One of those days..

weight loss/Healthy food choices

Thursday’s oh typical Thursday’s, the day where the weekend is pretty much almost here and we celebrate Because Friday is our last day of work for most of us. My goal is to not trigger anyone with this blog post and to only tell my story while also educating. If your struggling with weight I’m here standing with you and we can do this together. Please don’t jump to conclusions on this post again it’s my experience and the things I’ve dealt with but as always I want to share with you all.

I still remember being the girl who flipped through all the magazines, the girl who was destined to be happy. The mirror use to be my best friend, it’s weird now standing at 4″11 and looking at myself no longer seeing anything that looks attractive to me, the world does not help when every where your turn someone is telling you how much weight you gained or what you should or should not be eating. The struggles to be what the world wants me to be continues to beat me down day in and day out. The girl who was once a size 7 now wears 11-12 and of course that’s not attractive to most ( in my mind) I’m still at a lost on how it started or how to fix it.

It seemed like over the course of the last couple of months food became a scape goat for me it was there when I was sad, it was there when I was happy it was there for every occasion. I found myself eating just to eat at times. I kept pretending like my weight gain didn’t exists people would make comments but as always, I ignored it and kept eating what I wanted. I miss the girl who could eat whatever and never gain weight or the girl who simply didn’t care. I miss the girl who once loved who she was and didn’t care about what the world wanted her to be but some where down the line she lost herself and does not know when she will be back.

I remember taking diets pills and starving myself and exercising constantly, I remember being so desperate to be happy at one point that I even went to a pro Ana website Because in my mind being thin was the goal. I spent countless hours looking at calories and documenting what I ate. It was pure torture some days but again the goal was to be thin. The weird part is sometimes, I’ll go to twitter and look at girls profiles who still struggle with weight and my heart breaks for the girls who don’t eat all day or the girl who lies to her parents about eating a meal knowing she threw it up. I go to YouTube and watch videos of girls stories and the recovery at the end of the video always makes me smile.

I spent an hour on the phone with my boyfriend tonight and we talked about my weight gain and I broke down because I’m ashamed to even have allowed myself to get this way I’m ashamed because it’s no longer about my weight but the goal is to be happy and healthy again. I say to anyone struggling tomorrow is a new day please love yourself and know that it will be ok. Let’s not worry about the number on the scale so much let’s focus on being happy and healthy. My nutritionist calls it a lifestyle change not a diet. We can do this ladies and men because I know we all struggle or have struggled at some point in our lives.

To anyone struggling with body image issues please get help, you are not alone and to anyone who feels like giving up on weight loss please don’t you can do this, I’m standing with you. Enjoy your Thursday night and know you are loved ❤️

Mental illness:Speaking My truth.

mental health

Speak-Your-Truth-Even-If-Your-Voice-Shakes (1)

I apologize for being gone so long, i never like to admit when i’m not OK or when everything is a mess, i’m always trying to wear a fake smile or pretend like i’m doing OK when its not OK. For a while things in my life appeared good and my smile was the highlight of everything around me. I couldn’t shake the voices in my head any longer and knew it was time to admit not only to myself but to the world that Cherelle is not OK and that’s OK.

I went to my doctor with a fake smile on my face and blatantly lied about everything, he asked about my progress and with a smile i replied “everything is great, I’m doing fine” he brought everything and said “that’s great Cherelle, i’ll see you back in three months, i’m happy for you.” i smiled full on knowing this was all a lie, he didn’t even know about the sleepless nights or stressful events that occurred at my job daily or the depression that took me over daily, i convinced myself is was all OK. I  stopped taking my medication and my moods starting to switch and change, i could feel myself getting angry and on edge the littlest things would make me cry. I spoke with my mom who was extremely concerned and even my boyfriend asked me to get back on my medication. i knew best and told myself life was better without it.

