mental health

This truly makes me sad..

I try to always keep a level head, I try to see everyone’s point of view and I try not to do the whole back and fourth arguing with people because it gets us no where. It truly saddens me and breaks my heart to see people with mental illnesses shaming other people who have mental illnesses like what the hell? How dare someone who suffers shame another person dealing with the same thing. You cannot tell someone else’s story when your not in that persons shoes.

People always say to me “oh you look so happy”, “your always so pulled together” or “are you ever sad” the truth is so much goes through my head daily I’m happy some days other days I’m depressed and my anxiety is all over the place but whenever I’m around people they would never know because I’m so good at covering it up and not letting anyone know I’m broken. People have to realize you can be happy or come off happy to others and still not be ok. Last weekend, I was with my boyfriend and I was telling him a story on how I was driving and I had this image of a cliff and I was falling off the cliff and my (child’s father) was on the top and he was holding on to my hand and I was so miserable and wanted to get away from him in my mind, I wanted him to let me fall. The whole time I’m telling my boyfriend this story he was in shock he couldn’t believe that my mind went to that place. Certain things/people can trigger my anxiety so bad and those are the people I cannot be around.

I was on twitter last night and someone who suffered from depression stated that a friend saw them out and said “you don’t look depressed to me” then it started the question in the comments “what does depression, look like?” The answer to that is clear, depression doesn’t have a look to it someone can be so happy and still be miserable at the same time. It’s not nice or kind to try to diagnose someone or tell them what they have or don’t have you may not understand what that person is going through but it doesn’t give you the right to judge them or make them feel even worse about it. Treat others the way you want someone to treat you.

I feel like some people get picked on over and over for things they have done or not done and it’s not ok, you have to realize someone with a mental illness does not have the same mind set as someone who doesn’t so to those who don’t get it at all, I suggest you educate yourself or start off by asking questions before you jump to conclusions or start diagnosing someone. Everyone’s mind is different and everyone thinks differently but it doesn’t make them not human we all bleed the same, we all feel the same pain we’re a lot more alike then different in some ways. I also will say please don’t jump on the bandwagon, I hate when I read a comment that’s negative online and then a bunch of other people will comment negativity and in my mind, I’m like aren’t you the same person who wrote something positive a minute ago like please have a mind of your own is all I’m saying even if it means standing alone. “If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything” great quote by Alexander Hamilton and it speaks volumes especially for the society we live in today.

I speak on mental illness so much now since starting this blog, because I’m realizing how important it is and that everyone needs a voice to be heard, it was always important to me but I never really had a platform to speak about it on and now with my blogging, I can use my voice and stand for what I believe in. My biggest thing is more people should be educated on it so when situations arise they know how to handle them or they aren’t mis informed. I see so much bullying when it comes to these type of stigmas and it’s sad because we should be coming together not being against one another. I wanna continue to use my voice and speak on my experiences and hopefully it will help others.

It’s Sunday it’s relaxation day so I won’t keep going on with my rant but I’m sure you get the point so display some love today and relax before work Monday. I’m off to the store with my daughter now ✌️😊

Addiction

The truth, I never told!

So many things have happened in my life and I’ve kept them bottled up scared and fearful of the outcome but in doing this blog I’m finding out it’s easier to talk about the things that I’ve never said out loud so I wanna walk in my truth and tell a story that has never really been told so in a previous post I talked about my abusive relationship but it goes deeper then that.

Before I go to deep..

The idea for doing this kind of post came from me watching a show on Vice-land called “dope sick nation” it’s such a good show about the drug epidemic in Florida, it features two people Allie and Frankie who are trying to help addicts get clean and in to rehab it’s such a good show it will keep you on your toes and yes grab a tissue because it will make you cry at some scenes so please go check this show out it comes on every Wednesday at 9 or 10 I believe so go check your local channel listings for it.

Let’s get started..

I use to watch my ex all the time he seemed so put together but he wasn’t at all, he would drink now and then and I would drink with him sometimes and in the beginning I never saw any drug problems until one day he had friends over and I saw him start popping pills it shocked me at first and I asked him did he do this all the time he laughed and said no here and there so I believe him but as time went on he would always call his “dealer” to come over and bring him whatever he needed he would pay him 100 dollars sometimes even more for pills to snort or take to feel high all the time.

