mental health

This truly makes me sad..

I try to always keep a level head, I try to see everyone’s point of view and I try not to do the whole back and fourth arguing with people because it gets us no where. It truly saddens me and breaks my heart to see people with mental illnesses shaming other people who have mental illnesses like what the hell? How dare someone who suffers shame another person dealing with the same thing. You cannot tell someone else’s story when your not in that persons shoes.

People always say to me “oh you look so happy”, “your always so pulled together” or “are you ever sad” the truth is so much goes through my head daily I’m happy some days other days I’m depressed and my anxiety is all over the place but whenever I’m around people they would never know because I’m so good at covering it up and not letting anyone know I’m broken. People have to realize you can be happy or come off happy to others and still not be ok. Last weekend, I was with my boyfriend and I was telling him a story on how I was driving and I had this image of a cliff and I was falling off the cliff and my (child’s father) was on the top and he was holding on to my hand and I was so miserable and wanted to get away from him in my mind, I wanted him to let me fall. The whole time I’m telling my boyfriend this story he was in shock he couldn’t believe that my mind went to that place. Certain things/people can trigger my anxiety so bad and those are the people I cannot be around.

I was on twitter last night and someone who suffered from depression stated that a friend saw them out and said “you don’t look depressed to me” then it started the question in the comments “what does depression, look like?” The answer to that is clear, depression doesn’t have a look to it someone can be so happy and still be miserable at the same time. It’s not nice or kind to try to diagnose someone or tell them what they have or don’t have you may not understand what that person is going through but it doesn’t give you the right to judge them or make them feel even worse about it. Treat others the way you want someone to treat you.

I feel like some people get picked on over and over for things they have done or not done and it’s not ok, you have to realize someone with a mental illness does not have the same mind set as someone who doesn’t so to those who don’t get it at all, I suggest you educate yourself or start off by asking questions before you jump to conclusions or start diagnosing someone. Everyone’s mind is different and everyone thinks differently but it doesn’t make them not human we all bleed the same, we all feel the same pain we’re a lot more alike then different in some ways. I also will say please don’t jump on the bandwagon, I hate when I read a comment that’s negative online and then a bunch of other people will comment negativity and in my mind, I’m like aren’t you the same person who wrote something positive a minute ago like please have a mind of your own is all I’m saying even if it means standing alone. “If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything” great quote by Alexander Hamilton and it speaks volumes especially for the society we live in today.

I speak on mental illness so much now since starting this blog, because I’m realizing how important it is and that everyone needs a voice to be heard, it was always important to me but I never really had a platform to speak about it on and now with my blogging, I can use my voice and stand for what I believe in. My biggest thing is more people should be educated on it so when situations arise they know how to handle them or they aren’t mis informed. I see so much bullying when it comes to these type of stigmas and it’s sad because we should be coming together not being against one another. I wanna continue to use my voice and speak on my experiences and hopefully it will help others.

It’s Sunday it’s relaxation day so I won’t keep going on with my rant but I’m sure you get the point so display some love today and relax before work Monday. I’m off to the store with my daughter now ✌️😊

anxiety

Stress|what helps me?

In life we all go through things weather it be in our personal life or professional life,we all deal with things and sometimes, we don’t always know how to handle our problems or even what to do when things in our lives get to be too much. I though it would be great to talk about it and also share some of my tips on how, I deal with stressful situations.

Anxiety..

It’s no secret that anxiety plays a big part in my life and it can definitely make stressful situations worse at times but, I will never shy away from this topic because it’s all about helping others and I want anyone out there who is suffering to know it does get better and you are not alone. My anxiety lately has been pretty good honestly and it’s been great for me and I’m learning still everyday how to deal with stressful situations, although it’s hard sometimes but as alway I’ll never give up ever.

Tips that help stress(what helps me)

Remember everyone handles stress differently so what works for me may not work for you.

Let’s get started..

1.spending time with my daughter-

this is one of the biggest things to help me, my daughter is my world and I love coming home to spend time with her and play in her room or eating ice cream this is definitely a good stress reliever, she always takes my mind off anything going on around me everyday and she makes me feel better when she gives me kisses and hugs,she will take her little hand and pat me on the back it’s cute πŸ™‚

2. Going out of town-

As you know my boyfriend lives two hours away, so I don’t get to see him as often as we both would like but whenever,I do go out of town to see him it helps me a lot because getting away from my home town is much needed sometimes, like when I had my recent situation with my child’s father unfortunately, it helped me a lot going to see my boyfriend and talking about it with him while he held me and listen to me vent for hours, he definitely loves me he has too, i talk his head off every chance I get. It’s funny because his very private and quiet and laid back and I’m the complete opposite but he evens me out( sorry for going off topic) you get the point.