I’m tired of being controlled by medication and feeling like the only way to survive is on my anxiety/depression medicine in my mind their has to be another way out. Looking in the mirror I’m wondering more and more who I am or what’s best for me. I’m tired of living two different lives portraying to be one way with the world and another way in private. I know to most taking the medication is simple, I never wanna be the girl on medication for the rest of her life not being able to function unless something is helping me all day long. It has to be a other way for me to live my life right? Or maybe I’m being dramatic right now either way I’m tired of hiding the truth.

The truth is still hard for me though as, I was at work writing this post and my Co worker ask to read my blog and I politely said no because honestly I’m not ready for my co workers to read or fully know the truth about my mental illness. I will talk about it with them one day but for now it’s my secret. I can tell some people but it’s hard for me to tell others being as how will they react when they know how the other side of me truly is. Once again I’m looking in the mirror and my reflection is looking back at me and some how theirs hope.

I won’t give up yet I’m not ready, again sorry for leaving for so long, I needed to figure me out for a while and as this process continues, I will keep you guys updates also check out my podcast for more updates on how I’m doing and to listen to me talk about other topics. anchor.fm/cherelleh I will talk to you guys soon, keep pushing and stay blessed and happy.

 

Sometimes, I wonder..

mental health

Lately, I’ve really noticed that mental illness is such a heavy topic and a lot of people don’t know how to start it or even what to say. I really wanna talk about something that’s been heavy on my heart and get my opinions across and where I’m coming from.

The biggest pet peeve that really bothers me lately is people who tend too act like something is wrong or say that have mental illness when they don’t for attention, that really makes me mad because it’s so hard to get help and it’s so hard to even get people to understand where you are coming from and then their are actual people out there who play around about something so serious, like that’s never ok and it only hurts the people who really have a problem and can’t even receive help.

A lot of people they want attention and they crave attention and the only way they see fit to get it, is too act out or do things they shouldn’t be doing for it. I had a friend once who told me that he needed money so bad at a point in his life he went to social services and told them he was going to kill him self and they believed him and placed him on meds and starting giving him a check every month, the problem here was their was nothing wrong with him and when I asked him why he did it he responded “I needed money, so I did what I had too” I was kind of taken back honestly that someone would do that knowing it’s actually people in the world who truly need help and he wasted other peoples times with his games.

So to anyone out there who truly is struggling with mental illness and truly needs help please do not give up, you will receive the help you need, continue to try and keep pushing and I truly hope one day people will try to understand the importance of mental health and why it’s so important to take care of yourself but also, why you should not play around with something that’s serious to a lot of other people. My biggest give away today is to always be mindful of others.

I hope everyone enjoys this beautiful Thursday, I’m off tomorrow and cannot wait to sleep in and spend the day with my daughter. Live in the moment and as always enjoy every second of it.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Valentine’s Day ❤️

relationships

In honor of valentines days we have to make this a post about love.

https://anchor.fm/CherelleH/episodes/Valentines-Dayrelationship-talk-e374un

Go check out my podcast today guys. It’s all about love and relationships and I’m sure you will enjoy.

I do wanna talk about something thought let’s talk about being happy weather you are single or not, I notice each year women and even men get upset or down around this time well I’m here to say it’s ok to be single and not have a valentine I’ve gone a lot of years with no valentine and trust me it’s not the end of the world as I’ve said on my podcast this morning the person you are with should make you feel special year around not only for one day remember that guys and also remember to give lots of hugs today and show love.

I wanna give you guys some cute v day tips so I’ll do one for people who are single and people who are in a relationship on how to enjoy your day.

Single-

Tips to get through the day.

1. Love yourself

2. Hang with friends/family

3.treat yourself

4.get chocolate or candy for yourself

5.enjoy being single and don’t sit in your emotions.

In a relationship-

Tips to enjoy your Valentine’s Day

1.keep it simple

2. Go out to eat

3. Give flowers/candy

4. Relax at home with movies

5. Enjoy each other’s company

Conclusion-

It’s one day and it’s your day to enjoy yourself and have a good time. Please please have fun today and enjoy this day of love and romance.