His world vs mine..

I tried my best to understand him and understand why he was like this but at the time I couldn’t. We spent many nights indulging in alcohol he even had me taking his pills, the difference was he was addicted and I wasn’t. I could stop anytime I wanted, he couldn’t it was obvious. the many days he spent sick when he didn’t have his prescription pills or his alcohol he would ponder back and fourth around the house trying to figure out how he could call someone and how he could get more alcohol and more pills. I remember every weekend feeling like a party everyone he hung out with was hooked on something and it was nothing new to them. I was lost in a world that I clearly knew nothing about it and it scared me.

His friend..

He has a friend that was hooked on every drug you could think of but of course it was normal to them, he would come over and talk to us now and then, he would talk about wanting to get out start Fresh how he was tired of the lifestyle he wanted out, he eventually went off to rehab and once he was back home he got sucked in to the lifestyle again this time was different. I remember getting a phone call from my ex telling me his friend had passed away apparent drug over dose he seemed scared like maybe he wanted to change his life around maybe he wanted to do better.

The outcome..

I honestly don’t know weather he is still doing drugs because we no longer speak but I can say I have not drink alcohol(I drink wine but nothing past that) or taking any pills since we broke up in 2015/2016 so yes addiction is real guys and to anyone out there dealing with someone on drugs please be patient with that person and try to help them the best way you know how, addiction is not easy and someone will not change unless they are ready to change remember that, you can still be there for them.

I’ve never told this story out loud before so I’m glad it’s out now and I hope it helps someone out there, please love yourself guys and also I’m sorry this is going up late I’ve been out of town all weekend.

Sunday inspiration

My Favorite Sunday meals

In my family it’s always a tradition to cook big meals on Sunday’s, we all gather together and eat and talk about our week or what’s been going on with each other, I use to go to my grandmas every Sunday after church as a little girl she would cook the best meals and always made sure everything was perfect. I miss that now but try my best to keep the tradition up so let me tell you/share some of my favorite meals to make/eat on Sunday.

1.baked chicken w/greens and Mac and cheese

This is one of my favorite meals of all time for one I love chicken it’s good for the body has lots of protein and yes I will eat it baked or fried but of course baked is healthier. I love collard greens as well they taste good and are healthy for the body not to mention my dad makes the best Mac and cheese it’s so good and cheesy, I wish my Mac and cheese tasted that good but I wanna one lie it needs some work but I do try so that should count for something? Right? Lol don’t leave me hanging.

2. Baked spaghetti w/ground turkey

I love love love spaghetti it’s so good so I basically take a recipe that I got from my grandma she use to alway make a big pot of spaghetti when I was growing up and it was delicious to say the least and I love adding meatballs as well I also add sugar for that little extra flavor with some Italian seasoning, onions, peppers, mushrooms and that beautiful tomato sauce it’s so good. My dad makes the best baked spaghetti he will make a big tray of it that last for days and of course garlic bread can’t go wrong with that either. I’m trying to get better with baked spaghetti I always feel like I put too many noodles πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ so I’m learning lol but I do better with pot spaghetti.

3. Turkey wings

I love love turkey wings they are so good especially with a little bit of gravy on them as well, my favorite is the wing part and the skin sooo good with some green beans and mash potatoes and rolls to go with it, i absolutely love anything turkey anyway to be honest because it’s light and healthier for your body anyway it’s rare that I cook that during the week but it’s definitely one of my Sunday favorites al though it’s always hard to find in the grocery store sometimes so whenever I see it gotta grab it and stock up so yes that is great plus it’s a family favorite. You can either bake them or even fry them either way it’s good and once they are done you will love it!

4. Beef roast( my favorite before I stopped eating beef/pork.

My mom use to make this all the time still does and it use to be one of my favorites until I stopped eating beef/pork so she would bake it in the oven and put gravy with potatoes and carrots around it and it was always so yummy with rice or cabbage it was my favorite but of course my health comes first now so al though I miss it, it’s not that end of the world but yes it’s yummy and it’s always moist if you remember to always cover it first so always cover your beef to make it tender otherwise it will be tough that has happened to me before and it sucked so bad but hey you live and you learn I was a beginner cook back then now I’m a little more advanced well some what lol I try my best to cook good food always I really do.

