It gets better :) (keep going)

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“This time won’t you save me, this time won’t you save me” the lyrics from an old nicki Minaj song “save me” are not stuck in my head as I lay across my bed thinking about todays events. It seems I’m closer and closer to edge as each day goes by.

Work is a complete mess, I’m over my manager and her list of demands, I’m over her need for me to be perfect, I’m over the girl who claims to be my friend, while running away scared when any situation occurs, I’m drowning on my own now. I keep telling myself it will be ok in the end, the endless times today wheee the words “I’m done, “I quit” crossed my mind too many times, it’s not worth the pain or agony anymore, it’s not worth wearing a fake smile everyday. It’s no longer about what’s Cherelle loves anymore it’s become a childish game now between who can win and of course she does every time.

I’ve been wondering what truly makes me happy, what truly keeps me going and the truth is my Job no longer fulfills me anymore, it’s funny because three years ago, I was bragging to the world about my new medical Job, I would of said, I’m never leaving now three years later the girl who is no longer and intern but a trained medical assistant, would rather be anywhere but there. I never though it would end this way. I’m fulfilled in every aspect of my life but not this part.

I’ve never wanted to get away more then today, I’m still wondering what it would be like living some where else where no one knew me would feel like, I’m still wondering what life would be like had I made other choices, I guess will never truly know unless an actual time machine was present too bad that only works in movies or tv shows. My friend called me tonight to talk me down and, I convinced her everything was fine, but it still doesn’t feel right. Will it ever? Sometimes it’s better to leave things unsaid and pray for the best.

I’m learning more and more, some things never change. neither do people, the good part is you can choose who to surround yourself with and it does not have to always be negative. I still wanna be that little girl again with no care in the world, no bills no Job just living life and enjoying being a kid in school, I look at my daughter and smile because she is what keeps me going she is my sane place. I do everything for her and that means the show must go on. I pray for the people who are hurt and hurt others, I pray for the world and hope that no matter what goes on it will all get better and even though things seem crazy right now for me I’m still going to keep going because it will get better.

Follow your heart and your dreams, never let anyone bring you down and if your unhappy in your career, relationships or with something in your life change it, that’s what I’m going to do. Enjoy your Wednesday night I’m off to bed with my music and my thoughts.

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Finally back!!!

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I’ve honestly missed blogging and it’s so much that I’m wanting to say. I’ll try to keep it short and simple with you.

Why I stepped away?

I had so much going on in my personal life, I was trying to figure it all out and it was hard for me to blog and give my all to my site, when in my mind, I wasn’t a hundred percent available. I was going back in fourth with my podcast and YouTube but eventually that interest faded too. I’m still trying to figure it all out. I know for sure that blogging is a Hugh passion for me and that’s why keeping this site up and running is so important to me and me being back is honestly a good thing for me and I’m looking forward to giving you guys more great content and being open to more conversations.

What’s been going on in my life?

My anxiety and depression for the most part has actually been ok, I see my doctor every three months for refills on my medications and we talk about what’s going on in my life. I still have moments of being anxious or a little emotional but it’s nothing that consumes me like in the past.

My weight?

My weight has been an on going battle for me lately the past couple of months have been hell when it comes to that, I’ve gone through spells of binge eating and not caring and spells where losing weight is all that’s on my mind. I started seeing my nutritionist again then the old habits came back with bad eating, the good news is I’ve found a new nutritionist in the area who will see me as a new patient next month and I’m super excited to see what happens with that, my doctor has even expressed concern about my weight gain and my blood pressure is now high and It’s all scary to be honest my health has to come first. I’ve finally got On board and chosen to eat healthy and do the right thing my goal is to eat clean and stay away from sweets and bread as my dr has advised me to do as well as exercising daily. I will keep you guys update on my weight loss.

Work?

Honestly work has been so stressful lately it’s been hectic and all over the place, one of my co workers is out on maternity leave so we’re short staffed and I’m doing her job now and it’s been chaotic and crazy at the drs office lately, I’m trying to hang in there and be strong but all the negativity I’m dealing with is not worth my sanity any longer and I’m realizing it’s time for a change in my work life, I try to always remain positive and remember why, I became a medical assistant but sometimes it’s hard and it’s honestly not even the patients it’s the people around me that make make my job so hard at times. I won’t got in to too much detail on that but I will say I’m looking forward to new career opportunities soon.

Love?

My love life is still amazing, my boyfriend and I are still together and still happy in love. We’re still trying to figure out the moving situation and what’s next but everything has been amazing thus far and our two year anniversary is coming up soon, I’m super excited for that and can’t wait to spend more years with him.

Church?