3.watching my favorite show-

I love tv, I’m always glued to the television after a long day of work, usually watching cartoons with my daughter or watching something that I like, when I get off at 5 I always tune in to judge Mathis, I love court shows and I love seeing how the cases turn out, theirs also this new show on fox called “Rel” I watch and it’s really good and funny also,I like that new show on CBS called “neighbors” don’t quote me on it because the title is probably wrong but it has Cedric the entertainer in it, it’s very funny and of course I like a few reality tv shows or I’ll watch something on YouTube, Netflix or Hulu.

4.Reading a book/writing novels-

I love love to read like my name should be attached to Barnes and noble because I’m always there reading and I love the way the coffee smell hits me soon as the door opens, I could live in a bookstore literally. I read all kinds of books ranging from romance, to mystery to non fiction or fiction really whatever catches my eye. I also love to write novels ,so I have a bunch of stories I’ve written on my lap top and I have only let one person read them. it’s crazy but I’m funny about who reads my work, I don’t wanna jinx my work plus I have to make sure it’s good before anyone else can read it. Reading is always good for the soul it relaxes you and you get to zone out for a while.

5.taking my anxiety meds-

Let’s be clear these are only taken on a day where,I literally cannot handle anything and I have to be able to control myself or my thoughts so, I grab my pills and relax usually my medicine stays in my purse because, it’s always good to stay prepared I never wanna be away from home with no medicine, so I always make it a point to keep it on me at all times. yes they relax me and help me sleep, I remember the last time taking them my mom pointed out how calm and relaxed it made me, also she said I’m nicer so what does that tell you? But at the same token, I try not to take them everyday because I wanna try to see how my body will react without them but of course most of the time something will happen and then it’s all down hill from there but, yes the goal my doctor always tells me is to have me anxiety free but it’s been years of me dealing with it, so not really sure anything will change but I’m going to stay positive because you never know what can happen.

6. Not letting all the stress over power me-

It’s nothing much we can do when super stressed because we tell ourselves not to think about it but then then we still do it anyway, so the best/last tip I can give you is to let go and let god because it’s not much else you can do, but eventually things will get better in your life, so try not to let it effect you to the point of being depressed or not living your life because no matter what happens in life the world will always keep moving no matter what we have going on,so the best thing you can do is stay positive and count your blessings because it could be worse ,so to anyone out there dealing with stress it will get better I’m speaking it into existence for you, try meditating, yoga, going out with friends, prayer, or whatever works to distract you. You can do it guys I’m rooting for you!

Don’t let stress have you, beat stress up with a smile and positive energy.

anxiety, life

The way I been feeling..

so much has happened in the past couple of weeks I’m feeling really weird about everything to be honest, I’ve held so much in haven’t said a lot about half the things that really bother me, I’m always that girl in the crowd who’s smiling who’s always so put together and people always say to me ” you’re always so happy, are you ever sad, you always smile” the truth is I wear a smile all the time to hide a lot of the things that go through my head or that I’m dealing with. I been feeling so un easy lately like I’m here physically but mentally I’m some where else.

I’ve been dying to tell my boyfriend about my thoughts but honestly his been so busy with work and dealing with his own things so I don’t wanna burden him but inside I’m dying I’m dying to get out I’m dying to tell anyone who will listen about these thoughts. I keep telling him I’m not ok but does he even really hear me, Ive told my mom a little bit and she says “take your anxiety meds you will be ok” I get that helps but what if I don’t wanna feel like a zombie or something I’m not for a day. I’ve been dying to get away so this weekend I’ll go out of town to spend some time with my boyfriend and his family witch I’m looking forward too because I’m in desperate need of a get away maybe I’ll come back and feel better maybe I won’t either way it’s worth a shot.

I been beating myself up about finding a new job trust me I love where I work but I wanna be closer to home driving an hour back and fourth everyday is getting old and taking a toll on me and my car, I’ve had to do so many repairs lately and I’m tired to say the least. I hope some new opportunity will present itself soon as far as my career goes only time will tell have to keep applying for jobs and sit back and wait not only that but my daughters father coming back in my life has been nothing but pure hell and I wish he never came back I’m starting to hate him literally we got into a Hugh argument through text yesterday and it didn’t end well at this point I no longer want him around me or my daughter she has a good life and is loved and I’m done trying with him it’s costing me too much peace and I can’t have my inner peace being destroyed.