5.Turkey meatloaf

So I actually made this today and it was good al though my dad didn’t like it but my mom and daughter did, of course turkey ground been isn’t going to taste as good as regular beef to some it’s healthier and I’m use to it at this point. You can’t miss what you really did eat a lot! I also made cabbage and potatoes with butter and parsley that I baked last night so I think my Sunday dinner was good and healthy, I usually don’t cook on Sunday because my mom does it but for some reason she wanted me to cook so I agreed even though I didn’t want too but glad I did now because it feels good knowing I made something different for my family since they are so used to eating a certain way so yayhhh proud of me 😊

Conclusion

Family time is so important and growing up Sunday was always my family time to relax and be around family and friends and these are just a few of the meals that I love of course there is more so as alway their will probably be a part two for this so look out for it and enjoy you Sunday’s while I continue too wait for my YouTube video to upload, I really need faster internet like ASAP. Until next time sweeties I’m off to relax and watch some tv.

weight loss/Healthy food choices

What’s in my refrigerator/healthy foods I’ve been eating.

Ok, so as you all know or should know, I’ve been back on my diet and eating healthy again also I’m going to the gym 3x a week well kind of a little bit more then that because it’s like missing one day feels weird to me since I’ve been going. I’ve also been sticking to the meal plan my nutritionist gave me and I’ve stopped eating pork and beef. (I don’t wanna say I’ll never eat it again) but for now I’m choosing to only eat chicken, turkey and seafood because I’m trying to stay healthy and of course lose a little more weight.

Foods I’ve been eating…

Seafood:

Salmon- I love this it’s so good and healthy and I normally grill it or bake it and it’s very light and I usually season it with pepper or old bay sometimes I even use a lemon pepper seasoning it all depends.

Shrimp- I been buying this shrimp from Walmart it comes in a bag you can get small, extra small or large I usually get extra small and it’s only like 4 dollars so you can beat the price either the other day I made shrimp with mix veggies and it was so good.

Tilapia- so this fish I do not and I repeat do not eat that often at all it’s very rare because its not that good for you to be honest so it’s the least fish I would recommend to eat however it’s ok sometimes but not on a daily basis.

Spot- this fish is so yummy the grocery store I use to go to all the time stopped selling it so my mom goes to a fish market and gets it for us because it’s one of our favorite fish to eat she just recently got some too but of course I haven’t cooked it yet so I’ll keep you posted on that.

I also eat other things like crab legs and lobster but not all the time.

Vegetables:

Squash/zucchini – I love squash and zucchini I usually bake it in the oven sometimes or I put it on the stove also the best oil to use is canola oil it’s healthier then vegetable oil and don’t use a lot and also I add a little bit of butter make sure you use one with not a lot of fat in it and it’s pretty good.

Green beans- I love green beans I get the fresh ones from Walmart and they are really good add a little seasoning but not too much and cook them on the stove it turns it pretty good.

Broccoli- so this literally is my go to vegetable I eat this a lot usually I eat it plain and I boil it on the stove or steam it and I always get the fresh kind as well ( I use to add cheeese) I don’t anymore 😦 gotta be healthy.

Cabbage- I eat this vegetable every now and then not very often usually I only eat it when my mom makes it witch is rare but this is also very good.

Corn on the Cobb- I usually buy a Hugh bag of this and boil some on the stove I make enough to last me for a couple days so I don’t have to do so much cooking everyday.

I eat a lot more vegetables however don’t have room to list them all oh I should add to I eat a lot of toss salads (I Love Caesar salad and garden salad)

Meats:

Turkey- I been eating a lot of turkey like turkey wings, turkey pork chops and ground turkey beef, turkey sausage, it sounds nasty to some but it’s actually really good guys trust me you gotta try it.

Chicken- so I’ve been eating a lot of this lately I’m surprised I’m not sick of chick I’m really surprised I am but nope I’ve been sticking to it and eating it faithfully because it’s so many things you can make with chicken honestly so it works for me in some ways.

