The crazy part is as I’m writing this I feel like a zombie I’m drained and tired as hell this week has completely taken me out honestly so much has happened and I feel like I’m losing control of everything, you ever wish for something and when you finally get it, you wish you could call the genie back to get rid of it(watch Aladdin) anyway this whole week my mood has been down the drain and I’m starting to wonder what’s next how much more can I take. Well might as well tell you the rest of what’s been going on with me..
Let’s get started..
So as I said in my last post my child’s father has suddenly popped back up into the picture and honestly it’s been crazy as hell since his been back like let me tell you he is well a little crazy I mean he chooses to pop up when he feels like it and expects me to jump at his every command. We met up today and it went to shit(sorry for my language by the way) he proceeds to tell me how he wants things to be and when he wants to see his daughter and how I need to break up with my boyfriend and be with him, like how delusional is he? I mean seriously you haven’t been in my daughters life for a year and now you wanna play daddy well I can’t say I’m not surprised but it’s crazy how he tries to hug me and touch on me and tell me he wanted me back then he continue to attack my boyfriends character (he doesn’t even know him) I don’t know this whole day has been completely crazy and I’m drained so drained my anxiety also has been at a all time high today I literally cried for no reason earlier plus I had full blown panic attack-before going to meet him is this a sign or what? Either way I feel like crap.
How everyone feels..
No one and I mean no one in my family likes my child’s father it’s a mess they all want him to go away and stay away from my daughter but me on the other hand well I want my daughter to have her father in her life but at the same time I want boundaries and I want us to be able to co parent drama free but we Always bump heads no matter what and it’s crazy, now my boyfriend is mad because he feels like my child’s father shouldn’t pop up when he feels like it or make demands when he hasn’t been here(I’ve never seen him so upset) honestly I wish my child’s father could respect the fact they I’ve moved on and I’m happy without trying to cause any unnecessary drama but it feels like he can’t do that and he seems like he won’t stop at nothing to break my relationship up and I definitely don’t want that. This whole thing is a complete mess and I feel like no matter what I do nobody will be pleased or happy with my decisions. The fact of the matter is I’m stuck with this man for the rest of my life because his in my daughters life and honestly I’m starting to feel trapped.
I honestly wish I knew what to do but I don’t at all and I feel like I’m torn between going back to my therapist or being back on my meds but either way how do I even know any of this will help me or will it get worse. There’s so much at stake here and I wish I knew what to do. I’m hoping that time will eventually let things play out and everything will fall into place but who am I kidding can it really get better from here? I’m honestly feeling like it won’t and the only thing keeping me together is my daughter but I won’t lie I’m slowly slowly going into shut down mode and not dealing with anything, all I can do is pray and hope that he will continue to be a father for my daughter and actually be consistent with being in her life.
the same shit is going on that was going on last week nobody changed at all and most of all I’m over adults acting like kids its so annoying and ridiculous but as always I’ve been nice even when I’ve wanted to say more but I’ve remained calm and learned to ignore people who don’t add any value into my life can’t change everybody but I can change how I react to people and situations so I’ll keep you posted on this as ( go back to part 1 post to get the back story on this)
so much has happened since I’ve wrote this and honestly I don’t know what’s next to be honest so as always i will keep you posted on my oh so sweet crazy/fun/ I don’t even know life lol. I had to laugh it’s better then crying.