Ps: Remember your in charge of your happiness don’t let anyone or anything bring your down.

Wednesday thoughts..

mental health

The topic of suicide continues to plague my mind, not because I’m thinking about doing any harm to myself but because it’s all around me lately, I keep hearing stories about people killing themselves and seeing how no one around them noticed or even if they did, nothing still was done, it’s frustrating knowing so many innocent lives are being taken.

I do my podcast everyday twice a day and all I can think is please let someone be touched by something that was said today, I’ve never though that mental health would become so important to me or start to mean so much to me. I’m so into wanting to save people or at least tell my story in hopes someone out there can relate. I know it’s not always easy to talk about these things, I know it’s hard to be open sometimes when dealing with mental illness, most people think you can turn a switch and it automatically goes away but it never really works like that.

I’ve been extremely sick the last past couple of days and taking to my bed has been a habit, I can’t see my doctor until the end of the month and my medication is slowly running out and on top of that, I have to add a new medication to the list, I couldn’t even make it at work today I clocked in at 8 and left at 10:30 due to being sick my body is slowly shutting down but I’m trying to keep pushing. I’m thankful my Job is so understanding when it comes to things like this because it helps me a lot being able to deal with the things that come up. I’m hoping this will pass soon, so I can get back to my normal self again.

I’m loving the fact that blogging is becoming even more important in my life again it helps a lot, I started YouTube again but in all honestly I’m starting to realize YouTube isn’t my thing over tried to do videos over the years but I’m realizing I’m not that into. I’m more happier when I’m blogging or doing my podcast I’m even hoping to start a support group soon for mental illness so keep your fingers crossed for me. I plan to do so many great things this year in 2019 and as always, I will keep you guys posted. Thank you as always for the support.

I’m off to go lay back down until it’s time for me to go pick my daughter up. Enjoy the rest of your Wednesday 😊

Stress|what helps me?

anxiety

In life we all go through things weather it be in our personal life or professional life,we all deal with things and sometimes, we don’t always know how to handle our problems or even what to do when things in our lives get to be too much. I though it would be great to talk about it and also share some of my tips on how, I deal with stressful situations.

Anxiety..

It’s no secret that anxiety plays a big part in my life and it can definitely make stressful situations worse at times but, I will never shy away from this topic because it’s all about helping others and I want anyone out there who is suffering to know it does get better and you are not alone. My anxiety lately has been pretty good honestly and it’s been great for me and I’m learning still everyday how to deal with stressful situations, although it’s hard sometimes but as alway I’ll never give up ever.

Tips that help stress(what helps me)

Remember everyone handles stress differently so what works for me may not work for you.

Let’s get started..

1.spending time with my daughter-

this is one of the biggest things to help me, my daughter is my world and I love coming home to spend time with her and play in her room or eating ice cream this is definitely a good stress reliever, she always takes my mind off anything going on around me everyday and she makes me feel better when she gives me kisses and hugs,she will take her little hand and pat me on the back it’s cute 🙂

2. Going out of town-

As you know my boyfriend lives two hours away, so I don’t get to see him as often as we both would like but whenever,I do go out of town to see him it helps me a lot because getting away from my home town is much needed sometimes, like when I had my recent situation with my child’s father unfortunately, it helped me a lot going to see my boyfriend and talking about it with him while he held me and listen to me vent for hours, he definitely loves me he has too, i talk his head off every chance I get. It’s funny because his very private and quiet and laid back and I’m the complete opposite but he evens me out( sorry for going off topic) you get the point.

3.watching my favorite show-

I love tv, I’m always glued to the television after a long day of work, usually watching cartoons with my daughter or watching something that I like, when I get off at 5 I always tune in to judge Mathis, I love court shows and I love seeing how the cases turn out, theirs also this new show on fox called “Rel” I watch and it’s really good and funny also,I like that new show on CBS called “neighbors” don’t quote me on it because the title is probably wrong but it has Cedric the entertainer in it, it’s very funny and of course I like a few reality tv shows or I’ll watch something on YouTube, Netflix or Hulu.