I’ve recently Began going back to church again and I’ve finally found a church home for my daughter and I we enjoy the people there and the pastor it’s been so great going and getting to know everyone and the best part is my moms best friend is a member there so she’s always looking out for me. I’m genuinely happy about allowing god back into my life and allowing myself to go back to church and put god first again. It’s been one hell of a journey when it comes to my religion and trying to figure out where I belong and where I should be, however finally it’s all happening the way I want it too.

Final words-

I know, I rambled a little bit had to catch you up on some aspects of my life and I’m finally back guys so keep looking out for more post from me, I promise not to leave again for months like that again. I’m still figuring it all out but CHERELLE is finally back! Enjoy your Wednesday night, this girl is off to bed. I have another 5am wake up call. 🙏

Wednesday night thoughts.

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It’s always weird, when I’m doing so well and then out of no where my anxiety decides to flare right back up again, today at work my anxiety was at an all time high and my mood was a little off at the same time. I felt myself being a little moody and certain things were bothering me a lot more then usual and the feeling of being anxious was taking over me.

I’m seeing my doctor Friday and honestly don’t wanna tell him what’s been going on, it’s like fear because my first reaction is “what is he going to think or say” I don’t wanna be judge and I clearly know at this point my mood has been a little off due to my lack of medication and me being careless and forgetting to take my meds.

I was on twitter today and a girl, I follow stated that she felt suicidal but was making it and doing her best, that broke my heart because we all know what that’s like especially when having mental illness and you have to go day by day being broken down and hurt, yet still trying to wear a fake smile and make it through the day not knowing what each day entails or how it will end for you. I’m always wondering when more help will be available for those of use suffering and why is it so hard to get help sometimes, why do we wait until it’s too late when it’s all gone? I keep being plagued by the thoughts of other people out there suffering and why suicide seems to be so heavy lately.

It has to get better one day right? The stigma has to be broken one way or the other. Let’s spread more love and less hate. I’ll keep you guys posted on my doctors visit Friday and I’m hoping it goes well. I’m not sure what’s next for me but whatever is next I’m hoping it’s great. Enjoy your Wednesday night I’m off to watch tv and relax and sit in my thoughts for a while.

ps: give lots of hugs today and help someone in need.

Night time thoughts.

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Hey lovelies, I been feeling so sick the past couple of days and it sucks 😦 I feel like I’m getting a bad cold and my body is slowly shutting down. On the up and up everything has been good for me and my anxiety is under control for the most part. I’ve been doing so much research lately on mental health to help others and have good topic ideas for my podcast.

I’m so excited for the weekend to actually get away and clear my head for a while and leave all the negativity behind me. I’ve been watching my co worker lately she seems so sad and defeated and I’m scared to end up like that. I give her advice and try to help her the best I can but people are always going to do what they want at the end of the day. I’m glad and thankful that those relationship problems that use to bother me don’t anymore,once you find the right person those things don’t get to you.

I’m learning more and more about myself daily and each day is a new lesson to be learned. I’m trying to stay positive and wear a smile no matter what happens. I’m loving my Job more and more as well, I’m learning more about my patients and that sometimes the pain they have is deeper than anything, I can imagine. I’m learning not to judge so easily and actually really sit and try to understand people and what is going on with them.

I’ll never be perfect nor do I want to be. The point is I’m growing and learning daily. I won’t even lie my medicine is slowly running out and I can’t see my doctor until the 22nd so I’m freaking out a little but at the same time maybe a few days medicine free won’t be so bad however, my doctor probably won’t be too happy about that since he wants me to take my medication everyday but he went out of town and that threw my appointment off and made my refills get pushed back so what can a girl do 🤷‍♀️ at this point nothing except wait.

I hope you all enjoy your Valentine’s Day and remember it’s ok to be alone too. Spread lots of love and give plenty of hugs tomorrow ❤️

Losing you.

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I watched her every day, I watched her lose herself more and more, she stumbles to find the balance between reality and what isn’t real, She walks down this long road she calls life. She wants to smile but her smile has been broken down by everyday life. She longs to be loved, she longs for the boy who said he would always be there to actually show it, she screams out in anger, she’s carrying his child but does he care? No, he instead pretends her cries don’t matter and day in and day out she pretends to be happy, she pretends she’s ok and no one knows the truth behind her eyes no one sees the pain she endures.

She never asked for any of this she never asked to be a single parent. She never asked to be doing it all alone. “Do you even care” she yells out but of course she knows the answer to that already, he will never know the countless nights she sat up alone with a baby, the countless cries she had to endure. It was an embarrassment when she looked around to see all her friends happy with their relationship and to see hers crumbling. I knew he was no good for me so, why did I pick him, why did I trust him what made him so different? She was lost and he was there to pick up the pieces.