I already listed all the seafood..

Snacks:

Yogurt- I love light and fit and also chobani but it’s not good to eat that all the time due to the sugar in it and calories but yes I love yogurt.

Pretzels: I know most people think it’s bread so it’s not healthy but I’m here to tell you it’s on my meal plan and it’s actually not bad at all.

Popcorn: popcorn is always good I always get the kind with 94% fat free only with a 100 calories and it’s actually pretty healthy and good for you.

Fruit: I eat all kind of fruit don’t even wanna list them all but yes fruit is so good for you so enjoy it and embrace it because it’s yummy πŸ˜‹

So basically I eat all healthy snakes or try too of course there’s more but again it would take so long to list them all so you can ask me if you really wanna know.

If you’re trying to lose weight or just be healthy this is the diet for you or these are the foods I recommend eating also it’s good to get a nutritionist to help as well or you can do it yourself either way guys is all about being healthy to be around longer. (It’s ok to have cheat days sometimes) as I always say no one is perfect but this is me telling you what works for me and it may work for you too.

I will keep you guys posted on my weight loss journey. Remember to keep going and keep pushing and don’t give up you can do it!

self-love

Remember to always love YOU and put YOU first.

I wasn’t ease dropping on the conversation, however I was in a public bathroom and she basically put her business out there for the world sadly and now I’m sharing my thoughts and telling my own story in some way…

So, tonight I went out to eat with my family for my moms birthday weekend, it was a great dinner we had a great night but of course as were leaving we stop by the bathroom and I take my daughter in to change her that’s when I over heard a waitress on the phone with her boyfriend, everyone in the bathroom can hear her conversation she’s pleading and bagging her boyfriend not to leave her and to come get her from work and from her voice I can tell his telling her no witch isn’t what she wanted to hear, so she continues talking to him telling him she won’t do something again and a bunch of other things (it’s raining outside) so she was also asking him to bring her the car he was clearly saying no, finally her boss comes to the bathroom and tells her she needs to come back and finish waiting on tables then she proceeds to tell her boyfriend “I’m going to lose my job” before walking out finally.

This is why I always say self love is so so important even when your in a relationship because in order to love someone you must love yourself first always and I remember in past relationships not having that for myself so I put up with way more then I should have. It was very clear to me that this girl didn’t seem to have to much love for herself as she’s on the phone bagging her boyfriend and crying on the phone in a bathroom stall it Made me think how many women even some men deal with issues and put up with things like this because sometimes they feel that no one else will love them or that’s the only person they can get or they settle because of fear of moving on.

This post isn’t just about that waitress or her story that she honestly should of kept separate from her job but it’s for anyone out there who has ever been in situations like this and who have felt like they weren’t good enough. You have to realize sometimes we get in this situations because people portray to be one way and then once you get to know them better it’s a whole different story. When I was in my abusive relationship,I thought he was great in the beginning until I really got to know him and see that he wasn’t a good person he grew up in single parent home no father present and his mom did the best she could yes in some aspect I think that effected him a lot as he got older.( yes I also know not all people from single parent homes exhibit bad behaviors) truth is growing up I was a Hugh daddy’s girls I did everything with my dad he was the man I most admired but as i grew into a teenager our closeness kind of faded away and I sometimes feel that’s the reason I dated all the wrong guys

Also I’m not blaming everything on my dad part of this was ME too (we have a great relationship now)

I remember not having self love and it caused a lot of heartache for me in the long run. I wanna really say make sure you pick the right partner don’t get into a relationship because your lonely or because you think his a good guy but then he or she turns out not to be at all. Once you get that self love you won’t allow anyone to ever hurt you because you will love yourself enough to never accept anyone not loving you the right way. I know it’s hard because it took me years to love myself and I mean years and sometimes when it comes to my weight I still struggle with the self love part a little only because I’m always thinking I could be smaller but that’s a whole other story however when I met my current boyfriend he really taught me how a women should be treated he never calls me out my name, never disrespects me, we don’t argue and he loves me for me, well take that back we may have disagreements here and there but it dosent involve yelling and cursing each other out. It’s like you agree to disagree. (Kind of like the sky is blue nope it’s green) type of disagreements.