4.Reading a book/writing novels-

I love love to read like my name should be attached to Barnes and noble because I’m always there reading and I love the way the coffee smell hits me soon as the door opens, I could live in a bookstore literally. I read all kinds of books ranging from romance, to mystery to non fiction or fiction really whatever catches my eye. I also love to write novels ,so I have a bunch of stories I’ve written on my lap top and I have only let one person read them. it’s crazy but I’m funny about who reads my work, I don’t wanna jinx my work plus I have to make sure it’s good before anyone else can read it. Reading is always good for the soul it relaxes you and you get to zone out for a while.

5.taking my anxiety meds-

Let’s be clear these are only taken on a day where,I literally cannot handle anything and I have to be able to control myself or my thoughts so, I grab my pills and relax usually my medicine stays in my purse because, it’s always good to stay prepared I never wanna be away from home with no medicine, so I always make it a point to keep it on me at all times. yes they relax me and help me sleep, I remember the last time taking them my mom pointed out how calm and relaxed it made me, also she said I’m nicer so what does that tell you? But at the same token, I try not to take them everyday because I wanna try to see how my body will react without them but of course most of the time something will happen and then it’s all down hill from there but, yes the goal my doctor always tells me is to have me anxiety free but it’s been years of me dealing with it, so not really sure anything will change but I’m going to stay positive because you never know what can happen.

6. Not letting all the stress over power me-

It’s nothing much we can do when super stressed because we tell ourselves not to think about it but then then we still do it anyway, so the best/last tip I can give you is to let go and let god because it’s not much else you can do, but eventually things will get better in your life, so try not to let it effect you to the point of being depressed or not living your life because no matter what happens in life the world will always keep moving no matter what we have going on,so the best thing you can do is stay positive and count your blessings because it could be worse ,so to anyone out there dealing with stress it will get better I’m speaking it into existence for you, try meditating, yoga, going out with friends, prayer, or whatever works to distract you. You can do it guys I’m rooting for you!

Don’t let stress have you, beat stress up with a smile and positive energy.

Bad relationships/why do we stay?

relationships

The reason I’m making this blog post is because we all have that one friend or family member who has been with the wrong guy or girl and we continue to tell them over and over it’s not going to work but to them we sound crazy and should mind our business, well today at work we had girl talk and of course the topic of discussion was relationships and how we feel about certain things that men/women tend to do and why do we stay sometimes even when we’re miserable.

Let’s get started..

So one of my co workers is currently dealing with a relationship dilemma,she’s not sure weather she should leave her relationship or stay. she’s not happy but doesn’t want to leave him “when his down” as she says and honestly I think a lot of women feel this way, I know I’ve stayed in many bad relationships because, I thought I loved that person and I thought things Would work out but it didn’t and it left me stuck and full of emotions and trying to figure out how to deal with them. So then poses the question is love really enough? Honestly in my opinion it’s not you can love the hell out of someone but love is not going to keep me there especially when I’m miserable and unhappy. I’ve learned that I have to love me first and do what makes me happy.

Let’s dig deeper..

In all my past relationships I wasn’t happy with myself and it caused me to cling to the wrong type of men,in my mind they loved me but it wasn’t love at all it was me being stuck in bad situations and thinking it was enough when clearly it wasn’t, I was always finding myself pondering back and fourth trying to please others over myself and no matter how many times i got hurt it never stopped me from giving love a try again even though in my mind it was clear what the outcome would be, my heart indured so much pain and it cause me more heartache then anything and it honestly wasn’t worth it in the end. I will also add this if you feel like you have to cheat on your partner because they are not giving you attention or you are that miserable being with them, my biggest suggestion is move on and leave them don’t hurt that person because you are hurting that’s make no sense to me at all and I seen it happen to many time with friends or people I know so leave the situation don’t make things even worse.

When do we start to love us enough..