I feel broken and I never thought I would say that out loud to be honest, I want everything to be different but it’s not instead it’s the complete opposite and I hate how someone can come into your life and turn it upside down by being an asshole and threatening to do things to you I’ve never dis liked someone so much but it’s ok because the next time we speak it will be through my lawyer because I cannot cannot take it anymore with him, he needs to be taught a lesson and I’m here to be the teacher today. I’m going to try my best to pep up try my best to wear a smile and not let all the drama bring me down but it’s hard sometimes. My anxiety is at an all time high so I do indeed think it’s time to contact my therapist and it’s time for me to get back on my meds for a while until everything dies down. I know I’m going to be ok, I know eventually things will get better and I’m going to keep having hope and stayed prayed up.

Thanks for listening to my long vent guys, I’m going to go lay down now because it’s back to work tomorrow and I have an intern I have to train so gotta get all the rest I can get my sweeties. Enjoy your Sunday! Ps: this post probably won’t go up till Monday.

also I’m feeling a bit better today but last night I was so over it!

anxiety

Why I been M.I.A/dealing with my anxiety.

First I want to apologize for my absence so much has been going on in my personal life it’s been a rough crazy week, I’ve missed blogging so much it was fun to blog twice a day or once but lately I haven’t been in to it due to personal things going on in my life but I have not forgotten about my blog and will be back to blogging again every day very soon.

Life..

Life has been super crazy for me lately I’m in one of those spells where I wanna shut the world out and be alone in my own little world so I’ve been taking time for myself trying to figure everything out and gather my thoughts. I’m searching for that happy spot right now and i haven’t exactly hit the mark at the moment. I want to go off to an island where no one knows my name and start fresh that would be nice honestly. My thoughts have been racing like crazy and my mind is literally on 10 these past couple of days. It’s hard to process everything to be honest. I have to get back to myself and honestly I don’t know when that will be.

Anxiety..

My anxiety was doing so well and I was proud of myself because things were going great however now it’s back to not being so great. I’ve been dealing with a lot of panic and amongst other things but I won’t let that break me as always, I will survive! I Just need some time to process it all and I will be back to myself so I’ll be taking some much needed down time away and when I come back things will be 100% better and I will be able to blog again like before.

Conclusion..

I will be back to blogging soon, first I have to take care of myself and figure out what’s best for me. I miss this blogging thing so much I really do but I have to get my mind right back first before anything. I’ve posted a few new videos on my YouTube channel so you should go check them out if you wanna see what I’ve been up too. I can’t wait to come back and be better then ever. Enjoy your weekend and do what makes you happy always, I’ll be back soon!

positivity

Stop promoting negativity/be positive.

So I’m at work minding my business and had some down time today In between patients so I’m scrolling through Twitter and Instagram like I do everyday and I see a post by a women saying “why are men so stupid?” My first though was wait a minute did she really write that then I decided to scroll through some comments of course most men were not happy about this post one man even proceeds to say ” why don’t women shut the F*** up when you ask them too” (he also threatens a women who leaves a comment under what he said) I really was appalled at this for one I don’t feel she should have made the comment because it goes back to the old saying every parent teaches their child “if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all” Maybe she was having a bad day either way things could have been said differently and I get it’s that persons page and they can post whatever they like but at the same time be prepared for the repercussions of your actions.

I don’t agree with a man disrespecting a women at all period, it says a lot about how you were raised and how you will treat any women you date. Their are so many domestic violence situations out there so for anyone to take a comment that far it’s ridiculous also we need to learn we may not always agree with what someone says but we don’t always have to react either,learn to walk away. I read through so many comments and most of them were negative, women going back in fourth men trashing women it was crazy. It’s so disappointing to see people act crazy online it’s like don’t fall for the bait don’t do it and conduct yourselves a little better some things don’t need a reaction as I’ve said already.

Another story..