She never wanted to get hurt, she never wanted to get caught in his lies or games but it happened. She looks back every day and she smiles now because he no longer has a hold on her, he no longer can control her and he no longer can make her feel bad anymore. She stands tall with her beautiful daughter, great career and amazing people around her. It will always be ok, it will always get better, she now knows that.

For anyone out there don’t ever allow anyone to have a hold on you or take your happiness. You are beautiful and loved and life gets better. Stay positive!

Does age really matter|when dating|in relationships!

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FYI I’m not promoting someone who is super old to date someone 17 or under/ or the other way around, just wanted to put that out there when it comes to this topic I would never promote that.

I been thinking about this post for two days now and I keep posing the question in my mind, I hear it constantly being talked about online also in person and it makes me wonder does age really matter at all?

My Story:

In my early 20’s I dated a guy who was 30 and it never really bothered me, he saw me as his equal and I didn’t treat him like he was older, we had a some what of a great relationship but every couple has it’s ups and downs. I did realize some people were like your really dating someone that old or she’s so young but it never really bothered us and I remembered my grandma telling me she was happy for me but again that relationship didn’t last for other reasons but the age never really bothered me.

Fast forward:

My boyfriend and I now are two years apart, I feel so old don’t even wanna reveal my age but what the hell who cares right? So anyway when we met he was 26 and I was 28 well fast forward I’m a year older now and his 27 the point is age should not matter his not immature I’m not strict or trying to be his mother because I’m older we really mesh together he gets me and I get him, his my best friend and the best thing that’s ever happened to me age doesn’t matter when you love someone so why do people make such a big deal about it?

Let’s get down to the bottom..

People really need to let others be happy, worry about yourself and not other people. stop preaching and telling people how they should live their life or what they should be doing. Age doesn’t matter it’s what in that persons heart and think about it this way, someone could be the same age as you and still be immature someone who is older could still be immature it’s really no way of telling but it’s whoever your compatible with and when looking to date age shouldn’t effect how you feel for a person. Going back to favorite motto “if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all” choose happiness and let others be happy as well.

Final words..

I feel like society puts so much pressure on the world when it comes to certain things and it’s sad that we fall prey to what society thinks about us or how we should be when it’s not even necessary to be that way, Life is short so Do whatever makes you happy and don’t worry about what others are going to say or think. Age is a number it does not matter and we should all be happy and love hard. So to anyone out there who is dating someone older or younger don’t listen to outside voices do what makes you happy and live your life.

I’m sorry this is so short, I’m kind of taking a mini blog break again gotta hit the reset button so me not blogging as much means I’m taking a mini break but I’ll still try to blog in between. Sometimes I value my “me time” nothing against anyone Just need time to clear my head. Enjoy your Wednesday night I’m off to relax then off To bed 🙂

Top 5 favorite love quotes

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So again everyone should know by now I’m a sucker for love always so, I thought I would share my top five favorite love quotes with you guys, I hope you like and enjoy.

Let’s get started..

1.

This is a good quote because it teaches you to be strong in your relationship, basically your going to go through things in your relationship but in the end, it will make your relationship 100 % stronger. Let’s face it no relationships is perfect!

2.

This is so true, it’s the exact same reason I fell for my boyfriend, remember to always enjoy your relationship and don’t let the little things break you. Always laugh and talk and remember why you fell in love and most importantly appreciate one another and love hard.

3.

This quote is true in so many ways, sometimes we tend to settle for the wrong person because In our mind we think they are the one we’re so blinded by love that we can’t even see that, that person isn’t the one. so in our minds this is what we think we deserve, when really we deserve so much better, please don’t settle guys someone out there is willing to give you the love you really do deserve.( someone I know is in a smiler situation and it’s sad watching her being miserable and unhappy with the wrong person) hopefully she realizes what she truly deserves soon.

4.

I love this bob Marley quote it’s true in so many ways, unfortunately you will get hurt sometimes by people you love. The amazing thing is you have right to choose who you want in your life and who you don’t want around you. Don’t allow someone to keep hurting you over and over again because that means they don’t care enough to consider your feelings love is never easy but it’s worth it with the right person alway remember that.

5.

This goes back to self love again, you must love and respect yourself first before you expect someone else too. Remember it’s ok to be single focus on yourself sometimes make sure your ok before you try to be with anybody else. Self love is the best love and as this quote says you set the tone for the relationships you wanna have in your life weather it be from family, friends or boyfriend/girlfriends.

Conclusion..

So these are some of my favorite love quotes of course there is more so their will definitely be a part two coming soon. Remember to love and be loved is the best feeling also remember to love yourself first and always choose happiness. Goodnight I’m off to bed now enjoy the ones you love and spread lots of joy. ❤️