It really breaks my heart to see women even men with the wrong person and watch them waste their time so many times over and over and at some point we have to have that self love for ourselves because when we don’t it turns in to us picking the wrong person to be with, I’m always challenging people around me to stay single and focus on themselves until they really know what they want and can find self love first before beginning to love another person. In the end it causes a lot of unresolved problems and causes us to resent that person even though we had a choice to leave or stay. I watch my co worker talk daily about her relationship and anything you say to her she gets mad because she has talked herself into being happy when in reality she’s not she vents and complains to us daily and we give her advice but she never takes it and in no way shape or form am I degrading her or trying to make her look like a bad person because trust me I’ve been that girl before in relationships I more so wanted to use her story as an example to help others because we have all been there at one point in time.

Conclusion..

At the end of the day I hate to say it but we only have ourselves to blame when we choose to be in bad relationships with the wrong person because the door is always open but we chose to leave it closed. I hope that this helps someone out there know that you are loved and the right person is coming to you so be patient and keep being you also don’t jump too quick into relationships without knowing more about the person and always always make sure to love you first. I’m rooting for each and every one of you and I know things will be ok. Stay positive my sweeties.

I have to get back to work now we’re starting to get busy ✌️

Stop promoting negativity/be positive.

positivity

So I’m at work minding my business and had some down time today In between patients so I’m scrolling through Twitter and Instagram like I do everyday and I see a post by a women saying “why are men so stupid?” My first though was wait a minute did she really write that then I decided to scroll through some comments of course most men were not happy about this post one man even proceeds to say ” why don’t women shut the F*** up when you ask them too” (he also threatens a women who leaves a comment under what he said) I really was appalled at this for one I don’t feel she should have made the comment because it goes back to the old saying every parent teaches their child “if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all” Maybe she was having a bad day either way things could have been said differently and I get it’s that persons page and they can post whatever they like but at the same time be prepared for the repercussions of your actions.

I don’t agree with a man disrespecting a women at all period, it says a lot about how you were raised and how you will treat any women you date. Their are so many domestic violence situations out there so for anyone to take a comment that far it’s ridiculous also we need to learn we may not always agree with what someone says but we don’t always have to react either,learn to walk away. I read through so many comments and most of them were negative, women going back in fourth men trashing women it was crazy. It’s so disappointing to see people act crazy online it’s like don’t fall for the bait don’t do it and conduct yourselves a little better some things don’t need a reaction as I’ve said already.

Another story..

Something also really triggered me this morning as well when I’m on Twitter and I see a girl post a picture of herself she’s clearly been beaten by her boyfriend her face has cuts and bruises and theirs blood so she goes on to say “my man may beat me sometimes but at least I have a man” I’m at a loss for words at this point because it’s sad and she’s making a joke about this when so many women are being abused daily and can’t even get help or have no way out, it’s like how dare she make a mockery out of something so serious, the sad part is this young girl really needs help to even think that being abused is ok ever theirs a Hugh problem there. Being abused is nothing to play with at all people have lost their lives to these not only that but it tells me she doesn’t love herself at all to even think this way, I really hope this girl gets help and I hope she realizes what she deserves and I pray she’s being watched over as we speak.

If you or someone you know is being abused please seek help check out my previous post about my abusive relationship and please click on the website I left it may save your life today…

Always remember do not ever allow someone to bait you to the point where your doing something or saying something you shouldn’t be doing. Spend time around people who bring positivity in your life and stay away from any negativity, try to be careful with your words and don’t allow one bad moment to break you. If you see anything negative online please ignore it you don’t have to give the other person any satisfaction and you don’t have to let them win.

I challenge you to spend some time away from social media and enjoy your day don’t allow someone to take you out of your character because you know who you are and the next time you get ready to post something negative think to yourself “do I really need to post this, is this really that important” post something positive.

I’m sorry for the rant guys all this really caught me off guard and I wanted to speak my peace. I hope you all enjoy your Thursday I’m going to enjoy my mini break before going back in to work. Remember love somebody today and give them lots of hugs 🤗