Something also really triggered me this morning as well when I’m on Twitter and I see a girl post a picture of herself she’s clearly been beaten by her boyfriend her face has cuts and bruises and theirs blood so she goes on to say “my man may beat me sometimes but at least I have a man” I’m at a loss for words at this point because it’s sad and she’s making a joke about this when so many women are being abused daily and can’t even get help or have no way out, it’s like how dare she make a mockery out of something so serious, the sad part is this young girl really needs help to even think that being abused is ok ever theirs a Hugh problem there. Being abused is nothing to play with at all people have lost their lives to these not only that but it tells me she doesn’t love herself at all to even think this way, I really hope this girl gets help and I hope she realizes what she deserves and I pray she’s being watched over as we speak.

If you or someone you know is being abused please seek help check out my previous post about my abusive relationship and please click on the website I left it may save your life today…

Always remember do not ever allow someone to bait you to the point where your doing something or saying something you shouldn’t be doing. Spend time around people who bring positivity in your life and stay away from any negativity, try to be careful with your words and don’t allow one bad moment to break you. If you see anything negative online please ignore it you don’t have to give the other person any satisfaction and you don’t have to let them win.

I challenge you to spend some time away from social media and enjoy your day don’t allow someone to take you out of your character because you know who you are and the next time you get ready to post something negative think to yourself “do I really need to post this, is this really that important” post something positive.

I’m sorry for the rant guys all this really caught me off guard and I wanted to speak my peace. I hope you all enjoy your Thursday I’m going to enjoy my mini break before going back in to work. Remember love somebody today and give them lots of hugs πŸ€—

anxiety, mental health

telling someone what to feel/ how they are and what mental health issues they have. (It’s never ok)

So I’m a little mad writing this because it really bothers me when people try to tell someone with mental health issues that they don’t have depression or anxiety or even bi polar. (I know there’s others as well, sorry I didn’t list them all) You never know what a person is going through and that person knows their bodies better than anyone else. So many cases go undetected because of people thinking that way “‘ nothings wrong with my son” “she will be ok” or “you don’t have any mental health issues, it’s all in your head” things like this are not ok to say when someone is dealing with issues that even they sometimes are unaware of.

I was on twitter and read a post from a women who seems to think that people shouldn’t diagnose themselves because things happen in life and it’s normal, She also goes on to say we throw out these words for no reason, (for attention) Well first off when I first got diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) I was in college and I knew something was wrong with me before even seeing my doctor. My therapist was the first one to tell me I had anxiety from there I went to see my doctor who officially confirmed it after talking with me and doing “test” of his own. I’ve had it for years now and try not to let it define me and try my best to live a happy/good life.

My point here is, are you a doctor? Are you a psychiatrist? If the answer is no then stop trying to tell someone what is wrong with them because you have no idea what that person is going through. I stated in a previous post that my moms friend son has mental health issues they have gone undetected mean while his brother thinks he does all the things he does on purpose however I’ve know them for years and I can tell you his behavior is far from normal the things he says and does now he never did before plus he has gone to a doctor and been diagnosed as well yet his brother is still in denial witch doesn’t help the situation at all.

A lot of times family/friends don’t understand what’s going on with us so they tend to put labels on you or tell you nothing is wrong with you. The biggest thing people should do is educate themselves on these type of things and do research before they speak on a person and what is wrong with them. I myself have had people tell me nothing was wrong with me and it leads to me having to explain this whole story to them and also telling them to Educate themselves before speaking you can never know what a person is going through if you are not in that person shoes.

This is one of the many times in my life where I’ve spoken so much about this and I’m glad that I made this blog because it gives me a voice and other people can relate to it as well. I will continue to say this over and over the world needs so much love and if I could hug ever individual in the word I would do it in a heart beat because we all need hugs every now and then. Please please remember we are all humans here we all have feelings and don’t make someone feel like the way they feel is not justified because that’s not your place.

Also if you know anyone out there with a mental illness or someone who exhibits signs say something and try your best to help that person but don’t put someone down and don’t tell someone what they have or don’t have we all know our bodies we all know how we should feel and not feel and don’t let your diagnoses go undetected please seek help with a doctor, therapist even a friend or family member and never give up never because your life is worth it and you are loved and beautiful inside and out and never forget that.

I hope this post helps someone out there, please enjoy your Saturday. I’m done rambling now, I promise.

anxiety

Dealing with emotions/Panic and anxiety.

Guys I’m doing 100% better, needed to vent, everything is good now. I even spoke with my mom and she helped me feel better, there’s no ill feelings towards my co workers either. I had a bad anxiety moment ( still not sure what triggered it) but I feel a lot better(this was written hours ago) just now deciding to post it.

