

The world is such a cold place now so much wrong going on and so many people suffering it really truly makes me sad to see all the things going on. To see so many people dying or attempting to reach out for help and no one is there for them. I use to watch the news every night but cannot even stomach it anymore due to all the bad things happening. Its so easy to reach out and touch someone and let them know they are not alone and it will be ok, I think that’s why mental heath has become such a big thing for me this blog has helped me with that lot and also because so many people suffer and no one knows.

Final thoughts..

I encourage you to be a light in someone else’s life and make someone smile on this beautiful Saturday morning and let them know “you are not alone” I am here. Enjoy your Saturday and don’t forget to smile and tell someone you love them today.