So, never settle, never love anyone before you (accept your children of course) never let someone make you feel like it’s your fault or belittle you and treat you less then what you are worth because somewhere out there someone is out there who is willing to love you for who you are and love you right. Some days i still look in the mirror and realize how far I’ve come from my past and how better I’ve gotten at loving me and the people around me and not settling because I’m worth being treated good.

Never beg someone to be in your life once they leave let them go because that chapter has ended and a new one will began and it will have a great ending..

Learn to love you and learn to take care of you first always and I pray and hope that waitress tonight finds that self love and makes better choices when it comes to dating because I’m sure she deserve the world but can’t see that yet but I’m sure one day she will.

Self love is the best kind of love as I always say ❀️

self-love

Why self -love is so important/learning to love yourself.

So it’s Sunday and I wanna keep up with the theme of love, this topic is so important to me because I didn’t always love myself and I didn’t always like who I was and and it took me a really long time to realize that I was special and that I mattered. I grew up in a household where love was always shown(I’m an only child) my parents they raised me right they taught me right from wrong and I was spoiled of course so it was never a time where I didn’t feel loved or not wanted.

When I got older is when I started to struggle a little, I was being bullied in school kids would say your ugly, your fat, why do you look like that or act like that and I would come home crying, I used to beg my mom to put me in private school she would always say it will get better, it will be ok. I wanted it to be ok, I wanted those kids to leave me alone and stop picking at me but it wasn’t happening. I got to a point where I was skipping school and trying to leave early every day to avoid the kids who would pick on me eventually it started to get a little better but those words they stuck with me for a really long time.

I would stand in the full length mirror at home and wonder why I was so fat, I wanted to be smaller I was tired of feeling unattractive and over weight( I was bigger when I was in middle/high school) some of my family members would even pick at my weight they would tell me I should stop eating or how did I get that big, it use to hurt my feelings and I desperately wanted to be thin, I remember starving myself and not eating for days even going to the store to get diet pills, I was working out every day. I remember that same year I lost a lot of weight and dropped 4 pants sizes I was happy people were complimenting me and saying I looked good but still it wasn’t enough because inside I wasn’t happy with who I was at all.

I got tired of all the criticism, I was tired of trying to be what they wanted me to be. I remember crying out inside because I wanted a way out, the guy I was dating at the time told me I was going to far but in my mind it wasn’t far enough I started cutting myself to not feel the pain at all, no one knew anything I was feeling and I felt trapped and alone, between being bullied and not loving myself I was a mess, I spend more time trying to please the people around me then myself. I had to put an end to all the voices in my head and learn to love myself for me.

Once I started college all that changed, I didn’t feel so trapped or like I had to please anybody around me, I started making new friends and nobody was judging me or trying to change me, it was a good feeling to know for once that I could be myself. I started seeing the brighter side of things and realize that who was, was actually ok and I didn’t need to please anyone but myself. My life was finally the way I wanted/needed it to be with or without the approval of others-around me. The only only opinion I cared about was my own.

Loving yourself is the best thing you can ever do guys no matter what even if you’re in a relationship always remember to love you first, take care of you first and don’t let those outside voices get inside your head, it took me years to finally love myself and honestly some days I still struggle but I take it one day at a time also bullying is never ok and anyone who has dealt with that my heart goes out to you.

Your life is Important and you are loved never forget that don’t let any one ever tell you different. Once you start to love yourself things will get brighter and a lot better and you will see that you are amazing πŸ˜‰

https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/9237282

Check this great site out.

Sunday inspiration

Happy Sunday!

Sunday’s are one of my favorite days not just because it’s a day spent with relaxation and winding down, its also a day spent where I reflect on my weekend and prepare for the next week ahead, I think god for waking me up to see another day, I usually turn on the tv to watch Joel osteen his my favorite person to watch on Sunday’s he gives the best word not only that but sometimes I attend church as well and surround myself with positivity and people who spread happiness. I know every one isn’t religious and that’s ok everyone looks at Sunday’s different so wherever you are and how you choose to celebrate enjoy your Sunday and be thankful for another day of this beautiful life.

Happy Sunday!!!