Today has started off so weird for me, I had a great morning everything appeared to be going right, then all of a sudden my co worker says something to me not in a mean way but I kind of took it that way. I went back into my office and started crying and I’m still unsure as to why it made me so upset or mad but Sometimes my job as much as I love it can cause me a lot of stress, it also feels like most times I’m being pulled in so many different directions and being told so many different things that it can be overwhelming.

I wake up everyday I’m always in a good mood, today was suppose to be a good day and it still can be,however now my body feels weird my chest is hurting me and I feel like I wanna be alone and away from everyone. My anxiety usually makes me feel like this at a times, I try my best not to let my anxiety or my emotions get the best of me but sometimes it happens because I’m human. I never like when little things happen to me and it sets me back from being in control of everything going on and as I sit here in my office I’m still wondering what could of triggered my reaction or caused me to get so upset.

I don’t wanna alarm my co workers and I don’t wanna confront anybody because even I’m not sure why this has happened maybe i got a little overwhelmed or maybe something is bothering me that’s now starting to come out, do you ever get so emotional or worked up and then forget what happens or why it even happened? I know I cannot be the only one. I hate feeling sad inside or feeling like no one understands what’s going on through my mind but of course we all know no one can read minds. My anxiety has now been triggered and I’ll have to deal with the after math.

So I’ll go ahead and be honest I feel “crazy” as in what the hell is going on with me and is this normal. I feel the need to grab my anxiety meds to help me but at the same time I’ve done so good without them, so of course I can’t back track. I wanna call my mom because she normally knows what to say or how to talk me down ,maybe even call my boyfriend but I know they are both at work and busy, maybe I’m over reacting and need to relax, take a deep breath and it will all go back to normal.

I know this post has a lot of me rambling on thanks for reading and listening, yes these are my thoughts at the current moment, I’m glad I got to vent and write them down, by the way writing this I am not mad at anyone (just wanted to express my current feelings) and if anyone out there is dealing with anxiety or any mental illness know that you are not alone and that you are loved and it’s going to get better.

Also I’m debating in my mind on posting this or deleting this so this may not get seen until Friday guys sorry.

I’ll figure it out thanks for reading and going on this crazy journey with me, gotta get back to work now ✌️

mental health

Why going to therapy is so important/taking care of yourself /mental health.

If anyone saw or read one of my recent post about anxiety this kind of goes back to that a little bit (If you haven’t read it go check it out) so basically I do suffer with anxiety and my therapy really helps me get through that so I started seeing a therapist like two or three years ago she’s really great and she helps me a lot her office is 5 minutes away from my home and she’s always a call away when I need her.

I wanted to touch on this topic because so many people talk down on therapy or they will say I don’t need help or I don’t want a stranger listening to my problems but they fail to see sometimes it’s actually really a good thing, when I first went to my session I honestly thought it would be like what they show on television I’m picturing laying across a couch where the therapist sits and takes notes trust me it’s nothing like that at all.

A lot of times we have problems or go through things and we cant always talk to our families or friends about it or maybe we have but we still feel like we need more help so we contemplate in our heads about calling a therapist but then we get scared because we don’t want anyone to think we’re crazy or can’t handle it all, the reality is it’s perfectly normal to not have it all together, we all go through things or feel different emotions.

Therapy is important to speak your truth to tell someone out there who dosent know you and Won’t judge you, it’s good to tell your story and be able to express yourself and get whatever help that you need. So many mental health cases go un noticed or aren’t detected because we don’t acknowledge that we have a problem or need help. We tend to sit in our problems witch leads to depression and those thoughts sit with us everyday and it starts to get serious some people contemplate suicide others can’t even leave the house.

Always, always remember it’s ok to go see a therapist it’s ok to not be ok and it’s ok to have whatever feelings you have but don’t sit in those problems everyday don’t let it get so bad to the point where you’re taking your own life or harming someone else, never let the people around you tell you not to get help or that going to therapy is a bad thing because it’s not your health and your well being is important always remember that.

My moms friend is dealing with a situation now with her son who has mental health issues and it’s really hard on her because she dosent know what to do, she’s tried everything to get him help but no one will help her and now she’s in a situation where she’s debating on what to do next because he refuses help and won’t take his medication, this is why it’s so important to seek help when it’s needed even if you have to check into a hospital.

Take care of yourself always and please anyone out there who needs help don’t be scared to reach out for it and get it, no one is judging you and its going to be ok.

https://www.mentalhealth.gov/what-to-look-for

Check out this site (For anyone who needs it)